Lush Corruption | Harry Styles AU | BOOK 2 ✓

11

“The day we got back from New York, I left your place early to go see a doctor. You knew I hadn’t been feeling well, but I tried to downplay it because I wanted you to enjoy our trip, but I made an appointment to see my doctor the morning after our flight landed.’’ He broke eye contact and focused on the ground. “My doctor sent me to the hospital to take a few tests, routine blood work and stuff.’’

I knew Harry had herpes, that much was clear to me, but I needed to hear what he was feeling and why he couldn’t come to me about it. Harry had been silent for a few minutes, he was clearly having a hard time explaining things to me and being so honest.

He stood up, and grabbed a glass of water for each of us. He didn’t ask if I wanted anything to drink, but he knew me well enough to know that I needed one. As he handed me my glass, our fingers brushed our eyes met as the electricity flowed through my body. Harry had this effect on me that I couldn’t understand; his touch paralyzed me, but in the best possible way.

Harry cleared his throat, and retracted his hand before gulping down his water. He placed the empty glass on a small table in front of me, and took a seat on the couch beside me. I turned toward him, using his silence as an opportunity to really look at him. He had dark purple circles under his eyes, his lips looked rough and chapped, and his hair limply fell in his face. He looked exhausted, and I felt the urge to hug him, but I couldn’t. He had to finish, and I had to show a little self-restraint.

“I agree with you, it was stupid to go to William with my problems. I should have gone to you the moment I found out, but I was selfish and scared. Herpes isn’t something you ever get rid of, you know that, and I thought that this was your fault.’’

“For a moment I hated you, because I thought you had been lying to me this entire time while you hypocritically demanded honesty from me. Distancing myself from you wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be though. The anger faded, and I couldn’t help but think about how you were feeling: if you missed me, or whether you had found somebody else already. It drove me crazy, and I knew I couldn’t leave things the way they were. That day, in the parking lot, I just wanted to define the ending of our relationship. I felt like crying when you walked away from me, I couldn’t be with you but I didn’t want to be without you either.’’ He started to shake his head, and I frowned. ‘’I was so wrong, Vicks.’’

I clenched my jaw when he called me Vicks again.

“Sorry,’’ He said, clearly understanding the shift in my demeanor. “I called you ‘Vicks’, I shouldn’t have done that.’’ He chuckled. “I never slept with Carmen, Vicky. I haven’t had sex with anyone since you, I couldn’t. You were so perfect for me, in every way, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you long enough to even attempt to have sex with someone else.’’

“You thought about me all the time?’’ I muttered faintly.

“I still do,’’ He corrected me.

My lips were sealed after his response, and I broke our eye contact. I couldn’t do it, couldn’t trust him after everything he had done. He pulled my hand into his lap, intertwining it with his; I attempted to pull my hand away, but he only held it tighter – I didn’t object a second time.

“I have been a dick. A massive dick, and I’m not even going to try to deny it. I have been pathetic excuse for a boyfriend, and a disgusting excuse for a man. So I’m going to be completely honest with you from now on.’’ He assured me truthfully. “I can’t forgive myself for this, and I’m sure you can’t either.’’ I nodded in agreement.

“I don’t want to push myself on you, I’m going to take things slow.’’

“I don’t want to date you, Harry.’’ I admitted.