Azriel x OC

Chapter 26: Myself Again

Levain

The training with Azriel this morning has already started to pay off. My shadows have quietened down and are starting to realise that I don't feel threatened around these people anymore. It is a nice reprieve from them whispering in my ears to kill everyone. 

The first week I was back I didn't feel like myself at all, I spent most days curled up in the bed watching life pass me by. The second week I made conversation again, only a little at first but I tried to get back into my own mindset. This last week I have been building myself up to trusting Azriel again. Part of me wanted to trust him this whole time but the damn shadows wouldn't let me. But after this morning I finally feel like myself. Finally leant into a touch from my Mate and didn't feel scared once. Didn't worry he would hurt me or that I would lash out and hurt him. 

I sigh as I look at myself in the mirror, the hollows under my eyes have started to disappear and I can finally see life in my eyes. Life that I want to protect at all costs. That includes ensuring I never get taken again. I pull on a simple dress with long sleeves and a small v that ends just above my cleavage. I follow the laughter from downstairs and feel myself smiling at the warm feeling growing in me at the thought of being around my friends. No longer the sinking weight or tense shoulders.

"I have never embarrassed myself like that before." I hear Cassian practically shout. Before laughs from everyone else in the room surround me.

"You totally vomited all over our bedroom after you tried to keep up with Mor." Nesta lets out even sounding humorous.

"Told you." Rhys laughs back and as I round the corner I can see him pointing a finger towards Cassian. But then the laughter stops as everyone notices me walk in. I hide my disappointment at how much of a burden i must have been these last few weeks for everyone to look at me like that. I move across the room slowly and take the seat next to Azriel. Looking into his eyes as he pulls it out for me I see that at least he is still holding the light for me form this morning. Enough of this, enough of them walking on eggshells, I'm not going to let them anymore. I pull in a deep breath before trying to continue the conversation.

"Just would like to remind Cassian that I had to clean the males toilets for an hour after he drank to much tequila one night and couldn't make it home." Everyone in the room is quiet for a few moments. I look up to see everyone looking back at me with shock written all over their faces. I quirk up my lips into a smirk before everyone lets out booming laughter.

"Cassian that's not very gentlemanly." Feyre quips across from me first. Everyone holding their stomachs and still chuckling.

"Although I'm not surprised." Mor offers from next to her.

"Hey that was a tough night ok." Cassian whines out from next to Azriel and looks around him to me, giving me a glare. Azriel reaches for my hand under the table and I lace my fingers with his giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"Sure because Nesta had told you that she thought Azriel had the biggest wingspan." I laugh out as I smirk back at him. That earns me another round of laughter from everyone. Cassian whips his head from me back to Nesta, who simply shrugs as if she still stands by her statement, before crossing his arms and pouting. Such a great look for an Illyrian warrior. As the laughter starts to die down a little I relax into my chair and my hold on to Azriel's hand. It feels nice to feel normal again. Relaxed and at ease. I look across the table at Feyre and Mor who give me a small smile and a nod as if recognising the trauma and how I am slowly coming back from it.

The rest of dinner goes by with a few more laughs and just a general lightness that I have been missing. I look across to Azriel a few times and see him smiling back at me every time. I can't help but feel my own smile grow each time he squeezes my hand under the table. It's a reassuring touch but I find myself wanting more. Different to how I needed him to show me he was real the first night back, I actually want this. I want to be with him. After being away from him for so long. After fearing everything that he did. After flinching at him and pushing him away. I want him.