Home. (L.N.)

50. Future Pitchblack

From the outside the boys home might seem needly and gorgeous but what I spot behind Max makes me shiver in horror. It's pure chaos. With a deep breath I come to the conclusion that it's because of the move that's happening soon. Deep down I know it is untrue but it's the easiest excuse I could quickly come up with. In the door is not the person who I hoped for and a little disappointed comes over my body. "Hello, welcome. Come in, " Max waves me inside with a soft smile and his phone in his hand. "Oh is this Anna?" I hear someone say on the other side of the line. With a smile I step in the warmth, breathing out in relief of the temperature hugging my cold body and heating it back up slowly. "Yep, hi Steve." I immediately recognized the voice of the Quadrant member. "It's freezing outside." I say to Max rubbing my fingers. He nods. "Very true. Did you find it alright?" "Yeah how could I miss such gorgeous house." I wink at him but not without peeking at the movingboxes standing around in the hallway. "Don't mind this please." Max excuses the mess. I am really trying but this is the elephant in the room. Somehow I manage to stay quiet about this subject. I am actually excited that Lando is moving to Monaco next year. It breaks the distance up really well. "I think Lando is in a call. Please take a seat in the living room back there. I will get him." "Thank you Max" I drop my bad near the door and watch him turning around but giving me a thumbs up while walking off. "Yeah yeah no worries. Steve listen.." I hear him walking up the stairs but his voice gets quieter with every meter he walks. My eyes flow around the messy house. This is really a bachelor mansion, I smirk quietly. I leave the coat, scarf and hat at the door and step into the livingroom, which Max pointed out to me behind all the boxes. The room is (surprise) also covered in movingboxes, but I recognize this setting from some of the YouTube videos of the Quadrant channel. The pillows I sink in are soft and seem to be perfect for a little nap. Since the sun already started to set, I feel the need to close my eyes for a while and get back some energy. The last night had been shorter than normal, in my head I went through the conversation I will have with Lando telling him I got that exciting job from F1. Besides that I plan that this night to be short as well, but obviously for different reasons.
"Hey Anna" his beautiful voice is soft behind me and makes my heart jump.
When I turn around and I see him after just 4 days without him my stomach explodes in joy with billions of butterflies.

It was way too long without kissing him or even see him. But when I see that he is not able to look me in the eyes, I know something is wrong. That he is uncomfortable with whatever is going, is pretty clear to me, I spot how he nervously plays with his fingers. "What's wrong?" I want to come closer to him but he steps back immediately. Him fleeing from me is like him stabbing me in my heart. All I can do is stare at him in confusion. When I left on the Thursday after the season finale everything was perfect. I am even invited to celebrate Christmas with his family. The uncertainty of his feelings was finally over, at least that's what I thought. But seeing him right now I am not so sure about that fact. What in the heck happened in the four days since I we last saw each other. "Lando?" my voice is shaky, I don't know what's going on, but I am scared and confused. Panic in my chest rises, whatever it is, it's bad. "What's wrong" He is still not able to look me in the eyes. And the fact I haven't seen his gorgeous smile, not once, since I am here makes me sick to my stomach. "I am sorry Anna" he rushes through his curls before looking me finally in the eyes. I see the pain in them. "Don't be ridiculous Lando. Whatever it is we will work it out. Please just let me.. " I reach out to grab his hand once more, but he again pulls it back and hides it behind his back. My eyes fill with tears, it hurts. I just can't see why he would do it, after all we have been through. We could talk about anything, there is nothing I couldn't digest or laugh off. We are a team for the long run and now he acts so distant. It really hurts and also angers me. "Please don't make this harder than it is already." he mumbles and breathes in deeply. His voice is shaky as well. My heart drops as I realize. There is just one reason why he would behave like this. "Is it her?" He looks up at me and I see that I hit a nerve. "No, Lando no", is all I can whisper out, while I shake my head not wanting to except it. I hoped he would say no. Or at least deny it. But lord have mercy, I really hit a nerve. The guilt in his eyes says it all. He doesn't have to speak it out. For me it's all clear. The tears start to float down my face in rivers. My shaking hand is pressed on my mouth trying so hard to hold it all back but I start to sob hard as my whole world just collapses. Again. "Anna, I" he tries to say something, but this time its me that interupts him. "Be quiet. Don't you dare" I press out. The fury in my voice let's him step back surprised about it. There is no way in hell I can listen to his excuses right now. I cover my face with my hands and turn away from him sobbing in my hands, letting out the pain that seemed to numbed up just weeks ago but is now back. And now stronger than ever. He stands behind me like a coward saying nothing. I met his family, they even invited me to Christmas. I told him I love him. He told me he loved me. All lies. How dare he. The anger slowly takes the lead and wipes away the sadness in my body, but the tears just don't stop. "How could you" I face him again with nothing but pure hate in my eyes. My words are soaked with the disgust I feel for him. And they hurt him, I can see it, but I can't care. It's his own fault. They should hurt. It's nothing compared what I feel. "Let me try to explain, please" "I thought you and her were over a long time ago." He shakes his head and my jaw drops in disbelief. "So you fucked her while you told me you love me. Was it that? Because I didn't let you fuck me again?" How could I be so wrong the whole time. How could I fall for him so hard. How could I have no clue what's going on. "I do love you Anna. I truly do" He steps closer to me, reaching out to calm me down. "Don't lie to me" I scream at him, it's me that's pulling away from the touch this time. Trying to keep my dignity, I repeat my words again but this time much calmer. "Don't lie to me Lando." "I don't. I love you Anna. But I love Luisinha more." Hearing these words make me want to throw up. I feel sick and the content of my stomach rising up, just like someone punched me a million times in the stomach and couldn't get enough of it so he decided to kick in it as well. "And you realized it when?" "This morning." "How?" I want to hear everything. It's so surreal and ridiculous that I need to hear everything to make it clearer in my mind. "I woke up with her in my arms and just knew." I need swallow hard. "Is she here?" my voice collapses now. The thought of her being in the same building as me probably in his bad unleashes the Lioness in me. My eyes are glowing as I await his answer. His eyes widen in fear what I potentially would do to her, he never have seen me like this. "No and.." "Does she know about me?" I interrupt him still unable to cope this whole situation that's going on. I can't handle every extra word out of his mouth that doesn't bring clarity to me. When just minutes ago I wanted to be in his arms forever and listen to every single word of his with a smile on my face. I was so in love with him. But I can't feel anything for him but disgust right now. Stupid little Anna. "She does." My eyebrows jump in the air not really buying it. He doesn't has the balls for something like this neither would a woman be stupid enough to stay with him in such a disrespectful situation. "She knows you love me?" He turns away his head. She does not. That's more like it. "Wow Lando, wow" I applause him ironically. The tears stopped falling down as I noticed, the first shock is over. "Anna, I am honestly sorry. I know I did something wrong." "Great .. Wonderful.. And what am I supposed to do with this apology? Does it fix my bloody heart?" "You broke mine twice!" he brings out the old story. My cheecks are now on fire. "Don't start with that. I never played dirty like you, I was honest from the start to the finish. With you and with Mason." I spit out. "You are right" he lowers his voice recognizing he wasn't in the position to make these type of comments. "Who knew?" "Just Max and the rest of Quadrant" this hits me like another kick in the stomach. The people who partied with me knew. Max knew, who opened the door smiling at me. "Great tell them to fuck themselves as well. What about Daniel or anyone else on the grid?" If he would confirm that one of them knew, I would quit the job I didn't even started and never ever return to one of the races. The last six months would basically be a lie. But when he shakes his head I feel a sense of relief. At least they haven't betrayed me. Now, all I want is to get the hell out of here before I loose my mind. I need to run, run far away until everything is forgotten. Lando doesn't try to stop me when I rush to the door and grab my stuff. He follows all my movements with tears in his eyes. Lando Norris is just a shadow of himself in that moment. "Remember when I told you that true love doesn't exist and you said it does and that you would show it to me? Well Lando.. Turns out I was right all along. And I can't believe I fell for someone like you. I thought you are my home, where I want to come to after a long day. That would protect me with comfort from rain, cold and storms of life. I was wrong about that as well." I open the door and step out in the dark and cold. Lando Norris, the one that was once my hope and sunshine, had betrayed me. He shattered me to the ground. He broke my heart and with that the pain in my chest eases up. I feel nothing anymore.

***
So this is the end... Or is it? If you like the end, that's where you can leave this story. If you don't (as I hope so) keep on reading!! Since the first part of the 2. Book is already online. It's called: Homesick!