Fill My Empty Spaces

Part 2 - Breakdown

The traffic was standing still and they were hardly moving. It was another early morning and Gaga had decided that she wanted to go into town again. Michael was losing his patience with the damn imbeciles in the other cars. It was like they all were out in the streets just to block his path. Today of all days! He was annoyed, Gaga was annoyed and barely spoke to him because she was busy talking to everyone else. He mumbled something at the car in front and gripped the wheel harder, as if it would make the lane open up.

He had been wanting to tell Gaga how much he wanted more with her, but he was afraid of being told no and in exchange his mood sank and he didn't like that about himself. It was the opposite of his intentions and he felt like he blamed her for not understanding what he wished for. Maybe it was too soon, but no, why not let her know – without pressure. He felt like he needed to let it out, before it was the only thing that occupied his mind. Just letting her know how much she meant to him.

"Look, Steffi, I..." He ran his hand along his face and felt like a cold sweat on his neck. He glanced at her and she looked completely focused to her phone and paid no attention whatsoever to him. The corners of her mouth were raised as usual and she looked content.

"Is it... I mean, is it wrong... no, it's not wrong but is it... do you see us in like... the future like..."

Gaga's eyes suddenly darted between him and the road ahead of them. Her mouth gaped open. "Mickey, please don't..."

"No, I'm not asking you to... I know what you've said... I just want... us to be like a family," he said while he exhaled and squeezed the wheel like it was soft as a sponge and suddenly became jelly in his hands. His palms were wet and he shied away from meeting her eyes.

Gaga stared at him. It was like 2,000 emotions flew through her brain and tried to connect to the right sockets. She certainly wasn't ready for this conversation. "Mickey, I- can we just not have this discussion now?"

"It's a no then. Just say no."

"It's a... I don't know. I can't just..."

"So no."

"One day! Yeah, maybe."

"It's a no."

"YEAH! One day, but–"

"Just say NO!"

"Not now, Mickey! Where's the FIRE? Maybe you should find someone named Donna or Melissa to date, someone who makes scrap book memories of her cocktail parties and share pie recipes with her blonde girlfriends? Can you even look me in the eyes as you..." She grabbed his shoulder. "I'm not just–"

"I know who you are!" Mickey said, stepped on the brakes and pushed the car door open in the middle of the lane. Someone honked and he so wanted to flip them off but he contained it, knowing someone might recognize him as he was with Gaga.

"Yeah, walk it off. Cool it off, boy!" she shouted at his back.

Michael left the car and walked across the road and past the walkway until he reached the narrow beach strip where he stepped out of his shoes and then threw one of his sneakers hard into the sand. Gaga looked in the mirror and saw some reflexes in it. Oh great, paps. Oh great job, Mickey.

MEN! Usually they became desperate when they thought they were losing her, but a guy getting baby fever – that was new.

Michael reached the water and turned and walked straight into the water for a few yards. He turned around and looked to see if she had moved the car when he realized how irresponsible it was to leave her there. When he looked up he saw a guy sitting at a coffee table with a camera. Cursing out loud he pulled the hat down harder on his head. Stupid fucking paparazzi and their stupid fucking cameras.

"I'm an idiot. I'm the worst egoistic idiot in the whole world," he muttered and spent another 2 and a half minutes walking along the beach with his hands behind his neck. However, it was very rude of her to call out women who liked making scrap books, he thought. As if that would justify his own ridiculous outburst.

The anxiety of returning to the car made his stomach churn. He could see her tiny figure standing by the waterfront looking for him. Her hair pulled up in a loose bun with a scrunchie on her head made her look inches taller, but her short legs and tilted hip gave her away as the petite package she is. Most of her long hair was still down and the sea breeze ruffled it. She had hiked her pants up to protect them from the water and held the phone in one hand and his sneakers in the other. She looked annoyed, even from this distance. People walked by and gave her a brief glance as if she reminded them of someone but they weren't sure.

Somehow, the fact that she went looking for him, made it easier to go back to her.

"You do know you're impossible to live with, do you?" Gaga said loud and clear. "I thought you were going to drown yourself."

He glanced at her. Embarrassed for his own behavior. "I wanted to let you know for so long and then everything I say or do these days come out the wrong way because it's all I can think about."

"Yeah, can we just like... drop that. Please, I don't want you to walk around thinking about it. I love you. You're my teddy bear."

He bit his lip and glanced at her with one eyebrow raised. He thought about how she was crazy beautiful and talented and he was just lucky. "No. Right," he said and took his sneakers.

"Can we just go to the shop now," she said and held her arm out.

\o/