Blossom 🌸

SIXTY 🌸

I shifted awkwardly on my feet. "I need to change." I held my oversized bed T-shirt up. He smirked.

"So change." I gave him a tilted head glance and he shuffled himself to a kneeling position, making his way over to me. "Or are you asking for help?"

"No , I-" he took the bed T-shirt out of my hand and set it down next to him. Then he skimmed the back of his fingers over my stomach, lifting the material of my tank top ever so slightly . I closed my eyes, relishing under his touch.

"I could help you, if you wanted me to?"

I glanced at him with pleading eyes, he had already awoken that feeling inside of me, the feeling I loved but hated. The heaviness in my groin, the ache, the temptation to touch, the dampness. But I needed to deny it and he needed to read my mind and just do it anyway.

Please just know. Just know what I want, don't make me ask for it.

"Silence isn't consent Blossom, I'm gonna need something." But that's all he got. Silence. "Okay, I got it. I'm sorry." He moved his hand off my stomach and backed away on the bed.

Regret flooded my insides and drown me like I was in the bathtub. "I'll turn around while you change." He held out my bed T-shirt and I grabbed his arm, not letting it go. "What are you doing?" He laughed.

C'mon, please just know I want you to touch me.

His free hand cupped my cheek softly and I exhaled sadly. With his thumb he wiped away an escaped tear. My fathers voice made my ears bleed, he called me a slut. He threatened me. Told me of my worth.

"Don't get upset, it's okay to not want it. I'm just craving intimacy right now but I shouldn't put that on you. I know your deal." 

But I do want it. I want to feel him touch my naked skin. I want to touch his. I want to kiss him deeply while the warmth of his body suffocates me in safety. I want him to make me feel, to give me that sense of belonging. I want to say yes... I just can't.

"I don't want to be asked for permission that I can't grant." Those thoughts bubbled up beneath the surface of his skin. "I just want you to make me do it anyway." He stopped kneeling up and sat on his feet.

"I can't do that Blossom. It goes against everything I've been brought up to believe. Consent. It's important. For you and for me. I'm not comfortable with that."

"I trust you."

"But I'll feel like it's forced, you already look terrified. I'm not okay with doing that."

"Please. I trust you. I need it this way, don't ask me to consent to the things you do. Don't put that pressure on me." I didn't recognise my own voice. It cracked, it was upset and fearful and laced with guilt. It was my natural voice, the voice I grew up with. The voice I used at home.

He looked lost, like someone swooped down and proved all his thoughts wrong. His mental struggle was sizable. I threw him a crossroads and now he didn't know what path to take.

"Are you sure?" I gave him an exhausted look and he shook the thoughts out of his head. "Oh, right. Okay. Sorry... so I'm gonna undress you, that's all. We need to start off small, get comfortable with each other. Yeah? Yeah." I felt disappointment seep through my pores, I wanted more. He released a sexy chuckle at my reaction.

He hesitated before he gripped the edge of my tank top and raised it up to my navel. He searched my eyes for any doubt, which he would've found. I could see in his face he didn't want to do this, maybe I was the one forcing him. 

When he dunked his fingers into the waistband of my leggings and peeled one side down to the thigh I stiffened and he immediately stopped again to look at my face.