Let me live | Hardzello♡

Chapter 28

Ben gets out of bed and lies down next to Joe. "So… therapy. What do you think?" He asks softly when he can see Joe's mind racing.
Joe takes a deep breath. "I... I think I'm going to see that therapist." He says with a small smile.
Ben looks at him in surprise. "Are you sure? I get that it's a big thing." He says, rubbing his hand over the ginger's back.
But Joe nods determinedly. "I'm sure. I can't imagine being here without seeing you. So going to see a therapist is a small offer. And I've had therapy before, I just never managed to stick with it." He says with a small chuckle.
Ben smiles, leaning in to press a sweet kiss on the boy's head. "I'm already proud." He says. His heart warms when that earns a giggle from his boyfriend.
"You big sap." The ginger giggles. He snuggles close to Ben, letting out a content sigh. "Now all that is left is finding you a place to stay for when you have to go." Joe whispers.
A shiver finds its way through Ben’s body at the mention of him leaving the hospital. "Maybe I can just find a hotel close by. Then I can visit you without having to take a cab." The blond suggests.
Joe frowns. "But then you'll be alone. You said that's what you're scared of." He says as he takes the blond's hand in his own. 
Ben shrugs. "Yeah well, we all have to face our fears one day, I guess. If it means I can come over to see you it's worth it." He says. He closes his eyes, still swallowing at the thought of being alone in a hotel room.
Joe places a sweet kiss on the blond's cheek. "If you say so." He says softly, still not completely convinced that Ben will be fine.
"Your mum has lived here all her life, right? Doesn't she know a simple hotel nearby?" Ben asks.
Joe shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe we should call her and ask her advice? I don't want you to end up in some dump of a hotel.” He frowns.
Ben takes his boyfriend's hand in need of something to hold on to. “Me neither. But I don't have any money. I can't afford a fancy hotel.” He says
Joe tilts his head a little. “What about your father's money?”
But before he has finished that sentence, Ben is already shaking his head. “I don't want to spend his money on something like this.” He mutters. “I want to keep it on the bank, for the future. Our future.” Ben looks up at his boyfriend, his emerald eyes sparkling for the first time today.
Joe, on the other hand, seems a bit starstruck by the sudden mention of their future. “We'll… we will find you a cheap hotel then. Should we call mom?” The ginger asks, not daring to look into Ben's green eyes any more.
Ben shows him a small smile and gives the ginger a kiss. "Okay." He nods. "Promise me one thing though." He leans forward, and lets his forehead rest against Joe's.
Joe hums questioningly. The two both close their eyes now.
Ben's shaky breath is the only thing to be heard for a good few seconds. "Promise me you'll recover very fast, so we both don't have to be alone during the nights anymore." The blond says softly.
Joe smiles at that. "I'll try sweetheart." He says before placing a sweet kiss on the blond's lips. After that he grabs his phone, getting ready to call his mom.

Luckily for the two, it doesn't take Ginnie long to answer the phone. "Hi boys!" She says with a big smile.
"Hi mom!" Joe says. "We kinda need your New York knowledge."
His mother raises her eyebrow. "Since when do I have New York knowledge?" Ginnie asks with a chuckle.
Joe shrugs. "Well you know to find the good and still affordable hotels around here, right?" He says.
Ginnie nods. "Yes, that I know. Why?" She asks curiously.
Ben lets his head rest on Joe's shoulder. "Well, I don't know when it'll happen, but when I get discharged I'll need a place to stay. I want to be close to Joe so I'm looking for a cheap hotel nearby." He explains.
Joe presses a quick kiss on the boy's temple, as some kind of comfort. He knows that although Ben won't admit it out loud, it still scares him to be alone.
Ginnie shakes her head. "Oh but darling, you don't need to find a hotel! Ben, if you'd like, you're welcome to stay with us. Hotel rooms get lonely so easily." She says.
A frown appears on Ben's face. "I- uhm... t-that's a really sweet offer Mrs Mazzello, but I don't want to be a burden." He says.
Joe is about to say that he could never be a burden, but his mother beats him to it. "You won't be a burden Ben, don't be silly. You could never be. Our house is close to the hospital, and it doesn't cost you a thing." Ginnie explains.
Ben looks at Joe.
The latter nods as a sigh for the boy to take the offer.
Ben smiles. "Okay then. If you're sure it's not too much trouble, then I guess it's indeed better than a hotel." He says.
Joe smiles at his boyfriend, happy the boy doesn't have to be alone.
"Then that's settled!" Joe's mom says. "But how are you going to visit Joe when the hospital won't let any visitors in?" She asks curiously.
Joe takes a deep breath. "That's what I wanted to tell you. I'm going to see a therapist. If he agrees that I need Ben to keep my panic attacks away, Ben can come visit me despite the quarantine rules." He explains.
Ginnie lets out a surprised noise. "Really? Therapy? Well I'm glad you two will be able to still see each other." She says, not sounding very convincing.
"Mom, I'll be fine, I promise." Joe says, knowing how his mother is worried already. "Plus it will be only one session." He says reassuringly.
Ginnie slowly starts nodding. "Okay then, if you're sure.” She says with a small smile. “I have to go boys. I have to go pick up John." She says.
Joe takes a deep breath. "Okay. Bye mom. I miss you." He says with a small smile.
"I miss you too Joey."
After the call has ended, both boys snuggle close to each other with their eyes closed again.

***

Countless minutes off just cuddling each other like that pass by. With each passing moment, their breathing synchronises, becoming one steady rhythm.
Joe focuses on that rhythm, finding that solely focusing on Ben silences the anxiousness in his brain.
The two don't speak, except for the indirect I love you's they share by squeezing the other boy's hand three times.
Needless to say, a peaceful silence is hanging around the two boys.
That is, until Joe suddenly lets out a wince.
"Are you okay?" Ben asks with a frown.
Joe shakes his head. "I feel nauseous." He mumbles. He wraps his arms around his stomach in the hope to ease the churning a little.
Ben gently caresses the boy's cheek. "Maybe you should get some rest? It's been an emotional day." He whispers, knowing that the nauseous feeling is probably brought on by anxiety.
The ginger yawns, and snuggles deeper into Ben's chest. "Yeah. Can you tell Lucy I wanna go to therapy?" He asks.
Ben nods. "Of course, don't worry about it. Get some sleep sweetheart." He gently kisses his boyfriend's cheek as a sweet Goodnight's kiss.
Wrapped up in the bubble of safety that is his boyfriend, Joe can feel himself get drowsier with the second. "Hmm." He hums, slowly dozing off as he listens to the sound of Ben's slow breathing. He lets his head rest on the blond's shoulder, and his hand on the boy's chest. He taps Ben's chest three times one last time before succumbing to sleep.
"I love you too." Ben smiles.

<><><>

Later that day, it's time for Joe's therapy session.
"Are you nervous?" Ben asks, knowing it will only be about five more minutes before the hospital therapist will be here.
Joe shrugs. "A little. I'm just so scared it will make me recall things I finally managed to forget." He says as he stares ahead.
Ben gently cups Joe's cheek, making the boy turn his head and look Ben in the eye. "It's gonna be okay." He whispers with a smile before leaning in for a kiss.
"Thank you." Joe mumbles when they break the kiss.
Ben smiles, and sits up. "I'll be in my own bed with earphones in, okay?" He says reassuringly. "Just give me a nudge if you need me."
Joe nods. "Okay." He smiles a little, happy Ben is being so thoughtful. He is pretty sure that if Ben would be listening to his conversation with the therapist, he'd probably avoid talking about a lot of things, just so he won't worry Ben.
"Are you still nauseous?" Ben asks while moving back to his own bed.
Joe nods with a frown. "Yeah. Maybe it's just the nerves." He mutters.
Ben tries not to look too worried, and flashes Joe a smile. "I'm sure it will be alright. I'll be right here, blasting music until you need me." He says with a small wink.
Joe smiles at that. "Thank you." He mumbles, getting ready for his therapy session.

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