The Demon in the Pastry Shop

7: The Crushing Weight of Friendship

Kit covered her mouth and her shoulders pulled toward her neck with a shy, silent laugh. She started to write a clever retort, but Austeya's ever-present grin had fallen and she even set down her cookie to glance between Vaness and Kit with devastation in her shallow breaths.

"Wh-why... why isn't she talking?" she asked Vaness.

Kit glanced at her and then started write her an explanation on a new note.

"It's been a hard year and a half, okay? We haven't even seen her since... that day, you should be grateful she could even come today," Vaness muttered, taking Austeya's shoulder and leaning her away as if this wasn't meant for Kit to hear.

Kit's pen and paper trembled in her hand. They didn't even give her a chance to tell them anything. They went on talking without her. She took another breath. This didn't have to mean anything. They weren't used to a silent Kit. All they needed was some time to get used to how she communicated now. That's all.

Still, Vaness whispered something else to Austeya, something Kit couldn't make out. Austeya's bright blue eyes flickered to her and a wave of emotion threatened to sweep Kit away.

She slammed her notepad on the table and Glin jolted into the present moment. She blinked a few times and then saw Kit to her right.

"Hey you," she remarked sleepily. She reached out and took Kit's hand, giving it a squeeze, "I've been thinking about you. How are you?"

Kit went to pick up her notepad, but Glin refused to let go of her hand. Kit tried to slip out of her grip with a little smile, cordial and friendly just because she needed her hands to write.

"I'm here for you," Glin insisted, holding onto her tighter. She covered their hands with her other one, looking deep in Kit's eyes, "I know the year's been difficult and you needed to be alone, but we're still here for you, okay?"

Kit nodded, her face growing red with the panic of needing to explain herself so that she might begin to explain herself. She grabbed her notepad with her pen hand and awkwardly bent her wrist as she stood at the table with Glin holding onto her. She had to squint to even see the ink and her heart lobbed heavy, tearful beats in her chest.

When she got done, she had to tear off the sheet to pass it around because everyone needed to know. But when she held out the crumpled paper to Glin, she could hardly read it. Then Austeya snatched it and read it over a candle. Kit almost fainted with every flip of the flame. Vaness took it last, taking the words in over by the faded porch light.

Then she lowered her arms, wilting, "so... you won't even talk to us? I thought it was just out in public. Really, Kit?"

Glin's grip slackened by this time and Kit was able to pull out of it. Her throat closed up and her eyes stung. Even if she could speak anymore, she wouldn't have been able to now. Embarrassment clawed up her spine like a creature coming to puppeteer her. Her breaths came out hot and sharp as tears gathered in her eyes.

She nodded, fists tight by her sides.

"She's not ready. That's alright. She doesn't have to talk if she doesn't want to," Glin insisted.

"Sure," Austeya agreed softly, "of course not. And you've got your notes anyway. You can still tell us what's going on."

"Yeah, it's... okay..." Vaness added. Kit could taste the bitterness from here.

Vaness was the one who tried to see her the most. The one who had reached out the most. No doubt, this felt like a harsh slight. The Omen Spirit crushed the note in her hand and threw it to the corner of her porch. Kit imagined her heart discarded in the corner there too.

It was a fun night. Vaness' mixed drink was delicious and got Kit nicely fizzy off of it. Austeya told them about how she took in a stay cat and then started to worry that she may have taken in an Ace of Creation instead (she hadn't. It was a regular cat wandered in from the Ephemeral World). There were many laughs. Many jokes. And her friends were kind and tried to include her in their conversations.

But everytime Kit wanted to write something, wanted to add on to their chat, by the time she finished writing it, they had all moved on. And it was still dark. They didn't move inside. Kit didn't want to ask Vaness if they could move because she took all this time to set up their table and candles out here. Kit didn't want to beg her friends to pause the conversation when they saw her pen starting to fly just so that she could get her word in.

Her friends were nice. And they wanted to be accepting. But Kit would never talk to them like she used to. She couldn't. Between Vaness, Glin, and Austeya, Kit had been the boisterous one. She had been the funniest. She had been the loudest. That could never be her again.

When she walked home after the night was over, she returned to her house, notepad clutched in her hand with a dozen half-started and abandoned responses. Kit unlocked the door, hoping to drag her feet to her bed and curl up in the dark.

Instead, Jude waited cheerily in the living room armchair and as soon as she got in, he walked over to her.

"How'd it go? Probably no leftovers from what you took over, which is a shame because you know I love that frosting," he shuffled in his slippers and looked her over gently.

She wanted to pretend like nothing was bothering her, but she couldn't hide anything from Jude. Her closed mouth was a dam for her pain, but her bottom lip trembled and broke down and the flood came rushing in its wake. Kit dropped her purse and her notepad and wrapped her arms around Jude, burying her face into his chest as she bawled. Her fingers pawed at his sweater like she couldn't hold herself up without it.

Jude sighed softly, "oh, Kit," and he put his arms around her, "not like you expected, I take it?"

She shook her head as she sniveled. He patted her hair.

"Ah... maybe next time then."

Kit managed a small nod.

"Let me make you some tea and you can write me what happened."