Saving Steve (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Chapter 53 - Sketches

You're impressed by the little orange earplugs. They must work better than you anticipated, because as you step silently through the open door of the office you glance to your right and spot the top of Steve's messy blonde hair - still completely unaware of your return. 

You watch for a moment as he tosses a piece of wadded up paper up in the air, catching it as it falls before repeating the action. Up, then down. Up, then down. His chest rises rhythmically with his tosses, his shoulders moving with each breath. In the dull glow of twilight that seeps in through the thin curtains his skin holds an auric glow.

You slowly reach out a hand and rest it lightly on his brow, running your fingers through the golden pieces that fall around his face. The moment your hand makes contact with his skin, he rolls his head back to look at you, offering you a gentle smile before sitting up and patting the couch next to him.

As you cross to his side he pulls out the earplugs, pocketing them as you sit.

"I'm sorry," Steve says quietly, before you even have a chance to open your mouth. "I should have told you about Peggy."

"Steve-,"

"No," Steve interrupts you. "That wasn't fair to you. To find out about her that way." Steve takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly as he reaches into the cushion behind him and pulls out his black notebook, running his fingers across the cover. "I've been trying to find a way - a time - to tell you about her."

Tell her, you think. The last item on the list.

"Oh," you say, heart sinking just a bit having hoped that single line had meant something entirely different.

"Y/n...you're not her," Steve says quietly.

You stifle a sharp inhale as your eyes cut to him - Steve's words are daggers to your heart.  And aren't what you expected to hear. Your jaw tenses as your brow twitches, but you keep your poker face, staying calm despite the torrent of confusion and hurt that rages within at those three simple words.

Not the three you had been hoping to hear.

"But that's why I...that's why you mean everything to me."

Confused, you look back up at Steve whose tender expression puts you on guard. His words aren't matching his face, and you're not understanding. 

"Steve, I don't-"

"I loved Peggy because she never treated me different," Steve says quickly. "She never looked at me like the sick, weak thing I was. Instead she believed in me. Helped turn me into what I am today. In every way. You...you aren't her. You could never be her."

You inhale sharply, tears brimming in your eyes. The emotional whiplash causing a headache to start throbbing in your temples as you find yourself wanting to flee once more. But Steve sees that look in your eye and puts a hand on your thigh, speaking before you can move. 

"You could never be her because Peggy only decided to love me back after I became Captain America. But you? You've cared for me from the start, Y/n."

You jerk your head up to look at Steve.

"Peggy was always in charge," he says quietly. "She had her own career. Her own future. Loving me was...a risk. One she didn't find enough value in taking. Not until it was safe for her to do so," Steve says quietly. "But caring for me was never safe for you. Not when you thought I was just another homeless man. Not when you found out I was the Renegade. And definitely not after being dragged through interrogation and threatened with imprisonment," Steve says firmly. "But you never let that stop you. You were...you were willing to go to the Raft for me," Steve says in astonishment.