MANAL

96: Manal

"It's okay if you don't want to sit."

"It's not like that." I sat beside him and hummed. "What makes you think Jawaad told me to stop being friends with you?"

"The signs are glaring. I'd be a fool not to figure it out."

Not knowing what reply to give, I fidgeted with my fingers.

"I don't blame him though," Na'eem continued. "If I were in his shoes, I'd probably do the same. The fact that he feels uncomfortable by our friendship proves he loves you. That's enough for me. I just want you to be happy, regardless of who's making you."

At that moment, more than ever, I couldn't help but wonder why I didn't fall in love with Na'eem instead. The guy was intelligent, nice, selfless, handsome, and down-to-earth. He was everything a girl would want in a man. For a fact, I knew he'd never break my heart if I ended up with him, but the heart wants what it wants. Despite everything, Jawaad was the one every part of my being chose. I couldn't even bring myself to imagine a future without him in it.

"Thanks, Na'eem," I gave a small smile. "thanks for everything. Thanks for not holding a grudge against me for how things turned out between us.  Thanks for being selfless and considerate. One thing I'm sure of is that I never want to lose you in my life. I want our friendship to remain."

"In as much as I also want that, I'm afraid it won't be possible," Na'eem's lips thinned into a line. "In a few weeks, you're going to be married. I don't want to be friends with someone else's wife. I still value my life."

In a few weeks, I would be married to Jawaad. I still hadn't gotten used to the fact yet. As the day inched closer, I felt grew more nervous. I just wanted everything to go right, just like Farida's.

"By the way," Na'eem changed the topic of discussion. "How was the exam?"

I was grateful he did. It was starting to get really awkward. "It was okay, alhamdulillah. I pray for good grades. I won't even ask you how yours was because I already know the answer to that."

Na'eem chuckled. "I will still answer you. It was fine, alhamdulillah. May Allah make us pass excellently."

"Ameen." I smiled.

A question was lingering on my mind. I didn't know how it would seem to voice it out. I was being extremely wary of making Na'eem uncomfortable.

"Go ahead and ask," Na'eem spoke, breaking me out of my trance. "I can see you want to speak but you're holding back."

I hummed. "Will you..." I trailed off. "Just forget it."

"Please go ahead," he probed. "I want to know what's going through your head."

"Will you attend?"

By Na'eem's facial expression, I could tell he knew exactly what I had asked. I didn't need to expatiate.

Na'eem gave a tight-lipped smile and shook his head. "No."

Although I understood his feelings, I still felt sad. Extremely. "You won't attend my wedding?"

Again, he shook his head.

"Why?" The question effortlessly emerged from my mouth. I wanted so badly for him to attend. As it was, I felt so bad for not reciprocating his love. His attending would make me feel a tad better.

"He won't be happy to see me there." Said Na'eem.

"Does it matter? You will be attending for me, not for him." I tried to make him understand. I didn't want our friendship to go down the drain just like that. We had been through a lot together since our first year—from studying together to sharing our deepest stories. "Can't you do that for me?" I added. "I will be so happy."