look at the stars | sunsun

ten.

The minute he steps onto the ice, he knows he's not in the best condition. The fatigue from the past few days of training is catching up to him, and the lack of good rest isn't helping his case. More pressingly, he can't seem to let go of, even for a second, the 8.35 difference separating him and Sunoo on the scoreboards.

This doesn't bode well. He acknowledges it matter-of-factly, but of course, acknowledgement and acceptance are far from being the same thing.

He tries to occupy his mind by envisioning of merry go rounds with people on it ( I don't know, what else am I supposed to think of when I hear Merry Go Round of fucking Life?). As he expects, it doesn't work. Maybe he should have watched the show, but it's too late of an afterthought now.

"Sunghoon Park representing South Korea, skating to Merry Go Round of Life!"

Sunghoon doesn't know what first alerts him that something is very wrong. Is it him missing a triple axel, the same move he hasn't missed for two years now? Is it him forcibly turning a quadruple loop into a double, after realizing it's too late to shift his miscalculated velocity?

Is it the lightheadedness that begins midway saturating him, weighing down every movement he makes with an unbelievable slowness?

He barely makes it to the end of his song before everything falls away around him.

─

It's clear then, as the on-site medics watch over him in the medic bay. He's burnt out, and severely at that. They say the pressure of the Olympics has gotten to him, as it has to many a star athlete in the past.

Sunghoon doesn't come to for at least an hour after everything.

Coach Bang is next to him when he regains consciousness, huddled in a tiny makeshift chair keeping out of the medics' way as they bustle around at their job. He is immediately concerned upon seeing light back in Sunghoon's eyes, and all Sunghoon can think of in the moment is how sorry he is to let Coach Bang down.

Tears don't come. Sleep does, though, and he re-enters his slumber within minutes, exhaustion wearing him down to the bone.

─

"Presenting Sunghoon Park from Korea, with a score of 302.89!"

"...representing Japan, with a score of 310.27!"

"Kim Sunoo, representing the United States, with a score of 324.76!"

─

Sunghoon's plane departs from Heathrow Airport two days later. He is constantly around familiar faces; his parents and his coach and teammates like Heeseung and Jungwon are all on the same flight back.

For all it is worth, he might as well be on the moon. Surrounded by the never-ending sea of people, he's never been more alone in his life.

"Sunghoon, you did so well!"

"Sunghoon-ah, your father and I are so proud of you!"

"You really tried your hardest, you performed so well!"

It was like the moment the music stopped, something froze over in Sunghoon's head. Words from then on are heard and not understood, nothing of substance goes in.

All Sunghoon knows is his own failure.

He returns to his regular practice schedule when he gets home.