My Type - Jungkook ✔️

Chapter XVI: What are we?

Jungkook's lips linger on my neck, kissing the bare skin delicately, his nose brushing my skin and causing me to sigh. My fingers run through the strands of his hair, but my eyes are closed, sleepy and exhausted. Our naked bodies entangled together, and the relaxing silence fills this room, and I absolutely love it.

But my mind is full of things... not bad things. Just thoughts and memories. Things my mind is just passing through at the time. But somehow it's all about Jungkook. It's funny how he seems to occupy my mind all of the time... but right now, I don't mind. He's everywhere on me. My mind, and my body, my lips, my tongue, my fingertips... Just absolutely everywhere.

"Can I ask you something?" I blurt out. He stops his soft kissing, and lifts his head. He hums, smiling at me just a little. "How did you go through your life? High School? College?" I ask. I notice his hesitation, and I rephrase it... "I mean... for me, once I had sex, it was something I felt like I needed to feel. The love or intimacy... You said you lost your virginity in High School, and up until me, you haven't had sex since then... How did you do that?"

He understands my questions, and smiles. "Well, you knew how my family was. We're all close, and I didn't feel the need to fill that void... I didn't feel required to find a different source of affection..." he answers, but looks down after a second, seeming hesitant again. "But I also just...don't want to be taken advantage of. A lot of people want to have sex, and leave. So many girls wanted me just for how I was in bed, and I didn't want that. I wanted a real relationship." He finishes, making me watch his face.

It never occurred to me how our agreement would have an effect on him. This whole time he knew he was only in my life for sex, and not once did he say anything about it. He allowed me to use him like that, and he just went with it... God, I feel like such an ass. Jungkook's insecurity was being wanted for only sex, and I did that to him.

Who knows how long this has bothered him or hurt him... This thing has kept him from having a relationship with somebody. Am I not good enough? Did I hurt him again? Why is he still with me right now if he knows that I didn't want him from the start, while he willingly gave up all this time, sex, and love, just so I could feel better... It doesn't make any sense to me. Why is Jungkook still here?

"So why did you stay?"

His eyebrows furrow. "Stay? What do you mean?"

"You knew I only wanted to be with you for sexual purposes, yet you still tried to go after me and make sure that I was okay. Why didn't you just leave? I hurt you, Jungkook," I say, my fingers dancing over his bare chest.

"Because," he mutters, making my eyes jump to his. He has this answer so quickly. "I love you...I mean it when I say it. I'm not just throwing it loosely with you, I truly do love you, and I'm trying to help you get better. I didn't care if I was hurting myself when it came to you... as long as I could have some time with you, that's all I wanted." I stop and just look into his eyes. Jesus, he's perfect. "I don't think you realize how much I mean that. And I don't think you understand exactly how I feel for you..."

It's this again. My heartbeat speeds up, and my stomach is in my throat. Yuna was telling me this, and I didn't know what to say about it. But now he's telling me himself...

"No, Jungkook, don't ruin it, please..." I say, pushing against his chest to stop him from speaking. I don't want to get in my head and freak myself out. I just want to be with him how we are.

"Y/n, I have to say it, just listen."

"I don't know if I can do this again... It wouldn't be fair for me to just go on with this. I'm not even completely sure if I feel the same for you. I haven't done anything like this since High School, and it was so long ago... I'm scared of failing and hurting you," I let out to him, his hands pulling me closer to his body as I let it happen.