Langa clung to Reki's hand all the way through the hotel, afraid they would run into Miguel, but they stumbled out into the muggy morning air without seeing anyone. The streets were chilly from the leftover rain, so they bought hot coffees at the convenience store by the station, Langa's cold hands fumbling on the money. Then they waited, huddling up together, for the train to come.
Langa kept shivering, but he clung to the feeling of the chilly air on the back of his neck, his hair lifted away from the skin by the braid. Somehow he felt like people must be looking at him and seeing someone different than usual, someone closer to the way Langa imagined himself, and it was a strange feeling, strange but good. Reki finished his coffee and crumpled the cup, stealing a sip of Langa's.
When the train arrived, they snuggled into a seat in the back, pressed up against the window just as rain began to fall outside. Reki lay his head against Langa's shoulder, and Langa's heart thumped in his chest, because he could feel Reki's warm cheek, the way Reki breathed out against him.
He had thought — he had thought maybe Reki wouldn't want to touch so much, anymore, now he knew that Langa was gay. He swallowed, his fingers already twitching to hold Reki's hand, which was settled on his thigh, his knuckles raw and sunburnt and solid. What if Reki would still allow Langa to spoon with him at night, maybe even kiss him a little bit in the dark? What if Reki would maybe allow Langa to mumble some of the other things he liked about him, twisting their hands together under the blankets with a blush high on his face, things like you're really cute when you're embarrassed or kissing you sorta feels like heaven or I like the way your clothes smell ?
"Hey," said Reki, nudging their feet together. "Can I ask you something?" He cleared his throat. "Uh, but it might be kinda embarrassing."
Langa swallowed again. He could feel the warmth of Reki's body bleeding into his side, the ticklish brush of Reki's leg hair against his thigh. "Uh-huh," he said.
"When did you know that, uh." Reki smushed his face into Langa's shoulder. "Sorry! Ugh. It's too personal."
Langa could feel the flush beginning to creep up his neck, partly because of the way Reki was touching him, their feet bumping together, but also because he had a feeling he knew what Reki wanted to ask. He had never really talked about being gay with anybody before, and it was hard to swallow down the warm shyness, but he managed to say, "What? You can ask it."
Reki shuffled his feet, bumping them against Langa's ankles again. "I just wanted to know...like, how did you know, uh, you know, like when did you know you liked guys?"
Langa tucked his hands between his thighs, trying to swallow again. The train was so quiet and rumbling in the early morning, and Reki's voice was awkward but soft, and what if he was asking because...because maybe he had begun to like kissing Langa, maybe a little too much? The little flame of hope in Langa's chest grew a flicker stronger, warm against his heart, and he pressed the smallest bit closer to Reki, feeling Reki snuggle deeper into his shoulder.
"I'm not sure," Langa said, and oh, this was a bit embarrassing to talk about, wasn't it? Especially with Reki, the only boy Langa liked, the only person Langa dreamed of holding, in his soft brightly colored hoodies and his hair that smelled like Langa's shampoo. Langa swallowed again. "It wasn't a big moment, really? I pretended...I pretended to marry a boy on the playground once when I was little."
He could feel Reki grin against him. "Really?"
Langa nodded. "I don't remember it that well," he admitted. "But my mom has pictures."
Reki made an ah sound in his throat and lifted his head, rubbing at his mouth, and when Langa glanced at him, he felt his neck flush even warmer because god. Reki was so close, and his skin was so rough and textured from the sunburn, and Langa wanted to know what the sunburn would feel like under his lips. He curled his toes in his sandals. God, would Reki let him kiss him again? Just once? Maybe even just on the cheek, he wanted to kiss Reki's cheek, he wanted to cup Reki's face in his hands and press his mouth to that sunburn.
