Through Fatal Silence

Chapter 31

"No, mommy! I'm a good girl na. Look, I have six stars." She was proud to brag the stamps of stars at the back of her hands.

"Wow, very good! Because of that, you're getting macaroons that Auntie Agnes baked just for you." I pat her nose lightly, and when she heard the macaroons waiting for her, her eyes twinkled like stars in the sky.

She held my hand and pulled me because of excitement. "Let's go, Mommy!" 

Napailing ako dahil sa pagdating sa pagkain ay hindi siya tatanggi. Tumayo ako at hinawakan nang maayos ang kamay niya para makabalik na sa bakery. 

I was raising Rianne all by myself. When I first came here to Milan, it was tough to take care of myself even though I had the money. When I went to the hospital for my first appointment here in Milan, the nurse or the doctor asked where my child's father was, but I said that he was already dead, and that's also what Rianne knows.

Minsan nagtatanong si Rianne tungkol sa tatay niya pero mabuti na lang ay nalulusutan ko 'yun. Minsan naman tinatanong niya kung may litrato ako ng tatay niya at lagi kong sinasabi ay wala. Sa mundo ng anak ko ay pinalabas kong patay na ang tatay niya para sa ikabubuti niya. Bakit ko naman ituturing na ama ng anak ko ang lalaking mas pinili ang iba kaysa sa amin? 

Right now, she's not looking for a father figure, but I know one day that will come. It wasn't bad lying about her father since it was for her sake. She would be hurt if she found out that her father chose to be with someone else rather us, and I don't want that to happen. I don't want to see my daughter questioning herself if she's that easy to leave.

I'm just thankful that she's growing well, and we have a stable life even though it's just the two of us. She doesn't know that her mother is a model. I'm aware that she will have a better life than this if I'm still in the modeling industry, but having a life with the camera will put pressure on her. It's better this way. As long as I can provide her needs, I'm already fine with that.

Hindi nagtagal ay narating na namin ang bakery at nagmamadaling pumasok si Rianne. "Auntie Agnes!" She called the baker's name despite there being people who were eating. They laughed because of her cuteness, while I was embarrassed as my daughter drew their attention.

Dumiretso ako sa kusina at tinanggal ang coat ko. Nakita ko ng nakaupo si Rianne sa maliit na table na para sa kanya na malapit sa cashier. Nilagay talaga ni Agnes 'yun para sa anak ko para du'n kainin ang pagkaing binibigay niya. 

"Auntie, look! I have six stamps!" 

"You're doing good at the daycare, Rianne. Sit to your place already, and I will bring the macaroons I became just for you." Agnes was a bit busy because of the orders, but she could still entertain Rianne. She acts like a grandmother to my daughter.

Sumunod naman si Rianne sa sinabi ni Agnes. Dumiretso ito sa puwesto niya malapit sa cashier at hinintay ang macaroons niya. Panay pa ang pagkuyakoy nito at sa tuwing may customer na lalapit sa kahera ay nagagawa niya pa itong batiin. Minsan hindi ko rin maintindihan ang mood niya, minsan mataray o 'di kaya mabait.