Your Grace - Burak Çelik

CHAPTER 42

"Yes," replied Ayedah. "That is true. It's because of my 'behaviours' that came about due to my episodes that my family despised me. Were ashamed of me. It was why I was labeled as a misbehaved child...and unwanted." She smiled sadly at him, as he stared at her. "The rest is history," she went on. "I disowned myself, left, came here. And for about seven to eight years, I haven't experienced any Bipolar symptoms or episodes...until now."

"Wow..."

Burak breathed in and out slowly but deeply, straightening himself on his chair at the table. "Ayedah, I don't know what to say," he said. "I...I really-" "You don't have to say anything," Ayedah said shortly. "You really don't...it's okay."

"But...why didn't you tell me?" was his final question. "Why did you hide it from me, Ayedah? Me, Ayedah?" His expression had turned sad, and Ayedah squeezed her eyes shut when she saw it. "I know we haven't known each other for years or anything, but I believe we grew close enough...close enough to want to get married, even. Why didn't you tell me? You know you could've trusted me," said Burak. "I just want-"

"I've never told anyone other than Ozge and Aunt Gab," answered Ayedah, cutting him off. "And my parents- my mum especially- forced me to never tell anyone either when I was younger. I couldn't trust anyone, and I learnt not to trust anyone, especially with this." She smiled melancholically; "When you came along, I began to grow out of my shell," she revealed, causing his hard expression to soften. "I began to trust- I learnt to trust. I trusted you. I did, Burak, I did. But..."

"But what?" asked Burak, looking concerned. "Was it something I did...?" "No, it wasn't you," said Ayedah firmly. "Keeping my disorder a secret has always been me. In truth, I don't know what it was that kept me from telling you, but maybe it was because I had a fear that that's all you'd see me as- just a girl with Bipolar Disorder. Mentally sick, ill. I thought that if I told you, that's all I would be to you." She looked down again; "Now I know that none of that would have mattered to you," she said quietly. "Now I know that you would've just been there for me no matter what. Your heart is good, Burak...warm, kind, loving, gentle...open. Accepting. You accepted me as I was and I know now that you would have still accepted me just as well if you knew of my secret. But things were going so well for us, you were the first person I had gotten close to, the first person I had learnt to trust in so many years...I didn't want things to change between us."

"But in hiding it from me, things did," Burak finished for her, making her nod as she gulped down yet again, not wanting to cry in front of him. "My heart was too cold, Burak," Ayedah whispered. "Too resentful, too untrusting." Burak inclined his head, and he too, looked away from her.

She inhaled deeply and straightened herself up. "But that's not why I'm here today," she said firmly. "I'm here not only because I want to ask for your forgiveness, but also because I want to know where we're headed from here onwards."

Burak breathed in sharply, still not meeting her eyes. He did not look as if he wanted to speak of it...he still seemed to be in some kind of denial. "Burak, I know things have been hard," began Ayedah. "But right now...we need to make sense of where we are, especially in terms of our relationship, if we want to keep this healthy. Like it or not...as of now, I'm still your betrothed- still your wife, even if we haven't made it legal yet." She looked down; "If you want to break up, that's fine," she said quietly, feeling hot tears spike her eyes. "I'm going to go with what's best for you. You've had my best interest at heart since...since we met. It's high time I did the same for you. Whichever way you want to go with this...you deserve it. I'll give it to you."

Burak did not answer her, or even look at her.

"If you want to continue with this, move on from all of this...put it behind us, I'm willing to do that too," Ayedah continued. "Anything that you want, Burak. What's good for you is good for me. But I want you to promise me something..."