The Winter Soldier

Chapter 8

Waking up the next morning I felt my hand throbbing with pain. The painkillers the doctor had given me had worn off. I opened my eyes and stared up at my ceiling when I suddenly realized where I was. I quickly sat up and looked around my room. Bucky must have carried me into my room yesterday. Remembering how I had taken my shirt of I looked down and was relieved to see I was still wrapped into the same blanket I had used yesterday.

I checked the clock on my nightstand and was shocked to see it was already 11 am. I never slept passed 8 am so this was unusual for me. I got some fresh clothes and walked to the bathroom to take a shower. I had to be careful not to get my bandaged hand wet but it worked. Clean and fresh I decided to have breakfast on the porch. I made myself a bowl of cereal and went outside.

Bucky was already sitting at his favorite spot on the bench.

"Good morning" I said drawing his attention away from the water. "Hey" he gave back and then pointed at my hand "how's the hand?"

I looked down at my hand that still felt hot with pain under the bandage "It hurts but I'll manage" I said walking over to the bench placing my bowl of cereal on the small side table next to it. After yesterday I had this small hope that maybe even if Bucky didn't have any feelings for me maybe I could still be his friend. I just wasn't strong enough to stay away completely.

I looked at him and he looked so beautiful in this moment. The sun shone softly on his face and I noticed he had gotten a small tan over the last few weeks. His wavy hair looked soft and framed his face perfectly. The color of his eyes seemed even more intense and blue in the morning light. No matter how hard I tried I would probably always feel this pull towards him and if I could only be a friend for him then that's what I would take.

Oblivious to my stares Bucky stood up. "I think I'll go on a run, shouldn't be gone for too long though". My heart started beating hard against my chest. I wasn't ready for him to leave yet. After trying to avoid him the last few days I felt deprived of his presence. It was pathetic I knew that but I couldn't help it. "Wait" I said standing up and reaching for his hand with my good one. He turned to look at me.

"I-I just wanted to say thank you for helping me yesterday" I said nervously. I wasn't able to resist the pull I felt anymore and without a second thought I stood on my tiptoes and placed a small kiss on his cheek. Bucky's eyes wend wide and my heart dropped in embarrassment. Why did I do that? Didn't I have any self-control? I was about to apologize when he tilted his face down and placed his lips on mine. Shocked I almost stumbled backwards. My hands reached out for him to keep myself from falling and I clutched to his shirt with my good hand. His hands reached up to cup my face and I tilted it up slightly too deepen the kiss.

"Bucky" I moaned against his mouth and he used the opportunity to slip his tong into mine. His lips were soft against mine but demanding. My whole body felt charged with the need for him finally finding release. His human hand slowly traveled down touching me and pulling me even closer to him. My skin burned wherever he touched me and I felt like I was losing my mind. The need for oxygen made our lips part.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked into his. My racing heart was immediately filled with anxiety. What if he rejected me again? He didn't let go off me yet which gave me a small piece of hope that this time would be different. Scared he was going to pull away I grabbed his shirt even tighter. His eyes were full of emotion as he gently pushed a rouge strand of hair behind my ear.

"If you grab my shirt any tighter, it might rip" Bucky said with a soft smile. I loosened my grip but didn't let go. "I am scared" I said quietly.

"Of what?" Bucky asked concern in his eyes.

"That you will push me away again" I needed to say this. I needed him to understand that I wouldn't be able to handle another rejection from him. He pulled his eyebrows together, his expression becoming more serious. I held my breath for his answer.

"Even if I wanted I don't think I could" he said and I heard a hint of sorrow in his voice.

"And do you?"

"Do I...?"

"Do you want to push me away?

His shoulders tensed and he was quiet for a moment then moved away from forcing me to let go of his shirt. He ran his hand through his hair pulling it slightly. My hands started to shake and I watched him anxiously trying to read his reaction.

"No-no I don't, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't" he said in a strained voice his stormy eyes looking directly at me.

"I-I don't unders-"

"Alaska I hurt people" his voice rose slightly and he looked at me, frustration and pain evident on his face „and sooner or later I'm going to hurt you".

I moved closer to him and took his hand into mine shaking my head "I trust you"

"You shouldn't" he said but he didn't pull awaythis time and I smiled gently "It's too late for that"