Fractured from the Fall

The Pain of Pleasure

"Lily is thinking about college, but isn't quite sure yet."

She didn't know why he said it. She'd never mentioned college to him, but he probably figured with a baby on the way her get-the-hell-out-of-dodge plan was off the table.

"It's kind of late in the year to apply, isn't it?"

"I uh," Lily spoke up, trying to swallow the vomit that was rising in her throat. "I might take some time off for a bit."

His father, who had been pretty quiet for most of the evening, made a disapproving face.

"Well I can certainly understand that," his mother jumped in. "Sometimes kids just need a break after high school."

Kids, Lily thought. That's how people saw them, as kids. And now they were kids having a kid. Lily felt hot and thought she might throw up.

"Will you excuse me," she said, and she quickly beelined it for the bathroom.

Luckily in a house so large, she didn't have to worry about anyone hearing her vomit, but she kept the water running just in case. Once she had pulled herself together, and cleaned herself up, she made her way back to the dining room, but no one was there. She could hear voices in the kitchen as they cleaned up the dishes. Lily stood behind the dining room wall and eavesdropped.

"Do you think Lily will follow you to college?" she heard his mother say over the clanging of dishes being stacked and put in the dishwasher.

"You act like I'm going far mom. I'll just be a half hour away."

"Still, you'll be very busy. I don't see how you'll find the time to see one another."

"Lily and I will make it work," he tried to avoid directly answering the question.

"I just want to make sure you stay focused. You'll be very busy between football and studying. And you know how important you getting a college degree is to your father. He won't leave any of this to you or help you out financially if you just mess around, especially because of a girl."

Lily let out a gasp and then immediately covered her mouth hoping they hadn't heard. Ford had already been accepted to college and he was going to play football? Why hadn't he told her? And by the sound of it, his parents would be less than thrilled when they found out Lily was pregnant. He'd lose his inheritance. Having this baby would cost Ford everything!

"I'll be fine mom. You don't need to worry," he kissed her on the cheek. He was so sweet, even with his mother. Lily didn't know much about their future together but she knew one thing for sure, he was going to be a great father. Now she understood why he felt so comfortable with the idea of starting a family, because he was raised in a loving one. He had two parents who adored one another and looked at Ford like he was a blessing. Lily didn't know what that felt like and she certainly didn't know how to provide that for a child.

"Can I help?" Lily asked as she entered the room.

"Oh no dear," his mother hoped Lily hadn't heard their conversation. "Why don't the two of you go relax."

"I thought I'd show her around the ranch," Ford said.

"Oh good idea honey. There should be a spectacular sunset tonight. You kids have fun."

"Thank you for dinner," Lily said and his mother came over and gave her a big hug. The feeling of a mother's arms wrapped lovingly around her was so foreign to Lily, she didn't know how to respond.

"Thank you for making my son so happy," she whispered in Lily's ear, then she pulled away and smiled. Lily felt sick again. She thought about how disappointed Ford's parents would be once they found out about the baby. Would they hate Lily if Ford had to give up college and football to raise a child? This baby was going to ruin more lives than just her own.

Ford took Lily's hand and walked her out back through the fields to where a large cherry tree sat on top of a small rolling hill. Winter was fading into Spring and the plants and trees were in full bloom. The bright pink leaves of the cherry tree were lit up by the sun as it made its descent into the sky. Snowcapped mountains lined the background. They looked purple in the evening light. Lily sat down under the tree and Ford sat next to her.

"I don't think I've ever seen a sight so beautiful," Lily said, looking out over the land.

"Me neither," Ford replied, but he wasn't looking at the sunset. His gaze was fixated on Lily as he tucked her hair behind one ear. He pulled her towards him and kissed her. After the night she'd had, it felt so good to feel his lips pressed up against hers, his tongue twisting with her own, his teeth tugging at her lip, pulling her back for more. Having sex with Ford was the only time she could forget about the insanity of what was happening. In the ecstasy of those moments she was free from her brain, which was currently running wild, overthinking everything. 

"You can't give up your future for me Ford," she said breathlessly, as he continued to kiss her. Then he stopped and looked at her more seriously than he ever had. 

"You are my future Lily. You and the baby." 

He held Lily's head in one hand, their foreheads rested against one another, while his other hand lay gently across her stomach. 

There was something so sexy about the way he wanted them to build a family together and as scared as she was, Ford had never seemed hotter. Lily wanted to remember why she had gotten herself into this mess to begin with. She wanted to make the voices in her head stop for just a moment. She wanted to forget everything else. She needed Ford. She wanted to feel him inside of her, to feel pleasure instead of pain. And she figured, she was already pregnant, so she had nothing left to lose.

She guided Ford's hand from her stomach, down under her dress. His fingers brushed up against her most sensitive part and then he slid them inside of her. Lily moaned. It felt so good, but it wasn't enough. She unbuckled his pants, hands furious and fast, in desperate need of him. He raised his ass and pushed his jeans down his legs. Lily climbed on top, pulling her underwear to the side and pushing his chest back so that he was leaning up against the trunk of the tree. She lowered herself down on top of him slowly and this time it was Ford who was moaning. She moved slowly at first but it felt so good and she didn't want to wait any longer. She drove herself down on top of him faster and faster, as he dug his fingers into her hips. She knew he couldn't last much longer and neither could she. She looked up at the tree, pink leaves dancing in the light, as she reached her release and her whole body quivered. She collapsed onto Ford's chest and rested her head on his shoulder. Her breathing hadn't yet returned to normal yet she was already in her head: stressed, sad and overthinking the future. Pleasure was so fleeting, yet pain seemed to last forever, and she couldn't help but wonder if the pleasure of being with Ford was enough to deal with the pain of living a life she never wanted.