Madder than a Hatter (Descendants)

Mouth full of sawdust, heart full of joy (Edited)

"Are you sure this is okay?"

"Maddie, it's really good," Dizzy promised, graciously eating the food I had made her and the twins. The twins nodded in unison and also began eating. I'd made mac n' cheese, which was the only thing I could reliably make without accidentally causing a fire.

"Thank you, gang. You make me feel much better about my uselessness. You're very sweet. You're all each worth five crashed Ferraris. Oh, my God, they're going to get themselves killed."

"No, they won't. Evie's more than capable of taking care of herself and Mal is Mal. They'll be fine."

I liked how she didn't mention the boys at all. "Yeah, but when was the last time anything went according to plan? I don't even think there was a last time. Is Jane's cake still here? I need sugar right now or I'm going to crash, and trust me, it will not be pretty."

"It's in the kitchen," Squeaky or Squirmy told me. I couldn't really tell them apart, so I decided to refer to them both as 'kiddo' or 'small child' when talking to them aloud.

"Thanks, small child." I got up and went into the kitchen, looking for the blue cake that read 'Happy Birthday, Jane!' on the top. When I found it, I noticed that someone had already cut a chunk out of it, and I had the slightest suspicion that it had been Celia and Dizzy.

Good for them.

I began to shovel cake into my mouth and thought of my dad, two things I often did when I was upset or worried. Although usually the cake was dry and tasteless and moldy and filled with dirt, with the potential for a maggot or two writhing around in there, along with flies.

I thought about the little hat-making shop he ran on the Isle, in the front of our modest shack we called home. I visited a few hat shops in local towns after Evie asked me to join her business, because I wanted to see what the competition was, and also how their shops were laid out.

After looking through several of them, I came to the conclusion that my dad's shop was better than any hat shop in Auradon, which deserves kudos, I think, for being BETTER THAN AURADON.

And the Isle's interior decorating is awful! The model options are medieval torture dungeon (super popular with some of the Isle's bigger names), sweatshop locker room, haunted backyard greenhouse, and sixteenth-century empty pool. Uh, I'll take the locker room, please.

Just kidding. Dad took the empty pool. It sort of fit the vibe, which was fun.

In his infinite wisdom, he had done something extremely stupid that shouldn't have been attempted without at least three witnesses and possibly law enforcement with fire extinguishers on standby. He opened his own business.

For my first birthday, he made me a little hat that matched his infamous one. For my second birthday, he got me my own conformateur. For my third birthday, he killed my mom. Or was that my fourth? I can't really remember in my ripe old age of nineteen.

Halfway through eating a piece of cake that had Jane's name on it, I remember that I still needed to warn Jane and the other people at her birthday party. I didn't know how fast Audrey's magic teleportation worked, but considering she'd gone to school with Jane for years and seemed to be friendly with her, there was no way she didn't know it was Jane's birthday today.

It would be a large number of people that already knew her, old friends from school, and it would be the perfect place to make a point regarding her new-and-improved InstaRoyal status as 'evil'.

Honestly, good for her that she was exploring her options, but that staff was definitely screwing with her head. If she wanted to be evil, she needed to find a way to do it without relying on someone else's magic, like any good villain worth their salt does.

Sure, a lot of them were born into positions of power or with magic, but she was royalty, which gave her a position of power and also access to magical objects, like the ones she had right now. She could totally be a high-tier villain, especially since she was applying herself. If we actually lost this one, I would try applying for a position making her hats to go with all of her evil outfits. Or washing her castle's floors.

If it guaranteed my survival even for a couple more days, I would absolutely get down on my hands and knees to manually scrub filthy cobblestone. Or whatever castle floors are made out of.

But regardless of what my future looked like, I still had to warn Jane. And also wish her a happy birthday, because she was genuinely a sweet person. And also explain to her why her boyfriend was missing her party, although that relationship needed to take such a backseat, it would be in a different car.

I swallowed the cake in my mouth, washed it down with tap water that was actually drinkable and not sewer sludge, and went for the phone. My mouth dried up, but there was a hopeful spark in my heart. I could do this.

Evie had very nicely written down everyone's phone numbers for me so I could call them from the landline without having to memorize them, and I called Doug. He seemed like a good, reliable fellow, someone who could be trusted to take care of three children for a while.

He picked up rather quickly, answering with a pleasant, "Good afternoon, Evie!" Which reminded me that Evie was the one who primarily used this phone, to usually call her boyfriend.

"Hi, not Evie, it's Maddie. Hi, Doug. Are you busy right now?"

"Maddie? Oh, hi. No, I'm not busy right now. I was actually planning to stop by at the cottage in a few minutes. Is Evie there?"

"No, she's not, which is why I'm calling you. There may be a situation, and I need to leave here to go handle a part of that situation, and she is handling another part of this situation. I need you to come here to watch a few children. You're responsible and I trust your judgment, and I really don't think anyone else could do it better than you."

None of that was a lie- I wouldn't trust most of my friends alone with children as far as I could throw them. They needed to be in groups, or they needed to not be in charge of young, impressionable people.

"Well, thank you. That's very nice of you to say. I'll be there momentarily, so don't worry about the kids. Uh, quick question, what are their names?"

"Dizzy, she's the one with brown hair, and Squeaky and Squirmy, the twins who I cannot tell apart from one another, so you should introduce yourself and ask them to introduce themselves just in case."

"Okay, thanks. Good luck with whatever your situation is."

"Thanks, man. Bye."

"Bye."

As soon as he said goodbye, I hung up the phone and ducked back into the dining room, where the twins were fighting over each other's food.

"Hey, gang, so I'm going to step out for a bit, but don't worry, Evie's boyfriend Doug will be here soon to supervise you guys. He's a bit of a dork, but he's a really good guy, so please, don't commit any felonies- that's optional- but be nice, okay? Okay."

I ran out the front door, towards the Enchanted Lake.