Apparently, I'm Dead

Chapter Thirty-Two

PERCY

My breath comes shakily.

Why did I do that? Why did I do that?

I controlled them. I controlled all of them, and oh gods, Magnus was scared of me, and I hurt Alex, and then I got mad at them, and I am such an idiot.

I close my eyes, but all I see is Magnus's face, screwed up in horror. It turns into Annabeth's face, screaming, pleading for me to stop torturing a goddess with her own domain.

Then it shifts into something I've never seen before.

It's a face, with poisonous, acidic green eyes. The mouth is curled in a terrifying smile. The skin is translucent, so much so that I can see through it to the bones underneath. It looks almost like a zombie. But the expression is what scares me. It's sadistic glee, happiness at causing others to feel pain.

Air stops flowing to my lungs. I stumble over my own feet, falling against a wall and sliding down it. I grab my hair and pull, trying to remind myself to breathe.

That was me.

My gods, that monster was me.

Is that what I looked like when I controlled the poison? Akhlys's tears?

Something in me cracks, and whispering voices come flooding in.

Monster.

Monster.

Monstermonstermonstermonstermonstermonstermonstermonstermonster...

It repeats endlessly, never letting me have a moment of silence. How can I make it stop? I need it to stop!

It doesn't stop. It never stops. It just goes on and on and on and I can never get a reprieve. I am a monster, and I'm lucky that I don't dissolve into gold dust when I touch Celestial Bronze.

Wait.

What does my blood look like?

I let go of my death grip on my hair, and place my nails on the skin of my arm. I scratch furiously, trying to get to blood, to make sure that I am still human, that I won't bleed gold or become yellow dust.

After all, my father has created many monsters. How is it that I was lucky enough not to be one, and Tyson was born a Cyclops? Tyson has never tortured another being for his own... enjoyment. He hasn't slaughtered hundreds of demigods, or for him, Cyclopes. He's more human than I am, and yet...

Finally-finally- A drop of blood leaks out. I let out a sigh of relief-or maybe that was the first time I've breathed in a while?- as I see that my blood is red, only red, I am mortal, and if not human, at the very least not a monster or a god.

I hear the pounding of footsteps behind me and whirl around, flicking off Riptide's cap at the same time. The blade extends and almost catches somebody in the throat.

"Jesus!" Alex cries, snapping his head back to avoid getting stabbed.

"Wrong pantheon," Sam replies.

Magnus sighs. "Percy, put the sword down."

I slowly lower my sword. I feel blood dripping slowly down my arm, towards my fingers.

Magnus's eyes track the trail. He stifles a gasp.
"Percy," he mutters, dashing towards me and grasping my arm, "What did you do?"

"Checking," I murmur, "I just had to make sure."

"Make sure of what?" Magnus snaps. "What could possibly drive you to scratch yourself so hard that you bled?"

"It's not gold," I say, dipping a finger in my blood and bringing it up to my eyes. "It's not dust. It's red, only red."

"Of course it's red," Magnus says, confused. "Why wouldn't it be?"

I furrow my eyebrows. Didn't Magnus see it when Loki bled? "Gold is the color of gods' blood."

Magnus's eyebrows shoot up. "You thought you were a god?" he asks skeptically.

I cringe. "That makes me sound so arrogant. I just had to check, I had to make sure..." I sneak another glance at my blood as I trail off. It hasn't changed in the minute I've been talking to Magnus.

"And the dust?" Alex asks quietly from behind his boyfriend. He's looking at the ground, and seems almost ashamed.

"The monsters," I answer. "Monsters bleed gold dust."

"Percy!" Magnus cries, his finger slipping from where it was trailing down my scratches to heal them.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"You're not a monster," Alex says. "Don't ever think that you're a monster."

"Don't you know?" I laugh bitterly, "Most of my father's children are either gods or monsters. What makes me think I should be lucky enough to be different?"

Magnus looks up from where he was looking down at my arm. My cut is completely healed now, and the tingly feeling in my arm has just evaporated.

"Percy," he says softly. "You are not only your father's son. That is not your only defining trait."

A bitter laugh bursts from my lips, surprising even me. "Yeah, sure. Nobody cares about my water powers and how they benefit whoever I'm fighting for. It's just because of my charming personality that people keep me around."

"Well, yes, actually," Magnus replies, jutting his chin out. "I know you were being sarcastic, but people do enjoy your company. You're funny, and kind, and you'll do anything for your friends."

I stare at him. What is he talking about?

Sam keeps speaking while Magnus takes a breath to continue talking. "You're clever, and though you dumb yourself down for some reason, your plans always work, even if they sound reckless. You've saved the world at least three times, and it's not because of your powers. It's because you can help people find their full potential and save their own world."

I feel my fingers loosen on Riptide's hilt and it clatters to the ground. I don't bend down to pick it up. Nobody except my mom has ever said anything like this to me before. There's a wonderful, peculiar feeling of warmth growing in my gut. I look over to Alex, hoping that he'll say something too. I know I don't really deserve it, controlling him the way I did, but maybe he still likes me?

My heart soars as Alex opens his mouth to speak. "We don't keep you around because you're useful. I don't think any of your friends do. It's because you're our friend, Perseus Jackson. Get that fact into your thick skull. Not our weapon, or our tool. Our friend."

There are tears in my eyes as I smile.

It's Percy's birthday, so of course I had to post a chapter.
Thanks,
ATOTALMUSICALNERD