It Should Have Been Like This

Book Seven: ridiculous reaction

   "You can't fire me on my first day, what would I tell the children?!"

   "Ur... Mommy is bad at working and so daddy fired her for being a failure?" I offered again, fighting the urge to burst into laughter from the cute face she was making. Her face was already red and I imagined steam whistling out of her ears. She gritted her teeth together as she complained and cursed at me.

   Her ultimate weakness was the kids. She didn't want them to be disappointed in her, wanted to remain a role model to her girls and a good example for her sons. She knew they all carried her with such high regards, and didn't want to let them down. If I was to fire her just on her first day, they were likely to doubt her ability to handle a real job, or whatever she was scared of. I wasn't sure and surely didn't care because it was working for my good.

   "How about I tell them that daddy was an asshole so mommy had to quit,"

   "Then mommy would have to explain what she did that made daddy an ass, because the last time I checked, doing everything I say is part of your job. If you didn't know me, would you behave like this? I'm sure Zachary and Serafina would love to hear why I'm an asshole." I shrugged.

   "This is blackmail," she cried.

   "Miss Amherst, in the office, I don't know you and you don't know me..."

   "At home we don't even know we!"

   "Same thing, so behave like a good assistant and get the job done," I shooed her with my hand. Her eyes glistened up. She turned her pleading eyes to Phineas.

   "Please? I'll bake you cookies?"

   "Sorry, Bubble Berry, not the boss," he chortled. She turned her pleading eyes to me. I slowly mouthed a "no", making her childishly stomp her feet as she whined.

   "This is not fair! Nobody told me this was part of my job prescription!"

   "What were you planning to do? Stare at my face all day? Baby, I know I'm hot but work is work," I said smugly.

   "The only thing pretty about you is your red hair,"

   "I don't have red h..."

   "Exactly," her intention was to snatch the papers and stomp out, but I knew what would happen next. She still hadn't change. I don't know what it is with her and files, but they really have a serious enmity going on between them. The moment she held the files in her arms, she screamed and fell backward, the files slamming down on her face.

   I covered my mouth with my fist so I wouldn't laugh while Phineas bit his lip hard. "Are you okay?" I coughed.

   "Help me," she muffled. I pushed the chair backwards and stood up, still trying to control myself. She still laid flat on the floor, like she was plastered on it, the files over her face and body. I fetched her hand from the mess, snaked my fingers around her wrist and yanked her out. I don't know what happened. One minute I was dragging her up, the next she was pushing me down and my face was smacking the files on the floor.

   "That'll teach you to mess with me," the delight in her voice made the pain feel like nothing. She sounded like she just won the biggest battle of her entire life. I let her have it for the sake of her sanity. I wanted to push myself up, but she pressed my head down with her foot, "quick, Phineas, take a picture of me, quick!"

Such a kid.

   I brought my hand to my head and pulled her leg off. I rolled away from her and sat down, frowning at laughing Phineas. "Why are you here again?"