Wounded Healers: Azriel x Gwyn

Hunger and Thirst

"So, did you like Slow Tango in Summer Court better, or is Many Courts, Many Lovers still your favorite?"

Gwyn contemplated Nesta's question, mashing her peas absentmindedly against her fork. "I think Slow Tango in Summer Court might just be my new favorite. I prefer to read about slow-burning relationships."

Ripping off a piece of bread, Nesta made a groan of disagreement. "If there isn't smut within the first six chapters, I lose interest."

Blushing at her friend's open sexuality, Gwyn pointedly avoided eye contact with the others at the table. Cassian smirked, his arm outstretched in such a manner that it was apparent he was grabbing his partner's leg under the table. 

"So impatient," Cassian cooed to his mate.

 Gwyn could have sworn Azriel's shadows darkened. She stole a furtive look at the shadowsinger. She knew from private conversations with Nesta that she suspected Elain and Azriel may have feelings for one another - and how much Azriel desperately wanted to find his mate. But Elain has a mate already, Gwyn had pointed out. Wouldn't that sort of eliminate her from the running as Azriel's potential mate? Nesta had huffed a sigh during that conversation. Yes, but mates don't always work out romantically. And Az and Elain can't try, because we need Lucien in our good graces. Peace is fragile, and we need Lucien for his connections to the Human Realm and Spring Court.

Gwyn felt sorry for Azriel. He was good and kind, and surely deserving of a happy partnership. She enjoyed his easy company, and found herself wanting to pull the shadowsinger out of his, well, shadowy shell. She found it easy to be her spunky self around him, and as his shadows flowed around her, she assumed that meant it was the same in his case. It must be difficult for him to be surrounded by perfectly contended mates all the time.

"Slow Tango in Summer Court" Cassian huffed mockingly, stuffing his mouth full of mashed potato. "How come there's no smut about certain, I don't know, god-like Illyrian warriors?" Cassian pointed at the air with his fork. 

Gwyn arched an eyebrow. "Oh, don't feel too badly about it. There's certainly a rich oral tradition surrounding that topic."

Nesta winked at Gwyn - she was always telling Gwyn stories about her and Cassian's sex life that made her toes curl, and at the same time made her even more uncomfortable with her crush.

Cassian shook his head. "I want my legacy in ink and paper. I've even got a title ready - Cassian's Colossal Co-"

Nesta flicked his head before he could finish his last word. Az and Gwyn laughed, enjoying the playful moment between them all. Azriel sipped his drink, looking at Gwyn over the rim of his glass. Nothing went past the shrewd shadowsinger's perception. He sensed Gwyn's silent feelings for Cassian. He could see the soft uncertainty in Gwyn's eyes as she looked at Cassian during training. He perceived the longing way in which she looked at Nesta and Cassian while they shared intimate moments. Azriel understood her position perfectly - he was in the same boat. He also pined for someone bound to another by nature. 

Azriel gazed again upon the necklace on Gwyn's chest. He pitied her. He understood why she must have developed a crush on Cassian - beyond the obvious reason that most all women found him supremely attractive. No, Gwyn had a crush on Cassian because he was the first male to help her trust men again. He helped her reach her potential as a warrior; he helped her brave the world outside of the library. If she was anything like Azriel, and he suspected she was, she would beat herself up relentlessly about her crush on someone else's mate. But Az felt she should not blame herself - a crush on Cassian was almost inevitable, considering the circumstances. It was completely natural.

Guilt swept over Az unexpectedly. It hadn't felt this way to him before, but he now perceived his gift of Elain's necklace to Gwyn as...somewhat rude. As if Gwyn was not originally deserving of the necklace by her own merit - as if she were an afterthought, deserving to receive only someone else's sloppy seconds. He grimaced at his thoughtlessness. It was a blessing that she'd never know the origin story of how she came to receive that necklace. She deserved to be someone's first thought, and Az sincerely hoped she would find happiness in a way he felt he never would.

Gwyn shifted in her seat as she felt Azriel looking at her. She could have sworn he looked at her pityingly, as if he knew what she suffered watching Nesta and Cassian cuddle up on one another through dessert; Cassian licking the icing off of Nesta's lips.

They shared a significant look that they had never given each other before. It was full of mutual understanding. Gwyn chugged down her drink, though it did nothing to quench her thirst. Nor could any amount of chocolate satisfy the hunger she felt for the warmth of a lover's touch upon her body. The romance books she had been enjoying had helped her get back in touch with her sexuality and heal a part of her that she felt had been stolen from her after her trauma. Her books taught her that sex could be a beautiful, safe bonding experience between two people who cared about one another. She had experienced great healing while pleasuring herself to their words, learning to see her body as her own again. 

 As if sensing Gwyn's sociability battery running on empty for the night, Az rose from his seat. "Thanks for dinner." he said to Nesta and Cassian. "Are you ready to go home?" he looked at Gwyn.

Gwyn put as much gratitude into her eye contact with Az as she could muster while answering "Yes, I am. Thanks for dinner, Nes. Goodnight, Cassian. See you both tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Gwyn. See you. Thanks for the book." Nesta called. Cassian bid them both goodnight. 

Gwyn entered Azriel's arms as he winnowed her back to the library near the entrance to the private chambers. He looked at her cautiously, as if he wanted to say something. 

"Thanks for winnowing me," she said quietly, hoping he knew she meant to thank him also for doing so before she had to witness much else affection between the couple. 

Azriel studied her under the dim faelights. "Anytime."

She started to turn away and took a few steps towards the door when Az seemed to make up his mind to say something more to her.

"I hope you know," he started quietly, "that you are not alone in your situation. I also feel for one I cannot have."

Gwyn looked at him, stunned. So she did correctly perceive the silent communication between them - as had he. She was even more so surprised by his discussion of such a personal topic; that he should choose to bond with her over a shared ache.

Gwyn took one step closer to him, looking at him carefully. "I see. And...have you any advice? On what we are to do about our situations?"

Azriel's face was impassive as he said, "No. But at the very least, we can sympathize with one another. Misery loves company."

The corners of Gwyn's mouth twitched as she walked another step towards Azriel, extending a hand. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Misery. I'm company."