Clueless

02||Dad

Sorry as much as i am mad with him, i still value my life more, so i just did all the door slamming in my head.

___________

Listening to Claire De L'une in my headphones is calming in a way.
I like listening to instrumental music especially piano. My playlist is full of Beethoven, Yiruma and such. The list goes on.

I feel like a weigh is being placed on top of my shoulders.

Honestly, I hate it when i argue with my dad. Because he's the only person in the house that understands me. Although we don't really have a special father-daughter kinda relationship, i really don't want to upset him.

What frustrates me most is that he knew how much i want this. He knew I've been waiting for an opportunity.

An escape.

And yet he sits there, with firm eyes. Reminding me once again, who's house I'm living in. Who's rules i need to follow.

And i was never a rule breaker, no. I never dared to. Not when i knew how terrifying he can be if i cross the line.
That's what made me so different from my brothers.

I was the perfect daughter.

Who helps around the house.

Who studies without being asked to.

Who stayed away from boys on her own accord.

Who take cares of herself.

Who never asked for help.

Maybe you're wrong.

Maybe in dad's eyes, you will never be perfect.

Thoughts clouded my mind.

Because you took away the one perfect daughter he had.

My breath hitched and i shut my eyes close. The sound of my own heartbeat as loud as a thunder.

I try focusing on the soothing sound of piano. Hearing to it's melody. It's one of the ways i do to ease my mind, my heart. I flutter my eyes open for a moment. Staring at the night light beside me. Then slowly, i start falling into a deep, dark abyss

______________

"What are you watching?", Hassan came up to me running, with a robot toy in his hands."Nothing, just a tv show ", I continue to devour my cookies and cream flavoured ice cream.

It's Sunday evening and I got no other plans other than basking in sweets and watching Friends, my favorite sitcom show.

I never get out of the house on a Sunday even though my parents literally begged me to go out.

"Can I have taste? ", Hassan was looking intently at the bucket of ice cream I'm holding. I ponder for a moment, but then a devilish grin crawled up my lip,
" Hmm.. ok ".

His eyes immediately light up.

"Tut, tut, tut". I grin.

Not so fast buddy.

"I'll share this with you if you can get me the apple juice carton in the fridge in only ten seconds, starting now!", i told him and he jumps to his feet in surprise.

"Ten, nine, eight, seven..".

I laughed looking at him getting all flustered running to the kitchen with his small, chubby legs.

"..three, two, one!", He arrives hugging the carton and breathless, but unfortunately he's a second late.

"Sorry dude, you lost ", I take the carton from his hands and quench my thirst while watching him helpless and almost in tears.