Her Heart

CHAPTER 5

As we ascended the stairs to the terrace, Samaksh animatedly recounted how his sister-in-law had playfully threatened him into arranging a video call to introduce us. While he spoke about the nursery they were setting up for the baby with a themed decor, my mind grappled with how to initiate "the" conversation with him. Amidst his chatter, there was a sudden jolt to my heart when he turned and exclaimed, "I can't wait to see the baby; I just love kids." I'm certain my expression betrayed my emotional state, as he gazed at me for a few moments before heading to the terrace.

Leaning against the parapet wall on the terrace, Samaksh gazed at me, as though awaiting a revelation. "Anaisha, you know you can tell me anything, right?" he said. I nodded in response, but tears had already welled up in my eyes. I knew it was time to disclose, and so I did.

"Samaksh, I don't know how you're going to take this, but before anything, I want you to know that nothing I did was intentional. But I don't think we should take things forward."

"What? It's not something you can decide on your own, Anaisha. Is something troubling you? We'll figure it out. You just have to tell me what it is," he stepped closer, his voice softening, and he looked straight into my eyes.

Taking a deep breath, I continued, "A few years ago, I had drastically gained weight and had severe health issues. On consulting a doctor, I was diagnosed with PCOS... it's basically a hormonal imbalance that causes a lot of other issues as well. One of them being that I have fewer chances of conceiving a child."

"And you thought that was reason enough for us not to think of a future together?"

"You did say that you liked children."

"What kind of a man do you take me for, Anaisha? You think I want to marry you only because I am some crazy human whose only aim in life is to have children?"

"Samaksh, today you might feel like it isn't something to be worried about , but in the future it may drive a wedge between us and at that stage I don't know if I can handle any sort of separation or heartbreak." I sniffed trying to keep my emotions at bay.

"So you're trying to say that you can handle one now. " he asked .

I shook my head sideways knowing no words would come out of my mouth. This wasn't how things were supposed to go.  

Placing a gentle finger under my chin, he lifted it to meet his gaze. "Listen to me, and remember this, Anaisha, I'm never going to say this again in our lives. I am not marrying you because of any ulterior motive or societal pressure, okay?" I simply nodded.

"I cannot simply dissolve the feelings I have for you and leave because you decided something that should have been a mutual decision. I'm not trying to trivialize your emotions; I understand where all this is stemmed from and why you said what you said right now. But what I also know is that we both want to spend our lives with each other, and we may not have to call it love at the moment, but there are feelings involved from both sides. I will never want to give up on you, Anaisha. Children or no children, I want to build a future with you. Even though we've met only once, I've never felt like this with anyone else. I'm sure you feel the same as well. Then why let go of something as precious as this when there is a solution for everything."

By now, my tears were falling freely, and I had no idea what I was going to say or do. He put forth valid arguments, leaving me feeling helpless in the face of his unwavering determination.

"Now, will you stop cooking up silly things in that pretty little brain of yours, or do I need to prepare myself for another one of these?" he chuckles.

I wipe my tears and turn to my last resort. "What about your family? Wouldn't they have a problem with-"

"They wouldn't, Anaisha, and even if they do, they'll eventually come around. It's our life, and we should get to decide how we live it, right?"