하루만 ~ Just One Day (Taejoon)

Just One Day

Will Noona be fine? Should I have just confessed and got arrested? Should I have just controlled my anger?

I shouldn't have done that.

Why did I do that then?

I'm sorry.

The panic is settling in now, the red stains on my palm, and droplets of it on my shirt and splattered on my face. Anxiety again creeps up on me, I grab the water bottle from the bag and wash the blood stains quickly. Frantically washing my hands and splatter water on my shirt, wiping the stains, but they weren't going away.

How much ever I rub on them, they aren't going away. No matter what I do, I still feel his blood on my hands, I still feel his lifeless body against mine. I still feel all the rage and panic. I splash the water on my face, wipe the stains on my chin and cheek. The blood on my palms and face go away easily, but the stains on my shirt are adamant. I drop the empty bottle down, not even bothered to wash the white shirt with dad's blood.

It will always stay with me, I cannot go back in time and stop myself from doing it anyway. It's an inevitable action, I don't think anyone has any power to stop me from doing something regretful.

Not even Namjoon hyung.

Probably, I should call him.

I take my phone out and dial his number.

one ring...

two ring...

three ring...

The line gets connected.

"Hello? Kim Taehyung?" a low and surprised voice on the other side answers. A lump forms in my throat, I fight my urge to let out a sob, but my tears are not listening and they fall down again.

To hear his voice again.

It has been a long time.

I clear my throat and lick my dry lips.

"Hyung," I start, I let out a small sob.

"Taehyung, are you alright?" a worried voice asks.

A long fucking time.

"I-I wanna see all of you again."

I cannot let him see me like this. I pick out a fresh pair of clothes and change out of the blood stained ones. I take those clothes and dump them in a trash can outside the room. I check the time again, and pocket my phone.

I go through my bag. My spray cans, a sketch book, some pencils and a black pen.

 Money, I let out a little scoff. Even after everything, she still worries about me. Noona would need this money, she shouldn't have given it to me. I silently keep the money back inside. I take my phone out again, to check if she sent any other message.

None.

I sigh, and keep the phone back in my pocket. This time I found something else in there. Curious, I took it out. It was a polaroid. An old one, the ink is fading, but the picture is still very visible.

It was a polaroid of mom and me, of when I was a baby. A face I haven't seen in a long time. I kind of forgot what she looked like. That's what happens when you don't see a person for almost a decade and a half. Her features, Noona has her eyes. I got her smile.

I keep looking at the picture and walk towards the abandoned swimming pool. There seems to be a bed in the middle of it and I slop down there. The polaroid, I keep looking at it. The last time I saw mom was years ago, when I was still little.

Taehyung kept crying, and hugging his stomach. It hurt. His father hit him there hard. But, more than that, he was wondering if he could go to the swimming pool tomorrow with his friends. Taehyung's mom told she'll pack a special lunch for him. He wonders if mom will still do that.