One day after another - A Villain TodoDeku story

13. Acceptance

A/N : Just for your information, I'm drinking coffee now, and I really don't know if it was a good idea. Just deal with it. Also I might start to share songs I'm listening to while writing here above. 

 ⚠Mention of self-harm and rape⚠

[Midoriya's POV]

Did he just... He's asexual? That means I could love him without to much risks...

I go up in my room and lay on my bed, lost in thoughts for hours.

I could never bring myself to even think again about what happened with Shigaraki until now. But, today, I need to let everything out. I want to talk to Todoroki about it. Maybe we have a chance together. I mean, I'm not asexual or anything but... What Shigaraki made me do... What he did to me... I can't bring myself to have seggs with anyone after that... I hate myself for what he did to me, I can't look at myself in the mirror, I started to cut again... I hate everything about me, about how weak I am... Maybe I should just die, it would be easier, right? I wouldn't have to deal with myself anymore, and nobody would suffer like Todoroki suffers for me. 

No, I can't leave like this. If I have to die, I'll die fighting. 

But still... it hurts so much... I need to talk to him, I need to take that off of my chest, finally.

I get up on my feet, put on some more comfortable clothes and head to Todoroki's room. On my way, I pass Kaminari's door and hear some noises I never wanted to hear in my life. I speed up a little until I arrive in front of his door. Shigaraki. I stop, my breathing becoming heavy. I feel my chest tighten and I'm shaking like crazy. I want to scream, but I can't just scream in front of his door... I try to move and force myself to Todoroki's door. Trying to control my breath, I use the little strength I have left to knock.

M - "Todoroki? Can I?"

[Shigaraki's POV]

(Just for a few lines, I feel like it would be great to have small little POV like this)

I hear a heavy breath on the other side of my door, and small sobs. Izuku... He's having a fucking panic attack at my door.

Is he going to enter my room? Does he want to talk to me again? Is he even forgiving me?

No, that's not his type... 

I move toward the door quietly, and at the same time, I hear him move away. I look outside to see him walking with difficulty to Todoroki's room.

I miss you... I'm sorry, you deserve better than me, I know that now... He'll make you happy, I know that as well...

[Midoriya's POV]

I enter slowly the room after he agreed to me coming in, just to find him having a big panic attack, just like me.

I manage to sit next to him after locking the door, and we start trying to control our breath together. I let my head rest on his shoulders, which makes him jump a bit, before relaxing more. After five minutes, we're both calm and talk at the same time.

M & T - "What happened?"

We look at each other and laugh quietly. I tell him to explain first, since how I feel doesn't really matter anymore, like it did matter one day, uh?

T - "Well, you were there... I came out and I hate that. I know I'll spend the rest of my life without knowing love, because he's right, Kaminari I mean. Everyone wants seggs at some point in their life. How am I supposed to find someone else like me? I should just accept the fact that I will be alone forever..."