A Court of Wings and Fate

54. Crushing Debris

"Clearly." Mikael kept climbing. Estelle forced herself to follow. "You chose to come along. I said you could stay behind."

"You're my mate. I couldn't let you face this alone."

"Maybe I wanted to be alone!"

"If you wanted to be alone, you should have said so."

"Would you have listened?"

"No," she grunted, "but I would have asked why." Mikael didn't answer. Estelle measured her breaths, forcing herself to look up instead of down. "Why did you want to do this alone?"

"It doesn't matter. You're here now and I can't persuade you to turn back. Just keep climbing and stop distracting me."

"I thought you said you were glad to be a distraction for me."

"I am, but right now, it's you who is being a distraction to me."

Estelle didn't reply. She had paused again and screwed her eyes shut. Her head was spinning as a breeze buffeted her wings. I can catch myself, she said. I can catch myself. If only she knew she'd be able to use the shadows to transport herself to safety as well. That might have eased her anxiety further. I can catch myself. If I fall, I can catch myself.

Panic clutched her heart. She could catch herself...unless she was paralyzed by fear. That had happened to Lysander once. He'd fallen while learning to fly and had, quite literally, frozen in fear. He couldn't move his wings to catch himself. Azriel managed to grab him before he would have splattered on the ground at the base of the ten thousand steps leading up to the House of Wind.

"Estelle, let's go!" Mikael hollered.

She pried her eyes open. I can do this, Estelle told herself. The shadows wrapped around her arms, squeezing comfortingly. I won't fall. She managed to lift her leg and wedged her foot into another hole. Estelle raised herself on trembling arms. I've never fallen off of anything in my 124 years of life, she thought. I won't fall. I've never frozen. I won't freeze now.

I won't. I won't. I won't. She dug her nails into the rock, almost until they broke. Panic fogged her mind and flooded the Bond. She heard Mikael pause overhead.

"Batsy," he called, his voice gentler now. "I'm sorry. We'll go slower. Are you all right?"

Estelle couldn't answer. There was a lump in her throat, forbidding her to speak. Mikael stroked the Bond. She tried to focus on that soothing sensation, even as her limbs trembled. Her palms were cold with sweat, making it hard to grip the stone beneath. A frightened whimper escaped her lips before she could catch it.

"I'm coming back down," Mikael said. "Just stay there."

Just stay there. Don't let go. Don't lose your grip. Just stay there. Don't let go. Don't let go. Don't let go. The thoughts pounded through her temples. Was her grip loosening, or was that an illusion caused by the terror that snagged her mind?

"I'm going to fall," she gasped. "Mikael!"

"You're not going to fall. Just hold on. I'm almost there. Extend your wings. That might help you feel a little safer."

Estelle tried to obey. She tried to extend her wings. The muscles in her shoulder blades cramped. She couldn't. She couldn't move her wings! She was scared enough that they were frozen in place.

"I can't!" Panicked tears blurred her vision. Her hands were slipping. The ground was shaking. "Mikael!"

"I'm coming." She heard the wind rustle in his feathers as he snapped his own wings open, preparing to fly down to her.