Rip and Tear (Into my A**):(Doomguy X reader)

Semi-Permanent Headache (Female)

The message on your phone was taunting you, just three little words that had you wide awake in the middle of the night when you had been fast asleep only moments ago.

'Hey, it's me.'

Fuck, was 'me' who you thought it was? You didn't give out your number to people often (read: at all) and this was not a number you recognized.

So your mind immediately assumed that this was you long awaited message from the man in the sky who kidnapped you (and also railed you so fucking good).

But you also had that tiny questioning voice in the back of your head, what if it wasn't?

'The man who made me pancakes?'

'That's the one.'

Gosh he texted with perfect grammar. Why was that hot?

'Glad to finally hear from you, I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me.'

'With the performance we put on last time, I don't think that I could.'

'You liked the view that much?'

'Enough to want to see it again.'

Oh shit, shit, was that his way of asking for nudes?

Did you want to send him nudes?

Yeah.

Yeah you did.

'Just say the word and I could send you a sample.'

-----------------------

Sometimes they really did work you to death, the hours stretched so long sometimes that your head swam and your hands shook badly enough that you could barely text the Slayer back to respond to the selfie he had sent you, featuring his masked face beside the severed head of a horned demon.

'Looks like you had a fun day!'

'It was pretty fun, I have to say the high point was probably the one featured in that picture I sent.'

'It's a great picture of you, your biceps look huge!'

'Something else is huge too.'

You rolled your eyes, but there was a little grin on your face. Since you started texting him a few weeks ago, you had quickly realized you and the Slayer actually had a lot in common, you both liked music, both metal and classical, guns, video games and gardening. It was shocking that two people that were from such different walks of life could be so similar.

You also both had a cheesy, teasing sense of humor; wrought with innuendo.

'And what is that? Your ego?'

'It's actually my ass.'

You giggled.

'That was my third guess.'

'What was your second?'

'Guns, huge fucking guns.'

'Hey you already mentioned the biceps.'

You felt so much better, genuinely smiling for the first time that day.

'Aw dang! I should have remembered that, sorry my brain is a little fried.'

'Rough day at work?'

'The drip never stops!'

'Well you are literally the only hardware personnel in that whole building.'

'Yeah, most of the focus is on software now, but that's for a good reason.'

'But it still leaves you alone with a whole building to repair.'