Falling For You // 2Jin

Chapter One: Love Foolish.

"We're over. This time for good"- I had heard these words so many times before. For the first time, it hurt really badly. Now it didn't have even the slightest effect on me. 

"Okay. If that is your wish, then let it be like that. I can't force you"- the reply that came out of my mouth was unexpectedly cold. I could see that she didn't expect it either. However, she chose not to say anything more to me. She simply turned around and left, never contacting me ever again. 

The dramatic conversation that you just intruded on was my girlfriend breaking up with me. Who am I? why did I react so coldly? why am I not crying over my breakup? 

Well, to answer the first question, I am Jeon Heejin, freshly out of my first year of college and starting the second year in a short while. The other two questions will need a longer answer than this, so I guess you should buckle up. 

As I mentioned, this was not my first time being broken up with, or my first time breaking up in general. In fact, I could write a book on the number of times someone broke up with me. Hell, I could even write a whole series of books. To sum everything up shortly, I have never had luck in love. And when I say never, I mean it. 

My first relationship was when I was in middle school- I dated a guy that was a year older than me and, needless to say, I fell pretty hard. He was a nice boy, a rare type even: he didn't have an ounce of toxic masculinity in him, nor was he unaccepting or unfaithful. He was good. But, there was one thing wrong with him: it was a "him". Not a "her"

To be honest, the thought of me liking girls in terms of sexual attraction had never crossed my mind before. I always just assumed that I was straight and went along with the flow of the other girls in my school. So, when a nice guy asked me out, I agreed immediately, thinking that I could finally find the love that I was looking for. What a pretty lie that was. While dating him, I realized that I did like him, a lot. But, only as a person. There was zero physical attraction towards him and he couldn't make my heart flutter nearly as much as seeing two girls kissing in a movie could. 

I tried to suppress it for as long as possible, but the thought that I was lying to him was eating me alive. So, at some point, I decided to let it out. I remember how shocked his face was and how it took him at least five minutes to understand what I had just told him. At last, he took a deep breath and said these words: 

"I'm glad you told me, Heejin, but I wish I had known earlier". 

"I know and I'm sorry. I just wasn't sure myself either and didn't want to confuse you or make you worry. But, now I've been convinced that I like girls and girls only and I couldn't bear hiding it from you. Please don't hate me"- I said as I looked down at the ground and suddenly felt his hand on my shoulder.

"I could never hate you for being who you truly are. Sure, it does make me a little sad that my girlfriend turned out to be gay but, hey, at least you trust me enough to tell me the truth. I appreciate it. Does anyone else know?"- he asked and that caused me to look up again. 

"No, you're the only one. I'd like to keep it that way for the time being"- I replied and he smiled at me. 

"I promise to take your secret to my grave if you need me to do it. Now, come here"- he said as he opened his arms offering a hug that I gladly accepted. 

"Thank you so much. I really appreciate it a lot"- I replied as I hugged him and, for the first time in a long while, didn't feel guilty of lying to him while I was doing so. 

We ended up being friends afterward, him being the only person who knew I liked girls pushed us even closer than we were before. Then, he had to move to a different city, which was a little sad considering that he had become one of my closest friends. We keep in touch to this day, but we're not that close. I occasionally miss his company.