A/N: Wow, two posts in one day, wild. More like I forgot I wrote this and found it buried in my google docs! Fun. Also I've been doing a lot of research on Chuck E. Cheese's for some reason. It's very interesting though. That photo is a photo of Crusty the cat who was only a part of Chuck E. Cheese's for two years before being replaced by Mr. Munch. Fascinating.
'When I die, I like to think that I'll be dancing with the stars.' Those were the last words you ever said to me. We were on our way to a hotel for the weekend. I had finally planned to propose. To show you how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, that I wanted to grow old with you.
But then that car came out of nowhere. That one car that ended all of our dreams together. It hit your side of the car. I remember sitting there in pure shock. I remember faintly hearing the ambulance sirens over the ringing in my ears. I remember the ambulance ride, where they asked so many questions and I just wanted to know if you were ok. I remember getting treated for my injuries. I waited for you to leave the emergency room, for you to come out, to make a dumb joke and for you to tell me we could still have that perfect life and that everything would be fine.
Instead of those comforting words you should have told me, I got doctors saying 'I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do.' Instead of those hugs and kisses we should have shared, I got family members giving hugs in moments of grief and sorrow. Instead of that relief I should have felt, knowing that you were ok, I instead felt heartbroken and lost. Instead of planning our wedding, I now had to plan your funeral.
The days leading up to your funeral, I had people constantly telling me their condolences. But I just couldn't believe it. Everyday I just felt like you would pop up and everything would go back to normal. I made excuses to why you were there anymore, that you were just at the store, that you were just on a business trip, that you were visiting family. I told myself that everyday, but no matter how many times I told myself that, it just wouldn't come true, I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that you were... dead.
Finally the day of the funeral came. I remember the tears, I remember all the speeches, of everyone saying that you were so young, that you still had so much to live for, how life was so cruel to take someone like you from us, so early. I remember putting the ring on your finger, the same one that I put my ring on. I remember giving that final kiss on your forehead and holding your face and hand one last time. I remember watching you being lowered into the ground, knowing this was the last time I would see you, for a long time.
At that moment, the only thing I felt was sorrow and grief. But that quickly turned into anger. I screamed and cried at night. I could only think that it wasn't fair. I remember getting ready for the trial, getting ready to face the man who ruined both of our lives. He was a drunk driver, and we just so happened to be the unlucky victims of this man's mistakes. When he got a life sentence, some part of me should have felt bad. But I could only feel pure hatred towards this man. He ruined our lives, he was the reason why I was sleeping alone in our bed meant for two, meant for the two of us.
At night I would find myself hoping, praying that there might be some way to bring you back. What if we had been driving on a different road. What if we had been going slower. What if we had gone somewhere else. These little what-ifs haunted me, keeping me up at night. When I wasn't thinking about those what-ifs, I was thinking about what we would never do together. How we would never share laughs again. How we would never go for ice cream again. How we would never watch late-night rom-coms together. How we never almost choke on food while laughing ever again.
With these thoughts plaguing me, I began to feel as though nothing mattered. I had no motivation whatsoever. It stopped eating and my sleep schedule spiraled out of control. Your mom had to come over to get me to eat something. She brought over your favorite food and some old photo books of you. I know she was trying to help, but everything just felt so gray and empty without you. You were the stars to my galaxy.
Finally, I began to heal, although slowly. I began to get help. I began to slowly get back to normal life. I learned how to live with the love you left behind and to keep you in my heart. And when I miss you, I look up to the stars, and I swear for a moment, I can see you dancing with the stars.
Thank you Dream, for everything. I love you.
