Home. (L.N.)

28. Confrontation

"Oiii oiii look who is up early" Max is coming my way with his umbrella. The weather is still shit. It is cold. It is raining. Awful. And my mood is not very good either. I spent an hour reading the articles published about me. I just couldn't help myself, I was curious what they would say. And let's say my expectation didn't let me down. "Riccardos new love?" "The woman behind Riccardo" "Mount done, Riccardo next?" All these titels and others of the articles are rubbish and very hurtful. Do they not have anything more important to talk about then an ordinary girl and her private life? After having enough of this crap, I wanted to check my social when I saw similar stuff there. Lots of fanpages posting these pictures and Fangirls of Masons writing about it as well. It was a huge wave of rumours and hate. I felt awful and dirty so I just got up and went to the track instead. Never in a million years would I reckon to be in papers just because I was seeing a footballer and was hugging a racedriver. It feels unreal to me. Now the Dutch guy is standing in front of me, at least he seems in a good mood. Of course he is, he is on pole for today. I give him a cold smile. "Oh dear. You saw the press" He pulls the trigger and I am going off. "Max I swear this is bloody ridiculous. Who the fuck they think they're to judge me. It hurts. It looks like I am a slut just wanting to get successful men. How am I even that interesting that they follow me around and take pictures of me?? And these fanpages...they make me crazy. I am so bloody close to loosing it" With my hand I pull the hair out of my face while shaking because of my anger level. I raised my voice while I let out my rage, the Red Bull driver listens. "Just ignore them. It's the press. They try to make headlines", a voice with a heavy accent appears next to me. The voice of Charles, by his side Charlotte giving me a look filled with pity. She rubs my arm "Don't let it affect you. You know it's not true. Mason knows. This is the most important" A smile appears on her face trying to comfort me. "He does know, right?" Max's eyebrow is raised in the air looking at me with worry. "That's the thing. He was the one telling me about it all." "So he believed it?", Charlotte's eyes widen. I shrug "At least he asked if it is true" Charles shakes his head "Ridiculous" "You should talk to him about it", Max points in the direction of the McLaren garage. "He is normally very chilled with this kinda news", he winks. I nod. They are right. Daniel and I will spend so much time together from tomorrow on, that a weird spreaded rumor about us shouldn't be in our way. So let's see how he is feeling about it.

"Look there is my girlfriend", I hear the Aussie laugh. After I said hey to the Haas team and spend time with Mick I made my way over the the papayas. I would've jump on this joke if I didn't see the reaction of the young brit next to Daniel. His head flinches around just so his eyes can meet mine. His eyebrows shrug in confusion. I box Daniel against his shoulder trying to ignore Lando as much as possible. "Stop it" "Oii we are such a cute couple" Daniel throws a arm around my shoulder and gives me a little kiss on my head. "Not sure if Mason approves", I hear Lando mumble. I turn towards him not paying attention to his comment but smiling at him, while my heart was hurt by his words. I muster him. He looks tired but fine. It was good to see him alive, well and cocky. "Hey Lando, how is you elbow?" He takes a sip from his bottle. "Bit bruised but I am fine. How are you?" "You scared me yesterday." I admit. I hear Daniel next to me suck in the air and moves out of the way. It is just Lando, me and a few engineers around. "Since when you care?" he spits back. I raise an eyebrow. This hurts. I tried to be nice. "Of course I care about you." I step closer to him. His blue eyes pitch back at me. He can be quiet intimidating. I want to lay my hand on his arm to show him my affection for him, but it would be highly inappropriate. Besides that I learned my lesson in Silverstone. "Good to know" he chuckles under his breath. He doesn't believe me. "Just because I don't date you doesn't mean I don't care. Please don't act like this towards me." "Fine" he puts a smile on. It's not an honest one. It doesn't reach his eyes. He just hopes to please me so I leave him alone. This frustrates me so much that tears start rise up. He is not worth it. Whatever I feel for him, I want it to go away as soon as possible. I can't believe I would choose him over a guy like Mason. I am disgusted by myself. "Fine I leave you alone", I mumble and storm out. With my back towards him I do not see his face drop in guilt. I speed towards to the Alpha Tauri garage seeing Pierre in front of it. "I need you."I grab his arm and drag him with me around a corner where it's a bit quieter. His face is covered in surprise. I normally would've went right to Mick but I have the feeling Pierre is the better option at the moment. The French looks at me with worry." Are you OK?" he places his hand on my shoulder. "No" I shake my head in fury. My blood is boiling. "Pierre I am gonna loose my fucking mind." I say while running through my hair trying to control my breath. "Are you having a panic attack?" And thats the moment I realize what's going on with me. I nod. "Yeah" I gasp out. My eyes are fixed on his. The panic in my eyes are mirrored in his. My breath goes even faster, my knees getting week. I start to see stars in front of my eyes. When I start to loose my balance I grab Pierre's arm. "Sit down" he let my body slowly slide down the wall and crouches right next to me. He holds my hand. "Breath Anna" I concentrate on his voice to calm down. He places a kiss on my palms. With my eyes closed and head rested against the wall behind me I get flashbacks from yesterday. Fuck sake. He makes me weak. He is not worth it. "I am sorry" I whisper out. "Don't apologize" the French men lays the arm around my shoulders and places another kiss on my hand. "I am here" With every breath I take its getting better. His presence helps a lot. The worst thing would be alone right now. When I feel like my heartrate is close to normal I can open my eyes. What I didn't recognize in my panic was that Daniel sat down on my other side. He was here again when I fought through a panic attack. Embarrassed and just emotional exhausted I start to cry again. I try to cover my head in my hands. But the hands of Pierre have them in their grib. His face is filled with worry and disbelief. I reckon he didn't thought I would fight such demons from time to time. "You are fine with us Anna. We will not leave", the calm voice of Daniel makes me look at him. A slight smile is on his lips, it's not mocking me it's comforting my soul. The tears start to get less till they stop completely. "What happened?" Pierre let's go off my hands and rubs his forehead. This poor guy is completely overwhelmed. "I spoke to Lando." "Oh God damn it. What did he say?" Daniel seems frustrated. "It wasn't his fault. It's all mine." "How?" Pierre is highly confused and passes me a tissue. I dry off my tears on my face. "I want him. He is all I ever wanted. And know that I finally know it. He is gone. Happy with someone else. It hurts to see him. It rips me apart and Mason doesn't even know. But he is such a good guy. He is really the dream guy. I try so hard to fall in love with him but Lando is in the way. I think I shouldn't come to the tracks anymore, it's always messing lots of things up. This morning I was I was ready to leave Mase but now I know what I fight for. I will not push a good guy away when an arsewhole like Lando is the reason. He is not worth it, I deserve better. " My eyes stare in the unknown while I finally speak out how I really feel. The pain in my heart is stronger then ever. I never talked about my feelings so direct. But today was too much and the boys by my side earned the truth. My head slides down to meet Daniel's shoulder. We sit there for a while in silence before Charlotte appears in front of us. "Daniel what the heck. We are looking for you." She throws mad looks at him but when she sees that he comforts me her eyes soften. "I am sorry babe but these guys need to get going for the race. Pierre let's go." she commands the boys to get up. She crunches down to me while the driver's leave the place with a little smile my way. "Are you ok? Is it because of the fight with Lando?" Her hand lays on my knee. My head rests now against the wall. My body urges for sleep that's all I want I am just exhausted. "Yeah, I am sorry for that scene" I mumble looking at her embarrassed. It's shitty enough that my friends saw me like this but a basically stranger wasn't ideal. "Don't worry sweetheart. It's all good." She pulls down her masks so she could actually smile at me. "Cmon let's go. The race will start soon. Mick is surely wondering where you are." She takes my hand and pulls me up on my feet. I quickly check around if anyone saw me. My fingers untangle knots from my hair and I swipe under my eyes the dark shades away. I need to fresh this up as soon as possible.