Fill My Empty Spaces

Part 4 - Making Paths Align

Lady Gaga has difficulties with her past trauma interfering with her late period and Michael is happier than ever.

Lady Gaga was lying on her belly with her feet tucked in Michael's armpit for warmth. Her chin was resting on her arms which were folded over his bare shins. He watched the TV briefly and saw some giant super ugly CGI-snake hiss at a bunch of people who unloaded a whole arsenal of bullets into it. Not impressed by her choice of awfully bad horror/monster movies he tried to lie on the side so he could read without being disturbed by the gore on the TV.

It was afternoon and she had just finished a meeting with a team of people in NYC via her MacBook when she came to lie down next to him and turned some crap movie on. She smelled of weed and something spicy and she wore baby pink yoga pants and a large crewneck in pink and white. He felt her tuck her feet under his back and when he moved she looked up at him over her shoulder.

"It's getting ridiculous," she said.

"That movie was ridiculous from the start," Michael sighed.

"You know what I mean. Your silence."

Michael put the book down and looked into her eyes. "It's all I think about and you don't want to do a simple test."

"Yet."

"Yet." He closed his eyes. "But just to be sure."

"No."

"You're afraid of having to make a decision."

A long exhale was heard before she said, "It's not your body that's–"

He interrupted her by grabbing her thighs and pulled her so he could reach her ass. "Are you telling me this is not my body?" He sat up and leaned down to bite her butt cheek.

"Stop! No! Ouch! Why do you always have to bite?" She slapped his arms but his large hoodie softened her effort.

"Because you are so delicious," he laughed and she sat up to wrestle him down.

"God, you're so frustrating." She fell on top of him when he surrendered and his face bumped into hers. He kissed her and wrapped his arm around her back.

"You're mine. I'm never letting go, babe," he mumbled with her hands on his cheeks as she kissed him back.

"You don't understand."

"I do understand. I understand perfectly well."

His rough chin stroke against her soft cheeks and she pressed her soft lips against his neck.

Her nose felt warm and she breathed faster. "I hate that I can't be mad at you."

He moved on top of her and supported himself on his arms not to put all his weight on her and felt her legs lock around his. He pulled her collar down and kissed her between her clavicles. A small pendant rested between them. He moved it and softly pressed his lips all over her neck. Continued down, raised her sweater so he could kiss her belly. She moaned when she felt his rough face tickle her sensitive skin.

The soft kisses stopped and he glanced at her, suddenly looking troubled and a little upset. His hair was all messy and too long, she couldn't understand how fast it grew. His dark lashes touched his cheeks as he closed his eyes and rubbed his nose.

"I don't get it. Where is the intelligent, driven, rational and fearless woman that I know is in there?" He pointed at her chest. "Who is this cranky teenager?"

She pushed him away and sat up on the edge of the couch. Her hair fell into her face and she swept it away, pulled a deep breath and lit a cigarette. Michael opened his mouth but realized a lecture was not it.

"But you DON'T understand. What I feel just thinking about it now, is... my body remembers and I just associate it with all the bad things," she said. "It's like I'm about to go into a full panic attack. Any second."

"You don't have to go through this alone... I mean... Yeah, you're right... I don't get it. But this is not the same. This is different. I love you, I care, I won't leave you or hurt you. At least not intentionally." He put his hand out and sighed. "And I'm not a therapist, I probably don't say the right things." He ran his fingers through his hair. How could he make her understand that what they had made him the happiest person on earth. And he just wanted her to love him back they way he loved her. "And me saying all that doesn't really help, does it?" He met her eyes and she looked back into his.

"No." She put the cigarette out and seemed so over it. "Mickey," she whispered. "I know you mean everything you say. I know you're full of love."

"You're not ready for this yet," he said and looked like he was 10 years old and denied dessert at a party. "Are you scared?"

She shook her head and looked straight ahead while her shoulders sank. "I'm not scared of having a baby with you. I'm scared of myself and the feelings it triggered when I started feeling sick like... when I was r...." She turned her head to look at him but stopped talking when she saw how broken he looked.

"I'm sorry," he said and wiped his chin. She could see his eyes tear up when he looked at her and then decided to look away. He felt like she rejected his child, even if it wasn't that way. He knew that. In the end it would be her choice, no matter what and he didn't want to make her feel like he was pushing her to keep it. It was hard to hide his emotions, though. Having a baby with the most talented, kindest and amazing woman on the planet would be the most incredible gift ever.

\o/