Brand New Eyes

If I'm A Bad Person...

"Okay. Well, you wanna get writing?" "No, not yet." He said, placing his hand over mine, as I was beginning to open the lyric book. I just looked from his hand to his face. "I have a question for you." "Okay. Go ahead." "Do you ever sometimes look at me and feel something, or do you just ignore it because you know our circumstances?" "Josh..." "Hayles, please, just answer me." "Well, Josh, I used to. And sometimes I remember, but I don't really feel that way for you, anymore. You shouldn't, either. You're in a relationship with someone. Don't continue something you know you can't handle." "Like what?" "A relationship." "You know what? You're right. Let's started." "Alrighty, then," I said, opening up to a song I finished writing early this morning. I didn't sleep at all last night. I stayed up writing this song, I titled "Bury The Castle". It was about a girl, who lives in this fantasy world and can't escape it because she's so afraid of what reality would do to her. And this isn't an autobiographical song; this isn't about me. This is about people I know (of) that have been like that and are still like that. And I've been accuses of living that way, but this still isn't about me. "So, this is a song I started writing last night and finished writing this morning." "So, you stayed up all night and wrote this?" "Yup. I made a lot of revision to it."  "I see," he said, chuckling down at the paper." All of the crossing out and scribble scrabble." I just shook my head, "Listen, it took hard work." He said, "Alright, well, you wanna sing it for me or do you not have a melody, yet?" "No, I have a melody. Trust me."

"Okay. Oh! Wait, Zac's calling me," He said, before picking up his phone. "Hello? Yeah, you can come over. I'm over here with Hayley, going over some of the songs and the lyrics. We might as well. Yeah, just tell them to all come. It'll be better for all of us to get together anyway. Alright. Bye." "What's going on," I asked. "Who's coming along with Zac?" "Taylor and Jeremy. It'll be better for all of us to have something together anyways. And we'll need an instrumental for the song. So, don't sing the song, until they get over here." "Okay." "So, in the meantime, we can talk about improving our friendship and telling each other what we should fix about ourselves." "Okay, sure." "But, we must, also, tell each other the good things about ourselves. So, that we don't feel entirely insecure." "Alright. We have a deal." "Okay. So, you have to go first." "Why me? You made up the rules." "Because I said so. Now, go." He told me, playfully. Whatever," I replied, rolling my eyes. "Um... Well, I think that you have a bit of a jealous streak. But, it really has nothing to do with Chad. I'm just talking about with publicity and all of that stuff." He looked at me confused, so I carried on. "It's the little stuff. Like, how you kept saying that I was making everything about me, when that's not true at all. You know that I always wanted our band to be seen as just a band; nothing more. If anything more, it'd be seen as a talented band, a legendary band, or a band that cares about their fans. But, that still makes it a band. It's not my fault that they want me to be in photo shoots by myself, or that they want me to be in an interview by myself. That was never what I wanted and you were there when I turned down a ton of magazine offers. So, I don't know where that idea came from, being the fact that when I joined the band, I purposely wore boyish clothing to take the attention off of me. And if I got attention for that, I don't see why." "That's because everyone knows you're a girl. Let's be honest. You're pretty." "Well, thank you. But, that right there, is not something I have control over, even though I didn't wear any makeup or anything." "Alright; I don't fully agree with everything, but I'll admit it- I have a bit of a jealous streak. Is that it? Or do you have more to say?" "Besides that, I think you're a bit judgmental. You constantly make yourself seem higher than you actually are." "I don't agree with that." "Well, you do it a lot. A whole lot." "I don't even wanna get into how many times you make me feel down about something. Or make a statement about someone else, where you can't voice your opinion because you don't know how to walk in someone else's shoes." "Give me an example, Hayley. Just give me one."

"I don't know... maybe, whenever you notice the things about me that aren't the same as when I was younger." "What are you talking about?" "Well, since we haven't been hanging around each other as much, and we've all become something less like best friends and more like business partners, whenever I decide to do something I wouldn't have done or thought about doing when I was somewhere around sixteen, it's always you in my ear, telling me if what I'm doing is right or wrong." "Well, I don't think that's such a bad thing. Shouldn't you be a little grateful that I'm helping you out with your decision-making?" "No. I'm twenty years old. I'm gonna say and do what I want. You wouldn't like me to be telling you that what you're doing is wrong, when I know that you're damn well twenty-one." "No, I wouldn't mind it." "Yes, you would. I'm telling you about yourself right now, and it seems like you're the one in denial about your actions." "I'm not being in denial, if all I'm doing is telling you that I don't agree." "Josh, whatever. I don't wanna talk about this anymore Our main focus is this album, before we hit studio day 1, in two days." "No, I didn't get to tell you about how I feel. You're always so selfish. All you ever care about, or want to hear, is you. But, when it comes to me, it's whatever." "Josh, I'm done arguing with you." "Well, so am I." he said, before getting up and going into his kitchen.