"Stop it!" JJ yelled, silencing the room and making eyes fall on him. He dropped his arms to his sides and pushed himself off the doorframe.
"Come on, JJ, don't tell me you are giving up on her too?" John B's voice softened, he pleaded his friend with his eyes.
"She's gone, John B. She's not coming back," He bitterly spoke, concealing his breaking heart. His blue eyes darkened and glistened as he ran another hand through his hair, "Noah did the right thing by signing that file. Something you can't even do. So, you gotta start dealing with it like everyone else"
"Deal with it? What, like you have?" His friend harshly shot back. JJ blinked at him, immediately catching the reference to his unhealthy habits and endless heartache.
"At least I'm not convincing myself of all this bullshit like you" JJ growled and waved his finger in the brunet's face as he stood, squaring up in front of him.
"You promised that you would never give up on her, yet here you are, giving up" John B's words felt like daggers, burying themselves deep into JJ's chest.
The Routledge boy's jaw unclenched as he saw the way JJ's eyes flickered, softening as he stepped away from him. He wanted to take back what he said but the blond had stormed out of the Chateau before he could. The screen door smacked against the wooden door and let out a loud rattle.
Noah and John B watched JJ's figure walk away. The teen was about to run after him, desperate to apologise, but a hand considerately grasped his shoulder before he could take another step. He let out a long sigh and stared out the window, his eyes following the head of blond trekking across the backyard.
His chest began to heave, a strange ache wrapping around his chest. The sensation wasn't one he had felt before, startling him. As he flounced down the yard, his boots crunched the dry ground underneath his soles with every step he took. His breathing faltered and quickened, making him slow his pace as soon as he noticed.
Letting his blue eyes flicker up, JJ noticed that he was making his way to the spot he had spent most of his time recently. He almost turned on his heels and headed in the opposite direction, wishing that he could ran away from everything. Yet, he continued walking until he stood at the base of the tree.
Burnt sapwood spelled out her name and dates, the Pogue's promise underneath. The bark had been broken off and Pope had managed to sculpture a wonky heart. They made the memorial last week, even against John B's verdict, trying to persuade them that they didn't need one. There was a fresh turned patch of soil by JJ's feet. A small small wooden that contained reminiscences of Avery had been buried underneath it.
Letting his knees buckle, JJ let himself crumple and his back lightly hit the trunk as he sulked against it. He brought his legs up and rested his forearms on his kneecaps. His eyes stared down at his hands that fiddled with his bracelets. His trembling fingers gently tugged at the black beaded bracelet, one which matched with the white one that used to hang from her opposite wrist.
There was no more strength inside him to hold back the tears. The memory of her burned. The tears started to stream down his cheeks, the corners of his eyes crinkled as he screwed his eyes shut. He wanted them to stop falling but only pushed more out. He tipped his head back and carelessly hit the tree behind him, a strangled sob slipping through his parted lips.
He wasn't giving up on her.
Denial wasn't a stage he had experienced. If she was still alive, he didn't have any doubt that she would have come back to him already. It had been almost four months and she hadn't come back. Although he still catches himself hoping that she would. That she would prove him wrong for thinking otherwise. If she did, he swore that he would never let her leave again.
There was nothing more in the world that he wanted than for her to come back. Or the feeling of her arms wrapping around him, dragging him into her warm embrace that smelt of wax and mint. He wanted to hear her soft murmurs, refilling him with hope. She would hold him until his body stopped shaking and his eyes were dry, sometimes she wouldn't even let go then, waiting for him to move first. But she wasn't there to hold him anymore and the reminder forced more sobs out from his lips and his body retch.
A pair of arm wrapped around his shoulders, they were broad and salty. John B forced his friend to crash into his hold, resting his head on his shaking shoulder as he puled with him. The brunet closed his eyes and let JJ gradually melt into him, both of them craving comfort. In that moment, they just needed each other.
"I miss her" JJ quavered, his words almost unintelligible.
"I know, I do too" John B sniffled and buried his face into his friends shoulder.
Neither of them were ready to let go of their best friend.
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AUTHORS NOTE! hands down, this chapter is one of my favourites. exploring and showing the aftermath of avery's disappearance is so fun and painful. i hated hurting them like this a lot but know it'll be worth it. also noah's first introduction! i've got so much planned for him in upcoming chapters.
