Redemption

Tuesday #1

The night, at last, was dethroned at the end of its reign. It had been particularly long this time for some unexplained reason.

I became fully aware after the rise of the sun and the torment at the bottom of my guts. The sky turned grey and gloomy as the veils of darkness were removed. The humidity seized my flesh, something unprecedented for an atmosphere of a wintry morning – the heat and the warmth created shimmers of light, unsustainable, cast to the fore of my eyes.

The afterimage of a blood-borne stench tortured the morning serenity that I wholeheartedly required but never was able to seize. To dream was an appropriate getaway, hiding behind the phantom images that in reality only devoured practical and virtual values that one could have fallen in love with.

But the injuries advertised its persistent vigor the same way it did throughout the earlier days, and the pain forced me to stay cognizant of all the neglected absurdities of all the moments that I've indefatigably, and formlessly, lived through.

I needed an opportunity. I was driven by an urge speaking at the depths of my corrugated shadows that I had to talk to her. She'd still be alone, unknowing of the diligent flow of time and the grey light soon to emerge across the borders of the day.

So it was, we had to finish a map, as her guide, his guide, and my own.

The pain eroded my senses and its predetermined pathway to the misplaced sense of faith – yet I rose and moved onwards.

***

Lee had been knocking on Jo's front door for several minutes, yet not once did he get a response.

The door was shut, and not a single sound could be heard beyond the faultily repaired door.

Lee knocked on the door for the last time. Lee waited, but there still was no response.

He could have left a message for this shamelessly anti-social man, but he did not. Breaking through could be an option, but he was beginning to doubt.

Lee turned back. He knew this could be nothing else but a waste of time, nevertheless refused to doubt the what feeble strand of resolution he still possessed in his obstinate ambition.

There wasn't much time left. The truth might be near. The truth that Lee, but nobody else, is about to discover.

But as for now, he was running out of options to choose from.

***

"Jo doesn't have to be our only source of information." It was Lily's suggestion.

The instance was dyed by forgettable occasions, which the last officer of East End dared not cherish – Lee, captured by the ashen sky encircled within figures of sunlight illegitimately gathered in the cloud's depressions, had to reassure himself that he understood the consequences amidst such whispered temptations. "Jo had nothing to offer." Lee added on after a deliberate pause, prompted by a sense of resentment, "A day wasn't enough to change his worthless whim."

Lily seemed to be hesitating. "We can move on to the next step."

Yet Lee had a consolidated viewpoint, built upon an unshakable foundation toughened over the waves of sinful vacillation. "No. We wait. If a day isn't enough, we wait another day. We keep on trying. As a last resort, we have a pistol to shoot him at."

Tragically, Lee denied to admit that his motivation, what was once so comprehensible and immovably hammered, was slipping away – 'why' never became a conceptualized inquiry, but the 'how' constantly plagued his judgments, though they were indifferent to what the real truth could have led him towards. Even when his soul was being killed from the inside, his faith survived the death nonetheless. Even without guidance and without achievements, destinations, illuminations.