Being Alive [Charlie Barber]

Chapter 21 : Full Circle

"You don't take your shirt off around me unless we're having sex." You muttered, lips still against his back. "I like you naked." You told him with a giggle, squeezing him just slightly tighter.

Charlie swallowed hard at that, his laughter dying off and being replaced by a frown. "You're sweet to me." He said, starting his motions of undoing the shirt again.

As successful and sure of himself that Charlie was, he never really saw himself as desirable physically. He thought that he was handsome enough. He always enjoyed his hair and eyes. But his body was a different story. It was just a body, he thought. Nothing to fawn over.

"I have the hottest boyfriend in the entire world." You said in a sing-song voice, grinning, trying to cheer him up.

Ever since the two of you decided that it would be fitting to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, you couldn't stop. It was annoyingly adorable. Charlie would ask things like, "What does my beautiful girlfriend want for lunch today?" as casually as he would call you things like 'honey' or 'sweetheart.'

Charlie laughed at your comment and shook his head. His shirt was off of the hanger now and he was holding it in his hands, waiting for you to stop hugging him so he could put it on. "You do?" He asked you, tone amused but also wanting reassurance. "He must be a lucky guy to date someone like you."

You knew Charlie well enough to be able to tell the difference between him teasing you for fun and when he was deflecting because he had things on his mind. Right now, it was the latter.

You let go of him and moved so that you could look up at his expression. "Are you that nervous about rehearsal?" You asked him, placing a gentle hand on his forearm.

Charlie was usually grateful for how receptive of his feelings that you were but in times like this, when he was too embarrassed to talk about them, he wished that you didn't know him as well as you did.

"Yes, but...." He sighed, averting his eyes from you, moving away so that he could pull his shirt over his shoulders, buttoning it up as he spoke to you. "I appreciate how good you make me feel about myself, but I think I'm a little past my prime here, honey." He mumbled, glancing in the mirror.

You laughed at that, assuming that he was joking. When you saw that he was serious, your chuckling instantly stopped. "What do you mean?"

Charlie moved closer to the mirror as he finished up the buttoning. He looked at his reflection as he adjusted the material. "I've been so stressed lately. I eat and drink like I'm in college again and I'm not getting any sleep." He explained, almost embarrassed.

Between the threat of divorce incoming, his worries about what it would mean for Henry, the opening of the play, and sneaking around with you, Charlie had a lot on his mind. His appearance and health were usually the last things he thought about when he laid in bed at night, if he thought about that at all.

He knew that he wasn't taking care of himself the way he should. Every time he pulled on his clothes in the morning, Charlie would sigh at the signs that he was putting on some weight and every time he shaved, he'd find a few new gray hairs scattered throughout his scalp and slight wrinkles on his face.

Charlie wasn't a superficial person. He knew that all of this came with aging. But having a girlfriend as young and gorgeous as you were, did make him self-conscious. It didn't help his confidence that your ex-boyfriend, who the two of you ran into on the busy street, was a lot more put together than Charlie was.

Charlie knew that you loved him and you did a fantastic job showing and telling him how much you cared about him. But he would be lying if he said that he didn't have anxieties about being good enough for you.