loverboy - josh kiszka

29.

Sunlight beamed in through my window, waking me up earlier than usual. The snow was beginning to melt outside and it was reminder that winter was actually ending. I pulled myself out of bed, reaching immediately for the joint beside my bedside table.

As I did, my door pushed open, my mom standing there and the joint still in my hand. I tried to hide it quickly but she snorted. "I know you smoke." She said, raising an eyebrow, "It always smells like it in this house."

And here I was thinking I was so slick.

I set it back on my bedside table, pulling my knees up to my chest, and giving her an apologetic look which she waved off. She sat next to me on the bed, putting her arm around me and pulling me in to give me a tight squeeze.

"How you been lovebug?" She asked and I gave a little shrug. "I've been okay." She looked at me for a moment before saying nonchalantly, "I haven't seen Oliver in a while." There it was.

"You won't be seeing him at all." I said, before adding, "Ever." She chuckled lightly, scooping her own mop of curly hair up into a bun before turning to mess with mine. "Have you been using the mousse I gave you?" She said absentmindedly, almost ignoring what I said about Oliver.

She'd never been a big fan of him no matter how hard he tried to kiss ass. I nodded my head and she smacked her lips as though she didn't believe me. "You know who else I haven't seen in a while?" She asked still combing her fingers through my curls, "Josh."

I felt my face go warm at the mention of his name. "Ahh, I see." She continued, taking notice. "Mom, stop." I rolled my eyes and she laughed, finally leaving my hair be.

"He's a sweet boy." She commented as she stood up, pointing at my joint, "Take that outside from now on. My house reeks." I laughed, assuring her I would as she left my room.

I sat there for a little while, thinking about what she said and letting the sunlight hit my face for a moment longer. Eventually I got up, shuffling into Ivy's room where I knew she'd be up already.

"Hey bean." I said, knocking on her doorway. Her head poked up over the book she was reading, still snuggled up under the covers. "I'm going to the park in a little while. Wanna come with?"

She nodded, her eyes lighting up. Ivy loved when I invited her to go with me, especially since I was graduating soon. I went over to her bed, motioning for her to scoot over so I could crawl under the warm blanket with her.

She immediately curled up against my arm like a big baby. I'd never say that to her of course, she liked to pretend she was all grown now since she was twelve. But she was still my baby.

"I'm going to miss you when you're not here anymore." She said suddenly and I stifled a laugh. "I'm not dying." I could hear her huff loudly before speaking again, "I know you're not dying Posy. I'm just saying after you graduate."

I ruffled her hair, "Well I don't know where I'm going after I graduate if that makes you feel better." She peered up at me, chewing on her lip. It was a bad habit and I almost told her so but she opened her mouth to talk again so I kept it to myself.

"Well you'll go wherever Jake is right?"

I thought about it. That's what we'd always planned. Neither of us had any thoughts of going to college and with how well the band was doing, I definitely doubted it was an option for him now.

For as long as I'd known him Jake and I had planned out what life after high school would be like. At age thirteen, it was partying and a mansion together. At fifteen, it was an apartment and jobs at the same workplace. Seventeen was when he and Josh got serious about the band and we decided I'd go wherever he went.

I always said I was like their little groupie and as time grew closer I wondered if that's what the future still held for me. I knew it's what Jake wanted, but with whatever Josh and I were doing I now felt like there was a whole other person I had to okay it with.

"Probably." I finally answered Ivy who was waiting expectantly for my answer. "Jake is so great." She said dreamily and I laughed, snapping her out of her daze.

"Don't ever repeat that." She raised a finger at me threateningly and I held up my hands in surrender. "Your secret's safe with me bean." I assured her before going to get out of the bed, "Let's get going."

I went to my room to grab a sweater, deciding on the one Jake got me for Christmas, before sticking the joint and a lighter in the pockets of the sweatpants I had on. I tucked my mess of curls behind my ears and waited on Ivy to get her jacket on.

Once she was ready, we headed out the door and to the park. It wasn't far from our house and the morning air felt good even though it was still a little cold. The sun beat down, warming us just a little, but not very much.

When we finally reached the park, she took off towards the old set of monkey bars by the slide and I went to take my usual seat on the rusty swing set. I fumbled around in my pocket, trying to get ahold of the joint.

I pulled it out and lit it, inhaling deeply. I looked up at the trees, most of which were nearly bare except for the few leaves here and there. Snow still clung from the branches but the sun was beginning to melt it, drops hitting the ground like rain.

I observed everything around me, smoking from my joint, my other hand curled tight around the chain. I exhaled and as I did I caught sight of the big SUV pulling up against the curb. I peered closely trying to see if it was Jake or not.

Much to my surprise, I saw Josh step out, giving me a quick wave. "Can I join you?" He called out and I nodded, motioning for him to come over. He had his hands in the front pockets of his pants, looking around as he came over to the swing set.

He sat down, smiling at me shyly. "You gonna pass that?"