Bellamione| Is it impossible

Chapter 67

(TW - Panic attacks and depression are mentioned and lived through. The following about panic attacks is never experienced in the book/movie and is therefore not canon, so don't bother pointing it out to me)

point of view Hermione

By now Bella had slid so close to me that my body was almost wedged between her and the window wall. Her fingers slipped through my hair and played with it. After a while, with the book becoming secondary because she was just too annoying, I turned to her a bit annoyed.

"What's up with that?" I asked, trying to be calm. Bella looked me in the eye with a grin. "Can't I even play with my toys anymore?" My jaw clenched tighter with each word. ,,I. am. Not. Your. Toy." I forced out between my teeth. But she only laughed and then nodded. "Shall I show you how much you are my toy?" Her hand slipped under my chin and pulled me closer to her.

I wanted to pull it back but her grip was too tight. "Bella, can you please-" she broke my protest with her lips, grinning into the kiss as my resistance fell away. Her hand slid from my chin to my neck, tightening her grip there- not enough to make me breathless, but tight enough to make me feel inferior and out of control.

My hands wanted to grab her wrists, but the closer I got my fingers to her, the less airflow she allowed. My eyes flicked around the room in panic as I lowered my hands, but she didn't release the grip. I tried to back up and gasp for air but I was too weak and under her control. As my body began to tremble uncontrollably and in panic, she let go of me completely and pulled away from me. Immediately her grin turned into a worried look.

,,What's happening? Hermione? Calm down." She whispered, but that didn't help me. She gripped my forearms tightly and began massaging them determinedly. "Darling, calm down. It's all right. All is well." Her slightly more distant voice reached my ear. She spoke unusually softly and kindly, and my body slowly began to calm down.

As I slowly sat there quietly again and my heartbeat had slowly returned to normal, I looked at the windowsill on which we were sitting. Bella still had my forearms tightly clutched and despite the fact that it was her fault for the panic attack, I just felt more safe than I ever had. I had never seen anyone get me out of a panic attack so quickly in minutes, or even knew what to do. Now, more cautiously than before, she pulled me into a hug and gave me the rest of the support I needed.

The change in her behavior was confusing and weird, but there was nothing to be said against it. My arms cautiously returned the hug until I was completely out of fear. Carefully broke away from me again and looked at me worried. Her black eyes reflected every fiber of her current feelings. "B-Bella- Thanks." I whispered softly.

Surprised, she addressed me. "Stop thanking me." She hissed after she had composed herself then roughly. "Without me it wouldn't have happened in the first place." I jumped a little. ,,That can happen to anybody. It's happened to Ron and Harry too. Both of them didn't know what to do and took me to the hospital wing." Bella gave a soft cackle.

,, I once found out by chance from Lucius. His son has mild depression and frequent panic attacks." I looked at her in surprise. "Do you think it's not a burden for him if he becomes a Death Eater because he's afraid of his parents being murdered? Do you think it's easy for him to have to kill the headmaster Dumbledore on his own - or to have the order to do so? Do you think it's easy for him to be turned down by every other person at Hogwarts or be put down because his parents are known Death Eaters- not to mention his brilliant aunt-"

A giggle from me threw her off.

"Shut up, mudblood, I'm telling." She hissed. "Do you all honestly think it's easy for him when the Dark Lord lives almost with him? Do you think it's easy for him when he's rejected by everyone? If his Father is so close to ruin and death by the dark lord as you are often at the limit of my nerves?When his mother betrays the dark lord by not announcing the famous Harry Potter as still alive, and is therefore also close to death ?"

(Wands up for Helen McCrory: /*)

I slumped more and more as I realized how much we were or are to blame for his suffering. Bella seemed to notice that. "That's right, it's your fault as well , you don't know how often he sat crying and alone in his room during the holidays. Even his mother hadn't helped him. She was far too busy trying to prevent Lucius from chiding his son for his alleged weakness. I was the only one who sat next to him through the night, listening to his grief and trying to cheer him up. You all broke him emotionally with your unfounded taunts."

Terrified by the boiling and concentrated anger that was pouring out at me, I stumbled off the windowsill and away from her as fast as I could.
"We-we didn't have any-" I tried to justify myself but she had got up and grabbed my collar and was now screaming at me with all her might: "You hadn't any clues? You had a lot of that. Broken people understand it very well hiding behind a mask I know- still. Draco's whole demeanor should have proved to you that he wasn't fine- damn it. Harry found him crying in the old bathroom damn it! Did he once- once really laugh at something, what wasnt against someone? No right. Do you know why? Because there was nothing for him to laugh about" with all her strength she pushed me backwards and I banged with my head against the wall.

My vision swiveled and dots danced in front of my eyes, I felt something wet on the back of my head and Bella's startled voice was dull and unintelligible in my ear. I watched her run towards me, then my head dropped and I fell into an endless black. In a long tunnel I heard voices from Zissa and Lucius. And from Bella and Draco.

It was like an argument - I couldn't understand the words. I felt men's hands pick me up and put them over my shoulders and take me a longer way. A strong wind played around my body after a while until there was a hard landing. More voices appeared- the familiar hospital smell played around my nose until I got something placed on my mouth and nose and the blackness darkened until all my senses went dead- or at least it seemed so.

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Ok guys, another chapter.
I hope you liked it
I am sorry for google translate english... I am just waaaay to lazy to translate it my own...