-a fine line- part two/ sequal

Chapter 19- The return

Y/N's head was fuzzy and she was grateful for the dim lights. It took her a while to figure out she wasn't dead, nor at the hospital that had those bright lights with white walls. It appeared to be her own bedroom. A burn travelled through her head and she groaned softly as she tried to reposition herself on the bed which merely caused more pain to her strained muscles.

"Finally up." It wasn't a warm welcome, but cold and distant, a voice she knew too well from having been taught by the man for years. The classroom voice, which meant trouble. Her eyelids fluttered as she tried to peer them open but she managed to look through them eventually. She was nearly frightened when she directed her gaze upon the black figure sitting on the chair next to the bed, afraid to look him in his dark eyes.

"Sorry," She croaked out, more pain in her dry throat. Severus didn't say anything and Y/N briefly wondered whether he was still mad. That man could hold a grudge for eternity so she wouldn't be surprised if he was. Severus sighed heavily, leaning back in his chair with a scowl and arms protectively crossed in front of his chest. Y/N didn't dare to interrupt the tense silence and took the time to analyze the situation they were in. 

Her arms were wrapped in clean bandages, she was changed into a long, faded out grey shirt with a pair of boxers that served as pants. She remembered that most of her clothes were relocated somewhere else in the quarters where Severus probably couldn't find them, which immediately explained why she was dressed in boxers that were too big for her, probably his, and the faded shirt, also his.

"Y/N" he finally began with another exhausted sigh, "did you know....that I was reading when suddenly I got notified by Minerva, did you? Did you know that Jayden had to find you bleeding to death on the fucking bathroom floor? Did you know the fucking worry you put me in!" He spat out, his voice wavering and growing louder with each cautiously placed word, thrown out like poison. She flinched at the harsh words and shook her head. She didn't. She didn't think of Jayden having to find her.

"Jayden.....Jayden, he screamed," He said as he stood up from the chair, "Minerva led me to the bathroom and Jayden refused to leave your side. He wanted to be there when you goddamn died." Y/N felt tears prickle her eyes but she refused to cry over the furious voice that was directed towards her. She could barely move and it put her in a vulnerable position with Severus hovering above her.

"Jesus, Y/N. Can you even imagine?" It was all that he had to offer, he didn't finish his sentence or perhaps this was the sentence, an open ending. Y/N's body was shaking, her legs giving weird tremors as if they tried to get her up and to run away. And she was forced to watch Severus as he braced himself against the wall next to the bed with his hand, steadying himself as if dizzy. 

He looked awfully unhealthy. Shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep, again he had lost a couple of stones and was a bit underweight and his face was unshaven, leaving a messy stubble. A small smirk was spread over his face, an eyebrow raised like he expected Y/N to say something.

"I need a goddamn drink," He whispered. Y/N was too stunned to get any words out of her tight throat and merely watched as Severus slowly walked out of the bedroom without saying any more.

It seemed to take forever, hours, before he got back again with two glasses of liquor in his hands. He extended his hand with the glass that was less filled up than the other one and Y/N took it, trying to fake her gratitude because she really had no desire to drink at the moment. It would make her heartbeat run too fast, her face too hot and her brain too mushy to think.

She took a small sip, feeling it slide down to her insides and shuddered with anxiety. Perhaps it was good to have a little alcohol during this painful conversation, loosen her tongue enough to actually be able to speak.

"So what now, Y/N? Tell me what I can do." She truly suspected Severus was so clueless that it freaked him out, that he was going crazy at not knowing what to do. He always knew what to do, but not now, and it made him feel powerless and worthless. Sometimes Y/N secretly thought he had some kind of mental illness, bipolar or something close to that. Of course, she would never tell him that because he'd make all kinds of bizarre excuses for his behaviour.

"I don't know," She said, confidence stripped from her. Severus knocked back the alcohol and put it on the bedside table.

"I love you," He said then, "And it breaks my heart to see you like this. I- I don't know what to do, Y/N. I don't remember helping you in the past, I don't fucking.....I just don't know. And now, you've done this and I'm wondering why you did it. Is it my fault?" She wanted to interrupt his story but kept quiet instead. "Should I have been there for you? Is it perhaps better to get help from a professional?"

That was the thing that made Y/N burn from shame. She averted his eyes from him and was suddenly interested in the blanket over her lap. Was it? She never thought about it, she denied having to need one. In the end, she just shrugged and Severus barked out another laugh.

She thought he was too mad to comfort her and had anticipated him going away, leaving her alone with her dangerous thoughts, but instead, he stayed. He poured more liquid until he finally had enough and asked Y/N if it was okay for him to join in bed with a gentle voice. She nodded and scooted to the side to make more room. Severus smiled foolishly at her, alcohol taking over his brain, and crawled under the blankets.

He sighed heavily and wrapped his arms around Y/N while Y/N buried her face against his firm chest and pulled up one leg to possessively spread over him. This was what it was to be with him, the love and care she received, the craziness of his mood swings she could never predict and the feeling of safety in his arms.

"We're going to talk about this later, darling, because obviously, we can't keep going like this." She was distantly aware of a kiss being planted on her head and the last rustles of the blanket before everything died down. Severus was probably already sleeping, as he seemed exhausted when she saw him. And she felt herself drifting off as well, cherishing the body pressed against her.

A/N- As many already noticed, Severus is being a lot harsher on her than normal but it has a reason which will be explained in the next chapters!