тнє ℓαѕт qυєєи // тнє ∂σ¢тσя

The Lodger

Theta and I move past the man as we investigate inside with frowns. Upstairs definitely didn't feel right, "Hang on a minute, mate. I don't know if I want you two staying. You could be crazies for all I know." Theta hummed in response as he nodded, looking back at the man. "Yes, quite right. Have some rent." Theta hands Craig a paper take-away bag with lots of twenty pound notes in it. "That's probably quite a lot, isn't it? Looks like a lot. Is it a lot? I can never tell." The lights upstairs are flickering, "Don't spend it all on sweets, unless you like sweets. I like sweets. Ooo." Theta gives Craig a couple of air kisses about six inches from each cheek. "That's how we greet each other nowadays, isn't it? I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor, too. Still don't know why. This is my beautiful wife, Kate. God, you are beautiful. No doubt about it. Can't wait to have you all to myself." Theta babbled on, the man staring at us in slight shock and confusion. I blushed brightly at his words as he paused with a look, staring into space for a moment.

"Craig Owens. Kate? The Doctor?"

"Yep. Who lives upstairs?"

"Just some bloke."

"What's he look like?"

"Normal. He's very quiet."

We all turn towards the door upstairs the sound of a crash, "Usually. Sorry, who are you again? Hello?" Theta ignored him as he moves towards the flat we were supposed to be 'staying' in, Craig following after us with a frown. "Excuse me?" Theta cocks his head as he immediately notices something. I frown, as I too take notice of the black spot on the wall towards the ceiling. "Ah. I suppose that's dry rot?" I asked with a raised eyebrow as I crossed my arms. "Or damp. Or mildew." Craig shrugged as if it was no big deal, "Or none of the above." Theta spoke up this time. "I'll get someone to fix it." Craig stated with a guilty looking wince, like it was his fault. It wasn't. "No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister. This is the most beautiful parlour I have ever seen." Theta sits on the counter, "You're obviously a man of impeccable taste. We can stay, Craig, can't we? Say we can."

"You haven't even seen the room." Craig muttered with a cock of his head, "The room?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, "Your room." Craig spoke up with a nod, "Our room? Oh, yes. Our room. No, not our room. Take us to the room." I smiled at Theta's words as Craig leads us to a room with some eighties decor. "Yeah, this is Mark's old room. He owns the place. Moved out about a month ago. This uncle he'd never even heard of died and left a load of money in the will." Theta and I frowned at one another, it wasn't our doing but it was very convenient. So convenient that it just happened to be in the area of the signal we picked up. The signal keeping the Tardis from landing and staying on earth. "How very convenient. This'll do just right. In fact." Another loud crash from above, Theta tests the air with a damp finger. "No time to lose. I'll take it. Ah you'll want to see my credentials. There."

The psychic paper gets passed behind Theta's back and shown to Craig three times. "National Insurance number. NHS number. References." Craig frowns with a cock of his head. "Is that a reference from the Archbishop of Canterbury?" He asked, "I'm his special favourite. Are you hungry? I'm hungry." I rolled my eyes with a small laugh and a shake of his head. "I haven't got anything in." We head back to the kitchen, I push Theta with a hiss who grumbles back at me in response. He moves to raid the kitchen, "You've got everything I need for an omelette fines herbes, pour deux. So, who's the girl on the fridge?" A photograph of Craig and Sophie, along with the Vincent van Gogh Self-portrait in Straw Hat postcard. "My friend. Sophie." Craig blushed causing Theta to smirk, "Girlfriend?" I asked gently as I sat on the arm of the couch.

He starts making an omelette, "A friend who is a girl. There's nothing going on." Craig speaks slightly sadden about the notion. "Oh, that's completely normal. Works for some, Kate is mine tho." Craig winced slightly at the thought of liking me, not that I took offense. He was clearly in love with that woman just as I was in love with Theta. "We met at work about a year ago, at the call centre." He explains with a small smile, "Oh really, a communications exchange? That could be handy." I muttered to Theta who threw the egg shells away, coming over to give me a quick kiss before moving back to the stove. "Firm's going down though. The bosses are using a totally rubbish business model. I know what they should do. I got a plan all worked out. But I'm just a phone drone, I can't go running in saying I know best. Why am I telling you this? I don't even know you." Craig frowns in confusion, we both shrug in response. "Well, I've got one of those faces. People never stop blurting out their plans while I'm around." Theta winks at me with a smirk, "Right. Where's your stuff?" Craig asked as he looked between us with a frown. "Oh, don't worry, it'll materialise. If all goes to plan."