Swinging Tire

15

"For the sake of the band, Axl..."

Alan 's words were lost on Axl's mind. He was sitting on the window ledge of his hotel suite, a bottle of brandy, and a good one it was, nested between his legs. Outside, the sky was so blue it made his eyes hurt, but the air smelled like November frost, mulched leaves, and sadness.

For the sake of the band. Since putting Guns and Roses together, everything he'se ver done was for the sake of the band. To get them gigs. To get them signed. To produce and album. To get radio exposure. To sell records and make money. Everything was for the sake of the band. For the dream he and Izzy had. For they only had music and their dreams, and Axl realized it wasn't worth shit without Izzy. Or Slash, for that matter.

Was it too selfish of him? To love two people so intensely?

He needed Izzy like because Izzy was the only constant thing in his life, the only godamn relationship he had with someone that he actually could look up to, Axl admired Izzy, Izzy inspired him.

And he needed Slash because, fuck, he just needed the air in Slash's lungs into his lungs, the fire of his guitar, the lyrics into chords, the way Slash used to look a him adoringly.

But now they were thrown into each other, and Axl and Duff, in wich he trusted enough to share Izzy with, where left behind, washed ashore, like twisted branches bleached by the sun after a hurricane.

"Fuck off Alan." Axl looked at Alan. " Book the meeting. I'll be there as usual. Or not." He gave one long pull on the bottle, feeling his chest burn in disgust. " You never know how things might tur nout, will you?"

"That'swhat I mean, Axl. Look, I know shit's been strange. I have a feeling even I know what's going on . But don't throw everything out the window. Not now Axl. You guys are so very close."

"Close to what Alan? Close to spontaneous combustion? Close to the brink? Cos God knows I'm close to something, and you wouldn't like to hear what."

Axl heard Alan's soft sigh as he walked to the door. He would leave him alone . For now at least, so he decided to drink as much as he could before passing out.

He woke up a fewhours later, naked on his bathroom floor and crouched on the toilet as the familiar wave of cold sweat seeped over him. Nothing to throw up but bile, but it was a while before he could drag himself to his bed. He looked at the clock and cursed when it only read 3:00 AM, curling on the middle of king size. He didn't want to think about Izzy. He didn't want to ask where he was. Was he asleep,curled around Slash? His pulse raced on his temples at the thought, hate and rage bubbling inside him like a poisonous cauldron. His very fist thought when he woke up in the mornings was to check if Izzy was still alive. If he was with him,he would listen to his breathing, to his heartbeat, would inhale his scent then sit on the window and smoke. He was never much of a sleeper. Too many nightmares and the fear of being vulnerable made him a night owl, a early riser.

Izzy would wake up and bring him some coffee, steal his cigarette and go back to bed, ruffling his head on his way to it.

"Asshole. "Axl would smile.

"Yeah, I'm an asshole, but can be, cos I have a massive cock. Now quit brooding and come back to bed."

And Axl would crawl under the covers, curl around Izzy and have the only good few hours sleep of the day.

He looked at the empty bed, and cried.

****

Another show. Another two hours screaming himself hoarse, giving the crowds just what they wanted. Duff was drunk before, during and after, but Izzy was so hammered he had to play best part of the show sitting on his ass. Slash tried to cajole him into going straight to the hotel but then Slash didn't know Izzy.