Mirrors & Shadows

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝐈𝐈

յօ 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔱𝔥𝔰 𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔬𝔯 ~ 𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔱𝔬𝔣𝔣𝔢𝔢𝔰 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔫

Despite her gloomy mood, Luna's morning had been practically normal. She had bored a full classroom of three hundred students with a three-hour lecture.  Then, waited patiently—or rather impatiently for about 15 long minutes that the printer regurgitated three hundred exam papers she would be handing out the next day. However if her morning was normal, the rest of the day certainly wasn't.

At noon, her stomach rumbled so loudly it was embarrassing thus, she decided to take a break. She set off towards the café nearby that she used to work at when she was a grad-student herself. She ordered tea. The usual. But when it was served she couldn't bring herself to drink it. Instead she stared blankly at the tea bag tag.

Her adoptive mother had this habit, where she would discreetly insert the quotes on tea bag labels into Luna's pencil case. Luna often refused to talk to her and refused to be talked to. So, the quotes weren't exactly her adoptive mother's words but it was her gesture. Sometimes, Luna would regret throwing them away and other times she would be mad with herself for keeping them safe in her desk's drawer.

This particular tea bag label didn't have a quote, though the realization of her adoptive mother's death hit her stronger than it had the first time she had been notified. She was just gone. She would never again think about the tea bags. To others such a realization might seem a little out of place but to Luna it was real. She got up and stormed out of the café.
    "Hey!" the waitress shouted after her. But nothing else mattered anymore. She tread down the street, her heart heavy. She felt like crying real bad but her eyes were dry and burning from lack of sleep. Instead, she turned corner after corner no longer caring where her feet took her.

After a while, her left foot landed awkwardly on the pavement and she tripped. That was when she recognized the building in front of her. A surge of hope lifted her heart in her chest though a whisper of reason told her it was false. Nevertheless, she was drawn to the red door and Haussmann style architecture. She played with the numbers on the code pad, knowing that she would need a great amount of luck to find the right code. After a few desperate tries, she sighed and sat on a bench nearby and waited. And waited some more.

For some strange reason, part of her thought that her biological mother might suddenly open that door, and head to the metro like she would do when she was alive. At each time someone exited the building, her heart swelled with excitement before tightening the moment she registered that it wasn't her mother. The area became less busy and Luna retreated to the miserable fragment of her mind dwelling grimly on those guilty memories she had of her interactions with her adoptive mother.

    "Would you like some more, Jack?" Her adoptive mother asked a scrawny looking boy whose small legs dangled from the dining room chair and whose shoulders barely reached the table.
    "Yes please Mrs. Ginber." The boy accepted shyly.
    "You can call me mom from now on." The adoptive mother smiled broadly as she passed the plate along the table. Noticing his unease, she added. "Or if that sounds too personal yet, you can call me Lydia."
The boy nodded. Luna's glare traveled around the table. She slammed her silverware abruptly on the white wooden surface, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
    "Will you ever learn?" She reprimanded. "This boy isn't part of your household and never will be!" Luna repeated furiously. The room froze at her brutal statement.
    "I know you've got a high opinion of science but biological parents don't always make parents in the essence." Her adoptive mother answered gently. Luna's temper fumed. What was that supposed to mean? That her biological mother wasn't a 'mother in the essence'? She felt the heat rise in her cheeks. But before she could reply, her adoptive father intervened. "What I think your mother means to say is that maybe deep down that isn't what you're truly upset about."
His nervous frame and attempt at reason annoyed her. She hated when people assumed stuff about her. Plus, who would assume they knew more about someone's feelings than the person in question?
    "Oh yeah?" She drawled. "Then what am I truly upset about?" She paused and shook her head. "You really are clueless." Her voice progressively rose in speed and intensity. "You think you're so generous adopting a kid that isn't your own. You're so damn proud of yourselves for it. But he'll never be your son. No matter what you call yourselves, you're not my parents and you're not his."
Lydia's hand settled on her forearm. A flash of a vision crossed Luna too quickly for her to prevent the shock.
    "Honey, we didn't adopt Jack because we thought you weren't good enough." Lydia interrupted calmly.
    "Don't touch me!" Luna exclaimed sourly while shirking off her adoptive mother's hand. "What makes you believe I'm jealous of that rascal?" She gestured toward the small willowy boy with ruffled brown hair, flushed cheeks and innocent brown eyes on the verge of tears.
    "Because maybe if you feel like you're not worthy, you'll see our adoption of Jack as proof that we don't love you and want a replacement. I understand we aren't your parents but we're all that stands between you and that gap your parents used to fill."
Luna swore. "You know what? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm done trying to talk reason into you people." She was ready to storm away to her room. However, Lydia's glare turned forbidding and she grabbed her adoptive daughter's wrist firmly.
    "No, Luna. He deserves a loving home just as much as you."
Her voice was low but final. The vision was like a punch to the head. It was more vivid this time and more painful. The use of Luna's name outraged the troubled teenager. She had no right to assume. She had no right to accuse an orphan of being selfish. She had no right to use the name she hadn't even chosen. Without thinking, Luna picked up the salad bowl in front of her and flung it at her Lydia's face. The glass shattered.