Hitorijime My Hero

Again

TW: Mentions/Attempted rape and PTSD symptoms

I love you

I know that. How can he say it so easily? He knows that I love him, doesn't he?

I wish there was a way I could express it. Now that work and school has started again we've both been busy, but since I'm not working we have more time than before.

It was a Wednesday went I made Kousuke lunch for the first time in a while and I held left for the school building early so I could put it on his desk. He ended up texting me around the end of first period to thank me. This is my last year of high school, then I can marry Kousuke and we could have a happy life together. The thought of us having a wedding and actually being married makes me smile like an idiot, I love this man and I know he loves me.

For a couple of months everything was perfect. I was in the boys washroom when my heart was pounding against my chest as though it was trying to win a boxing match with my rib cage. Bathroom, that's where it happened, where I became the most useless and the most vulnerable person to walk the face of the Earth. Everything is hitting me like a train. It's coming back to me. The time where I was so helpless that I couldn't even pick up my cell phone. My eyesight began to blur and I didn't even notice that Ken had come to check on me, guess I was here for a while. Apparently, he ran to get Kousuke because he didn't know what to do. Of course everyone in his class was confused about the situation and the last thing I wanted was to distance himself from his job, but like always, he came to my rescue. My hero and soulmate all wrapped up in one, there's no question about that. He reached the bathroom and slammed the door open before coming to my side. I was sitting in the corner of the washroom with my knees pressed to my chest, my head resting on them, and my arms crossed in front of my face. A warm hand began to rub my back and my breathing slowly came back to normal. Apparently Kensuke put up a temporary out of order side on the bathroom door and it was locked from the inside. Kousuke was holding me in his arms and comforting me. He didn't ask questions or even speak, just having him there was enough for me. It was only when my breathing returned to it's normal paces did he ask what had happened, and I told him. I told him that I was getting flashbacks to that night, that all the feelings that were happening that night, and the feelings that night had caused. That I still blame myself for the events and that although I understand fully that it wasn't, the possible outcomes if I had done something different. Kou suggested I go to therapy to try and work out my issues with someone who is more experienced, and although I would usually be against it, I agreed. If I don't talk to a licensed therapist the situation might never resolved itself and I want to get better. We decided that we would discuss more of the topic when we got home, but until then we had to return to our classes. Lucky, Kou was able to say that he left because of family matters and his students didn't question him.

I showered when I got home, since Kousuke had an after school meeting, Kenny was going to Asaya's after school, and Ms. Ohshiba was still working; I had the house to myself. I threw on one of Kou's hoodies and my own shorts. The hoodie smelt of cigarettes, cologne, conditioner, and a hint of beer; the scent of Kousuke. I used to believe that his smell was overwhelming, but now it's so calming. It remains me of him and the feeling of being loved and safe. He hasn't stopped smoking, but he doesn't go out with his friends all that often since the incident. As much as I love the attention and time I'm getting with him; I don't want to get in the way of him living his best life.

It didn't take long for Kousuke to return home. As soon as he entered our room, I got up from the bed and hugged him. Without a second thought, he returned the hug and asked me what it was for.

"I'm just happy you're back" I said.

"You're more affectionate than usual, is this because of your panic attack?"

"No, I just don't think I show you how much I appreciate you enough"

"Masa...you don't have to worry about that. I already know how much you care" he replied.

We stood there for a bit, drowning in each other's warmth. There are still times I question how I got this lucky. Having Kousuke in my life is a blessing and he's the perfect person for me. I can't imagine a future without him in it, I love this man, so much it hurts, but I'm ok with that.

A few days passed and I wasn't feeling anything out of the ordinary, but I did figure out that Kousuke won't let Wyatt use the bathroom during his class since that was the best punishment he could give him without giving away clearly that they had an issue in the past. It was around midday when I had to use the bathroom and found myself having to walk to the other side of the school. Apparently, some guys were getting high in the one closest to my classroom, so they shut the bathroom down for a bit. As I was about to leave I saw a figure that shocked me, one that made me feel sick, and shook me to my very core. Wyatt. He stood between me and the door as my eyes focused on his hand, watching to see if he'd locked the door, if he'd try again. This time I won't back down. I'll kick, punch, run, scream, anything to ensure he will not get his satisfaction. A slight click could be heard as the lock to the washroom was turned and he slowly approached me. At first, I backed away, but when he placed his hand on my hip I froze. My body was frozen, but I didn't let it last too long. Using all my force I kneed him in the crouch and ran to the door as he dropped to the ground in instead pain. Before I could think my feet carried me to Kousuke's classroom. I didn't care if he had a class or not, I will not allow myself to let my anxiety overpower me. Luckily, he didn't have a class when I got there. He took one look at me and knew that I needed him, and badly. I didn't even see him get up before I felt his arms wrap around me. I sobbed into his button up shirt as his warmth surrounded me like a blanket.

"Baby, what happened?" Kousuke asked after I had calm.

"W-Wyatt" was all I could manage to get out through my hiccups.

"Did he... do it again?" I felt him tighten up, his anger was growing.

"No, I didn't let him, but he tried" I said, clutching onto Kou's shirt.

"Let's head to the office and get this taken care of" he said.

At first I tried to protest, but I knew he wasn't wrong. We made our was to the main office, while we walked Kousuke wrapped his left arm around my shoulder in order to give me some comfort without it looking concerning. When we reached the office Kou did all the talking and got us in to speak with the principal. Kousuke explained the situation as me running to him because he is someone I know in the school. The principal check the security camera records from the hall and realized that Wyatt did go in before I came out. She, the principal, was quick to call Wyatt to her office and his parents. As soon as he stepped into the door, Wyatt's face went pale at the sight of Kousuke and myself. He took a seat in the chair Kou, who is now standing behind me, was sitting in as we waited for his parents. When they walked in they automatically rushed to see if anything was wrong with him, as if the rest of us weren't there.

"Your kid is not hurt; however, you'll have to find another school for him to attend" the principal said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Wyatt's parents were arguing with her, even after she told them what'd happened. They were saying I was a liar, that Kou was lying, and that the two of us had some agreement going on. Well they were right about one thing. Eventually the principal had enough and dismissed Wyatt and his family for them to never return. Kousuke and I were also excused. I was told to go home and rest from the trauma, while Kousuke got back to work.

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Hi everyone!
I currently posting this on my birthday! My girlfriend and two best friends came over to my place and we had a blast! I hope you are all doing well and that you are taking the proper cautions against the virus. Everyone around me today was fully vaccinated and I suggested that if you are of age that you do too. I hope everyone is having an amazing day/night and that you love yourself a little bit more today (as my birthday gift from y'all)!
~🐝