Home. (L.N.)

35. Infinity

"I didn't expect that of him" mumbles the young Brit with his head slightly leaned to the side and a thoughtful look on his face. I sigh. It is time to place all the cards open on the table. "Mason is a good guy." "Do you love him? ", he is still facing me but his expression of his face is completely different. It hurts to see that he has this coldness in his eyes. For a moment I am confused, but then I remember he doesn't know yet that Mason and I quitted. "No", I whisper out in all honesty. "But he is your boyfriend?" Another answer that will make the air clearer. "No" I whisper out again. He pushes off the balcony railing and steps closer to me. The cold wind moves my orange dress around my thighs like flames. "So what is it that made you choose him over me, Anna?" A tear is rolling down my cheek and I hate to show him that. I hate to hear him this upset with his broken voice that seems to collapse any second. He should be happy right now. He should celebrating his P2 with his friends and colleagues at that party behind us. It's unreal that in this place of happiness and joy us two again find a way to be alone and speak out our honesty. "I was wrong." I look up to him with tears eyes. My hands are shaking and my knees getting week in his presence. "Mason is great. But I never loved him. I wanted to. He is perfect. But I couldn't." I know I sound stupid to him, but if I don't take my chance to speak my truth I will forever regret it. "I wanted to have him even more when I saw you with that girl. I just didnt want to realize the truth. It hurt me to see you with her. But it is not fair for him, me or you." His eyes widen while I rush through my hair and try to think of a way to break the news to him. But I underestimated him, he already got it. "You ended things" I take deep breaths and nod reliefed not to speak it our while looking him in the eyes. Attmitting to him that I made a mistake is huge enough. My heart races like crazy and my eyes wander down to his slightly open mouth. What I wanted to do right now is not fair, but it's all I ever wanted. But the truth is I can't bring him in the same position he brought me in with what happened in Monaco. My hands start to tingle in the need to touch him. All I want is to be in his arms and never let him go. But it seems like we missed our second chance. Actually that's not true, I destroyed our second chance and he is taken now. He has a girlfriend.
"Lando, listen I made a mistake 2 years ago. I shouldn't have left or say these things to you. And in Monaco I should've made the right decision again. But I didn't. Maybe I needed to learn it the hard way. But I know now that it was more than wrong and purely selfish. You are happy with her and I just wish you all the best." the last words were just whisper in the wind. My heart was ripped apart with my words, so I needed turn around just to escape his eyes. I couldn't handle it anymore. This party is over and all I want it to go home.
"Anna" My name out of his mouth makes me stop in the middle of my steps. He said it out so softly that my tears break the barrier. It was just a question of time till they would've run down my face but I hoped I could keep it together till I left the venue. "I don't want to lie to you. She and I are dating but not official. She is very likable but you are the one I always wanted. I can't tell you right now, what you want to hear." The wind surrounds my body and shivers are running down my spine. With my eyes closed I let his words sink in. Maybe we do have a chance. "All I ever wanted is you. From the moment I saw you." His voice is shaking and when his hand touches mine there is no holding back. I turn around quickly and throw my arms around him. His shirt is perfect for burying my face in it. A huge smile lays on my face. The probably very surprised Lando wraps  his arms around my body and holds me close. His touch sends spraks all over my body. Thinking Ive lost him completely ripped my heart out but knowing there is still hope for us is enough for the moment. I can't ask more of him. He is honest about his situation and I very much respect that. But if there just would be the tinyst little chance for us I would jump into it with all my heart and soul. I finally know he is the one I wanr and whatever it takes to prove to him I am the right one it will be worth it.
"Happiest 21st Birthday Anna" he whispers in my ear while holding me tightly. So with the beginn of the new day beginns my new year and also the greatest journey of my life continues. His soft lips meet my temple as he presses a little kiss on it. The skin under it explodes into flames, hot and hungry for more. An uncountable amount of butterflies are alive in my stomach dancing with the biggest energy to the music still pounding in my ears. But now the music is mixed with the rush of blood I can hear. As much as I don't want to let him go, I finally move back a little so we can actually look at each other. "Thank you" I mumble at him. He is the greatest gift. "I really, really want to kiss you right now Anna, but I think it's best if we start of slowly." I nod strongly with wiping my tears out my eyes. Whatever he wants, he will get it. "Shooorty" caught in the morning Lando and I rush away from eachother. At the door stands Daniel, I can't see his expression on his from the shades covered face but I need to smirk at his wild curls that were styled so needly at the start of the night. "Come on" he waves us over. A little glance to Lando show me a shy guy with his hands deep down in his pockets. "Are you coming?" my hand swifts his arm. "Go ahead, I will be in in a minute" he smiles at me and I walk towards Daniel. "Helloo stranger haven't seen you for a while" I grin. He doesn't jump on the bus but shuffles me back in the venue. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" the whole McLaren Family screams at me. I hear Daniel giggle close to my ear when I hold my heart in shock. That just scared me a little. "Thank you guys. Thank you" the last one was for the Honey Badger alone. He just nods my way softly. The brown kind eyes of his still process what they have seen a few minutes ago and he was very happy about that. His teammate joins the rest of the crew after stepping in the room behind Daniel and myself. He is like a quite shadow to the right of me watching closely every move I make with his soft eyes. I just spot him next to me when Charlotte presents a huge cake in just white in front of me. She presses the knife in Landos hand while she pulls me into a hug. "Happy Birthday Anna" we wip from side to side when her vanilla scent wrap around us two. "Thank you" I tear up again when I rub her back in gratefulness. This is just beautiful. "Speech" Daniel shouts and I throw at him a deadly look. He laughs it of. "I don't know what to say. Thank you so much for this and welcoming me so warmly. It's been a pleasure being around all of you. Congrats to Dani and Lando for today's race. It's been a magical day." Our hands touch when he gives me the knife. It's just a matter of a second but a rush of blood turns my head into a red tomato. I try to laugh it of but in the eyes of Charlotte I see she knows something is going on. I thank her in my thoughts for not saying anything. When I cut down the cake the inside is in a bright orange and I smirk. Of course it is. I hand out a piece for everyone before finally taking a bite myself. It's sweet and tastes even like oranges. My eyes move to Lando he stares right back at me. His eyes are made to get lost in them. We will make this work. It has to. A fourth chance would most definitely not happen.

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Hellouu, I am back with a new chapter. Sorry for not updating in quite a while but I just couldn't find the motivation and I must say not having feedback doesn't make this much easier. I would love to hear your opinions or thoughts about this chapter. Xoxoxo