Loving JJ

Contemplation

It was late at night again and I sat at the bench I sat at last time.

I thought about my brother and every new thing about him.

What used to be his short hair was now long and was gelled back, there were no longer dark circles under his eyes even though he had a kid which made me think that their daughter was a sleeper. His blue eyes actually had some warmth to them now.

I missed him.

There I said it.

I missed what it used to be like when we were kids and our parents showered us with affection and I wasn't hated by our parents.

Hated by my parents for something that was quite literally not something I could control easily.

At least nowadays, I was better mentally but didn't take away from the fact that I was left with scars that would never fade because I never really got the help I needed, the only person helping me as a person being Sacha and he never really wanted to help me.

I hated to admit that I was still in loads of pain.

I see Julien walking up to me and I look away from him.

"Why are you here Julien?" I say.

"I go here now." He says.

"Nice." I say as I avoid conversation with him.

"You're not curious at all?" He asks.

"Why would I be curious? I don't care about you Julien and you know that." I say as I turn to him but I'm sure my eyes betray me.

"Look, I know that's not true but aren't you the least little bit curious about pretty much everything? Aren't you curious at why I was like 'Oh Sacha you're coming home right now' even though I'm not like that anymore?" He asks and I just look at him.

"You guys planned it to get me to go see you guys and maybe you guys would've got through to me but you didn't expect JT to be there. I may be naïve but I'm not fucking stupid." I say as I get up. "You know what, I'm fed up. The bullshit that I had to face because of you and Manon and also because Sacha was perfectly fine with me being bullied is literally just the height of it all but you not being a bully anymore doesn't make us all best buddies, even if you are a better person now." I say as I get up and walk away from him and see Sacha come out of nowhere.

"Oh for fucks sake." I say and see Elijah and Benjamin and usher them over.

"They will not stop following me so come on guys, we are going to walk together." I say as I turn around and see Julien and Sacha together.

We're walking back to the dorm when I see Manon with a stroller.

"I need to cover my eyes." I say and Benjamin and Elijah just accept my behaviour and guide me back to the dorm. "Avoid the pregnant lady." They nod.

"Oh hi Jolie, I didn't know..." I flip off Manon before she can get another word in and I literally sprint to the dorm and Benjamin and Elijah are in right there with me.

I go to the dorm and keep the door open for Benjamin and Elijah and see Sacha in the dorm.

I run past him and go to my room and scream into my pillow.

River runs in.

"Hey, it's okay now." She says as she pats my head.

I breathe into my pillow, it was so overwhelming and scary. 

River walks out and she starts shouting at someone. River could get really angry, like me I suppose.

She's shouting at Sacha and I stop her before she gets too angry.