Loose Ends

Chapter 42

"Band camp." She looked downwards to break eye contact, unable to actually put her head down as Ricky was still holding her chin up with his thumb and forefinger. "And after." Ricky had no idea where Amy was going with that statement.

"You lost me, sweetheart." Amy sighed and snuggled into Ricky's side.

"You're more experienced than me," she said matter-of-factly, although with a note of sadness in her voice. Ricky hugged her to him.

"You knew that, Amy. I thought we were past all that," he said with sadness, resigned to the fact that occasionally his past would always come back to haunt him. Amy nodded.

"We are, it's just..."

"Just what?" He felt Amy take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Do you remember how I described what it was like for me that night?"

"Yeah."

"Well, ever since that night I wondered if it would be better the next time. That maybe I wouldn't be so nervous or uptight or whatever if I knew the guy better, we were in love and married. When I found out I was pregnant I was sure no guy would ever be interested in me again so I didn't have to worry about ever doing it again." Amy paused to sigh. "Then I fell in love with you and everything changed."

"Changed how?" he asked gently, stroking her hair.

"I realized I was physically attracted to you and that at some point I'd like to have sex with you. Again." Ricky smiled at this admission but his happiness quickly dissipated as he realized something.

"Why do you sound so sad about that then?"

"Because I'm not sex savvy." Ricky couldn't help himself and he laughed. Amy pulled away from him and frowned at his laughter. He leaned in and kissed her temple.

"I'm sorry, babe, but 'sex savvy'?" Amy crossed her arms and pouted slightly.

"It's as good a phrase as any. The truth is you're more experienced than I am when it comes to sex." Her irritated demeanor changed and she hugged herself. "I'm afraid I won't be good enough to keep you interested." The laughter drained from Ricky's face to be replaced by concern.

"What do you mean, Amy?" he asked worriedly. Amy once again hugged her legs to her chest and then rested her chin on her knees.

"I mean," she began without looking at him. "That I'm afraid the sex will be bad again because I don't know what I'm doing and then the way you see me will change and eventually you might break up with me to find someone you can have better sex with." Amy sighed again and a tear rolled down her cheek. Ricky quickly wiped it away and pulled her back into his arms.

"Amy, I want you to listen to me very carefully. Okay?" Amy nodded although she didn't look up at him. "I haven't had sex since you got back from New York." That got Amy's attention and she looked up at him with her brows furrowed.

"But we didn't start dating until the middle of August." Ricky nodded.

"My point is that our relationship's not about sex. If it were we would've had this discussion weeks ago." Amy bit her lip nervously, realizing he was right. "We're talking about it now because I want you to know that I'd like to sleep with you again, Amy. And again, and again, and again." Amy blushed at his admission and Ricky leaned forward to give her a quick kiss. "Sex with you won't be a one-time thing, Amy; it can't be because I love you too much.

"I'd like to sleep with you too, Ricky, I just....I'm not ready."

"Okay. And what do you think it would take for you to be ready, besides time?" Amy bit her lip nervously again for a moment.