Tera Hona.

let her go.

I wanted to say "You have me. You will always have me." But I couldn't get the words out.

"So who do you see in your dreams? " I ask her.

Suddenly her whole demeanor changed, she became rigid, she turned her eyes into the window facing away from mine.

"Are you okay?" I asked her worriedly.

"I think we are about to reach home." Naina changes the subject. 

I didn't want to pester her with questions again. Overall today was one of the best days, I didn't want to ruin it by asking wrong questions.

We reached the home and Naina stormed out of the car first. I followed her.

When I entered the room, she was already in the shower. So I took my old cassette tape player from my grandpa, and put in the cassette tape I bought, connecting to my headphone.

To follow Dr.Salman's advice, I took a pen and paper and started to write what I wanted to say to Naina.

The first song played on the cassette was 'Let her go' by Passengers.

'Well, you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go'

The song played in my ears as I wrote what I felt for my wife on a piece of paper. 

"I see you." 

I turned to see Naina in wet hair stepped out of the shower, staring at me.

"What?" I asked her confusingly. I removed the headphones from my ears.

"You asked me who I see in my dreams, it's you. I see you everyday in my dreams." She is standing still yet staring right at me.

"What do I do in your dream?'

"Everyday I see this place where I'm standing all alone. Suddenly someone grabs me from behind and starts to drag me into darkness. I feel myself screaming but no one is there. But when I raise my eyes to the light. You are there stretching your hand at me, telling me to take your hand. But I don't take it. I'm always scared that if I take your hand, you're going to push me into the darkness further. So I never take your hand and the person who is dragging me into darkness, finally pulls me away from you. And that's when I wake up." Naina said it to me in one breath.

I didn't know what to say to that. I understands that she doesn't trust me, I broke her trust, that's why she never takes my hand in the dream.  

I stood up from my bed and started to walk towards her. She's staring at me with those beautiful big amber eyes.

I pull her close to mine and hug her tight. She feels so fragile and delicate under my touch, so I held her carefully, breathing in her lavender soap fragrance. Surprisingly she hugs me back, putting her hands around my neck, pulling me closer to her.

"Please... I'm sorry". I said, tearing up.

" I know. " She hugs me tight and released me.

"I really want to believe that you're sorry and I want to trust you again. But I can't." Naina said. Her eyes are red, the tears are falling.

"You really.....hurt me Ishaan. You hurt me more than anyone in my life. Because I truly loved you.... With all my heart. " She said and I cup her face in my palms, wiping the tears away.

Naina continued to say.

"Even if I forgive you now. When I wake up after the dream tomorrow, I will stop trusting you again. I can't look at you without seeing the Ishaan who tortured me on our first night, the Ishaan who told his best friend that he can have his wife."

She pushed me away while wiping her tears.

I bit my lip trying not to cry in front of her. Every words she said was true. She can't trust me. I broke her trust. I deserve this.

Naina laid on her bed turning her face from me.

I went upto my bed and snatched the letter that I wrote for her. I folded it up and shoved it inside a book.

There was no point in telling her what I feel now. Because no matter what, she is going to see me as the Ishaan who broke her trust.

I put on the headphones again and listened to the song to forget about the pain that was inflicted by Naina's words, while the singer was singing -

"Well, you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep"