When Broken Hearts Meet

Two

TW: Suicidal thoughts

Oikawa lay sprawled on his back, one hand at his side clutching the soft white blanket underneath him and the other covering his eyes. Perhaps with this action he was trying to temporarily blind himself to his surrounding or more specifically pictures of his childhood with Iwaizumi, the objects Oikawa had been given by him and even particular corners and parts of the room his lover had laced with his memory.

Oikawa didn't want to remember but at the same time he didn't want to forget.

"Iwa-chan, why can't you love me like you used to?" he would plead alone like this from time to time, of course he would never receive an answer and if he did, it would be an answer he wouldn't want to hear.

Why would he love you?

Oikawa slowly dozed off, his drowsiness and sleepless nights finally catching up to him. At times of slumber dreams would often run off and he would be left with overbearing thoughts that would evolve into nightmares.

When he couldn't run, he would drown.

The persistent ringing of his phone suddenly woke Oikawa. He sat upright and took his phone from the bedside table. Oikawa hesitated, now he just wanted to be alone, he didn't have it in him to talk to someone and keep his usual pretense that all is well. However, despite this he answered, he didn't want to worry anyone especially when the person had bigger issues to deal with.

"Hello?" Oikawa asked, his voice came out softer than he had intended.

"Hey, Kawa babe ya ok?" the concern directed to him and the thick accented voice could only belong to his best friend and favorite shopping companion, Miya Atsumu a fellow setter in his prime from one of their rival teams, Inarizaki.

"I'm fine Tsumu-chan don't worry" Oikawa replied gently, he was determined to not burden anyone else in his life. His selfishness had already led to Iwaizumi hating him and he certainly didn't want Atsumu to bear the same feeling towards him.

"Kawa yer feelings arn't dead weight ya know, we are best friends you can tell me anything." his tone was sincere and it was this sincerity that moved Oikawa to confess everything to the boy.

He broke down. Every fragment of pain he was holding seemed to stab at his heart all at once.

"I don't know what to do, I tried to become someone that suited his tastes, I tried to be obedient and quiet so I wouldn't bother him. I just want to be someone that he could love freely but nothing I do ever amounts to anything." He said solemnly.

"Babe a man who needs ya to change for them ta love ya ain't worth yer time" Atsumu retorted firmly.

"You're right Tsumu, but I can't help think that I'm not trying hard enough, maybe I'm just not good enough?"

I'm not good enough.

He paused for a moment before continuing,

"Wouldn't it hurt less if I stopped existing?" it came out as a whispered question but in his mind, it was a crystal-clear affirmation.

It would hurt less if I were dead.

"Hey Kawa, remember that time we went to the amusement park in Tokyo and you got lost?"

He did. How could he forget, he had wandered around for hours in search of them and eventually gave up. He had bought a candy apple and had sat on a metal bench watching the kids messing around and the couples walking by hand in hand.

"We searched for ya the entire day; we were bout'a call the police when we found ya sleeping on a bench holdin' a half-eaten candy apple." Atsumu chuckled fondly at the memory and continued.

"I can't even explain how relieved we were when we found ya safe. So don't 'cha ever think ya ever think 'bout disappearin' on us 'cause we need ya, plus there are many people who still haven't had the luck of meetin' ya yet." Oikawa clenched his teeth, attempting to pull himself together and to calm the tears flowing down his cheeks.

"But most of all there are many people ya still gotta meet, many places ya gotta go to, and many things ya gotta see. Ya gotta live for yerself, 'cause yer worthy of a beautiful and fulfillin' life."

"Why are you telling me this?" His voice trembled as he spoke, Atsumu had always been there for him but even his words seemed unbelivable to the Oikawa who was so used to people disregarding and hurting him.

"yer my best friend and I love ya, I think that's reason enough" Atsumu replied matter-of-factly.

Oikawa laughed gently. Love. A word that was rarely directed towards him.

"Thank-you 'Tsumu" Oikawa said in a tender manner

"Always"

Maybe things will get better.

Maybe one day he would be able to feel whole again.

Their conversation continued with Atsumu telling Oikawa about his weekend and Osamu who continued to steal his beloved food. Oikawa loved hearing about the twins' shenanigans, they were always amusing. The stories also made him a tad envious, he thought about how it would be like if he had a sibling that was always there when he needed them to be. Of course, he had a loving older sister but she had her own life now and he couldn't be a part of it, she had recently divorced her husband and was now living with her endearing son Takeru and the last thing Oikawa wanted to do was interfere and get in the way of their happiness.

"Sorry kawa, I gotta go now, gotta help my pa make so umebushi" Atsumu said briskly, the sound of pans clanking in the kitchen and people talking in the background could be heard.

"Bye Tsumu, have fun and take care of yourself babe" Oikawa said.

"You too, don't do anything rash, remember we still got that sleepover next week and I wanna see you bright and healthy, ya got that?" Atsumu answered in a stern yet playful tone.

"Ok mom" Oikawa said pretending to be annoyed

"Bye lovely" Atsumu said before hanging up.

Oikawa lay back down on the bed and smiled, right now his world seemed a little brighter. 

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Chapter 3 will be out tomorrow!