Prey

Chapter 62

It always was.

There was never a single moment in time where she ever planned on giving me what I was so convinced that I wanted.

My eyes fell to the skin on her neck and what I could see on her shoulders, specifically at the bandage she still kept on her left one.

And the lighter dots of skin... the scars she's acquired because of it.

Because of me.

That and so much more.

"Xander?"

The sound of my name brought me back enough to realize the thick ache in my throat and chest, as well as the tears brimming over in my eyes.

It was my breaking point, hearing it like that with her voice.

Something snapped, my vision went hazy, and the next thing I knew, I was on my knees.

"I'm sorry," The words that I knew would never be enough spilled from me, as well as the tears from my eyes, "I'm so, so sorry for everything!"

My hair fell in front of my eyes as I kept my head towards the floor.

It felt like I couldn't even face her.

"With Lalya I-" My voice caught, and I heard her breath do the same, "For ever dragging you into the mess with her, and making you deal with the brunt of my mistakes. For getting caught up with her in the first place."

It felt like I was choking, like pulling this from me was taking everything inside me with it.

"I was stuck. I-I got myself ingrained in her and I couldn't see anything past that despite how clear it was for everyone else. I let her drag me around and control my every decision, I let her control you. Just in the hopes that then the end was somewhere in sight and I'd get what I thought I wanted."

Tears dripped down onto the floor and the fabric of my pants as I tried to catch my breath.

I couldn't. Not through the convulsing in my lungs that this bawling was forcing through me.

And still, I spoke. I had to. She needed to hear all of this.

"I don't know why I ever thought any of this was worth it. She was never worth all of this! All the shit she put you through and I just let her!"

My head ached as I spoke as if the memories of the last few years we're going up in flames as I could finally see them for what they were.

Pinpointing every single mistake, each one just adding more and more to what was I was already carrying.

And I let it crush me.

I felt like I needed to suffer. Like I didn't deserve a single pinch of kindness that anyone had to give me for just sitting back and allowing what I did.

I needed to atone in every way possible, and even then it wouldn't be enough.

I don't know if anything would be.

"I know that I'll never deserve your forgiveness, but I want to try. I want to do anything I can just to atone for even an inch of it. I don't care how long it takes me."

I eventually grew the nerve to raise my head and face her.

To see the complete disbelief on her face through the hand she had covering her mouth.

I found myself caught up in just the sight of her. The sight of this insanely strong, beautiful, kick-ass woman and knowing what I'd done to her.

My throat shut and chest burned, yet I forced the words out.