loverboy - josh kiszka

7.

It was really dark and for some reason I felt nervous. It was just Josh, but still. I waited for my eyes to get adjusted and I wanted to reach out my hand to get a feel of where he was at, but I wasn't sure how he'd take that.

"Hey Po." He whispered and I felt a tug at my braid. "I like your hair like this." I rolled my eyes even though I knew he couldn't see it. "You can't even see me in the dark." I responded, swatting his hand away. He chuckled, "I saw it before we were in the dark smart ass. And I liked it then too."

Yeah yeah.

"Why did you pick me to be in here with you?" I asked, wishing that maybe I could sit down or something. The closet floor was probably dirty, but my legs felt achy and my stomach was turning from the alcohol. "I didn't." Josh said, before adding with ease, "Ronnie did."

"Oh yeah? If I recall correctly, you proposed the idea first." I poked at what I assumed was his chest in front of me, "But tell me if I'm wrong." He tsked loudly, "Maybe you're right. I can't remember. I'm inebriated."

I laughed, "You are not. I know you're not. I've seen you drunk before. You're not nearly this confident." I had seen Josh drunk multiple times over the years. The boys had been drinking since middle school. Nothing too serious back then, they just liked the cool factor it gave them.

But Josh liked drinking more than he liked smoking and there was a time where any chance he had to have a few drinks, he'd take it. Jake and I had taken him home several times after parties where he'd been passed out in the backseat or leaned up in the front trying to talk to us about something and the facade was gone.

"I am always this confident." He declared and I felt him take a step towards me, his feet bumping into mine. "You're a big baby when you're drunk." I snickered poking at his chest again. This time he grabbed at my finger and held it tightly in his hand.

"Josh, please don't twist it. I'll do anything I swear." I pleaded with him between tipsy giggles. "Anything?" He asked and his grip loosened just a little, but not enough for me to pull my finger out. "Oh come on!" I gave a dramatic sigh, "Don't be gross."

I could hear him laugh, pulling my finger a little bit, bringing me even closer to him. "I told you no funny business, remember?" He was using his other hand now to grab at my other hand, no doubt trying to capture that finger too. "I'm a man of my word."

"What do you want then?" I asked, as he grabbed at my other finger with his hand. He now had both pointed fingers in his hands and we were chest to chest as he held our hands out at our sides. "What would you like?" He asked me and I couldn't help but notice how low his voice was, how he almost sounded a little nervous.

I moved my arms around. "I'd like for you to let go of my fingers you butthole." I could practically feel him grinning with as close as we were standing. "No can do." He was being difficult and he knew it and he liked it.

"I told you I'd do anything so what do you want?"

"A kiss."

It's hard to describe the way my heart stopped when he said that. It was just Josh. He never really made me nervous, but in that moment his answer caught me off guard. I mean for Christ sakes we were playing seven minutes in heaven, I should've known.

But still.

"No can do." I repeated his words back to him, trying to hide the shakiness in my voice. I couldn't help it, he threw me off. He let go of my fingers and I felt my arms drop to my side. I tried to peer through the darkness to get a better look at his face when I felt his hand graze against my face.

"You're soft." He murmured. "I take it back. You probably are drunk huh." I teased, hoping he didn't notice the way my breath hitched as he touched me. "I'm definitely not." He assured me, his voice low.

I wished I could see him in the dark. I couldn't see the expressions on his face or know when he was about to speak. I knew it was Josh in front of me, but at the same time it was like a stranger. It wasn't Josh who asked to kiss me. Who told me I was soft. Who touched my cheek gently. It was someone else, it felt like someone else.

But it was Josh and that made me feel nervous. It wasn't in a bad way though. "How long do you think we've been in here?" He asked, cutting through my thoughts in a louder voice than the one he was just speaking in. "I'm not sure." I spoke and I hated the way my voice sounded.

I knew he knew I was nervous and I hated it. I never felt like this around him. I never felt like this in general. It almost made me a little frustrated. I fiddled with my shirt sleeve, peering down through the dark trying to look at it. I wanted to do something, anything other than just stand there and sound stupid.

"You gonna stay the night Po?" I heard him say quietly and quickly. "I might." As I said it I felt like I could almost see his face fall. "I probably will."

I felt a little pinch at my waist and I let out a girlish giggle, but his fingers stayed there and I waited to see what he would do. I could feel him extend his fingers slightly, curling around my waist. He tightened his grip just slightly and I felt a jump in my stomach.

"What are you doing?" I asked, struggling to find my voice. He frustrated me with how nervous he had begun to make me feel here in the dark. Josh pulled my waist towards him until we were touching. I wondered if he was going to kiss me.

Jesus Christ.

All of a sudden we heard a loud knock at the door and it swung up. Josh's hand jumped up from my waist and the light from the garage showered over me. Ronnie was grinning and I could see everyone else trying to peer past her at us.

"Well?"

I looked up at Josh, who shrugged. "I don't kiss and tell." I groaned loudly, "There was no kissing, so nothing to tell." Noises of exasperation spread around the room and I laughed, pushing past Josh to walk out of the closet.

His fingers brushed against mine for a split second and I looked back at him, but he was just grinning at everyone. I wondered if it had just been an accident or if I'd imagined it even. We went back to our spots by the table, while everyone argued about who was going in next.

I looked up to Josh's eyes on me as he poured himself a shot. He raised an eyebrow, motioning at my glass. I slid it towards him so he could fill mine. "More shots?" Claire asked, noticing and pushing hers in that direction, followed by everyone else's.

We raised our glasses and threw them back. I shivered as it went down my throat. When I put my glass back down I felt Josh staring at me, a grin playing at his lips.