Inception {Dreamnotfound}

34 | Ghosts | 34

"It's here, alright," he insists, tapping the band on his wrist, then pointing to the floor. "You belong here, and to hell with anyone who tells you otherwise."

'You know you're lying.'

Tubbo glares at the words as I sign them, shaking his head. His mouth opens to protest before I can even finish, but no words come out. I take that as my cue to continue, half wondering if he'll bother to acknowledge it anyway. 'If I belonged here, that band wouldn't sting you.'

"Tommy, I've told you a million times already, I don't care about that!"

'Well I do!'

I'm not sure how well my tone conveys when it's silent, but the flare of anger within me mixed with the flash of fear that crosses his eyes makes me think he knows what I mean. 'Have you ever thought about that?! I know it doesn't bother you, but it definitely bothers me!'

'I'm constantly reminded what that thing does to you, and even more frequently reminded that it's because of me. I'm already half responsible for this system. I'm half the reason it exists, and therefore half the reason people get hurt. That includes what happened to Karl.'

Something far less angry than before causes Tubbo to recoil a little at the mention of that name. "Yeah, and I'm the one left here, quite often alone, when you disappear randomly," he spits, failing to meet my eyes.

"Ever thought about how it must feel to wake up feeling like your body is on fire, screaming so loud you can't hear yourself think? To look across the room and see that once again, your sleeping bag is empty without warning."

Both pale and dark blue begin to glisten, filled with tears that threaten to overflow. "You just leave here, randomly, and I don't ever know if you'll actually come back!"

'Then take the band off,' I spit mercilessly, and I know it's a mistake, but I choke out the last words with just as much venom anyway.

'Take it off. Then you'll at least know for certain that I won't come back.'

Silence.

I'm kind of used to the silence by now, or at least it being quieter, due to the fact there's always one less person speaking than there is listening when I'm around. Some days it's comforting, but most I wish I could disrupt it. I wasn't a quiet person when I still had a voice to use, and I often miss that more than almost everything else.

I'm not sure I'd even recognise my own voice anymore.

Quiet sniffling fills the room gradually, Tubbo covering his face in shame to hide the tears he can't stop. It's enough to disrupt my thoughts, drag me back into the present and realise that even if I've lost most of my friends, I still have a few left. People I should spend less time arguing over the same damn things with and more time appreciating, knowing I most likely don't have long left until I'm the one leaving them behind.

I kneel awkwardly in front of the boy in question, who seems to have resorted to sitting when he can't stop shaking. I click my tongue, click my fingers too before remembering that'll do nothing when he can't hear me. So I resort to waving my hands in front of his face, trying to get back the attention I'm not sure I deserve anymore.

'Toby?'

"Yeah?"

'I'm sorry.'

"I know you are."

That's enough to put the ghost of a smile back on my lips. Bitter, but there, nonetheless. "And I am too. I don't mean to make you feel like a burden." He meets my eyes again to say the last bit, and the sorrow in his is enough to convince me it's genuine. 'I make myself feel like one. It's alright.'

Another silent sigh.

"I just don't want to be alone again," he mumbles, wiping a stray tear from his eye. 'You won't be,' I tell him, filled with a strange sense of hope that there's got to be something good waiting for this boy. 'You have Karl again! You have George too, and everyone else! Techno will always look after you too, okay. You have a good life ahead of you.'

"You should have one too, though." Despite his words, his tone is a little lighter. Laced with a tiny spark of encouragement that fuels the hopeful flames. 'I know, but life is shit like that. Clearly you're the favourite kid of the system god here.' That earns me a laugh, even if it's painfully strained.

"And why's that, Tommy?"

'The system god fears me,' I smirk, using humour, as I always have done, to make light of shitty situations. 'He knows that if he allowed me to live long enough to turn eighteen, I'd be more of a man than him.'

"Well, he certainly fears you now," Tubbo muses, and I can't tell if his tone is meant to be sarcastic anymore. "He's been trying for a while to make me get rid of you, and he might've finally succeeded."

I shake my head at the irony, a bittersweet smile on my lips. 'Hey, I had a good sixteen and a half years before said system god interfered. The world just simply wasn't ready for TommyInnit.'

Tubbo giggles a little at the nickname, mouthing it silently before asking aloud, "TommyInnit? What sort of name is that?".

'Will gave me it,' I explain. 'Something about the way I talk or whatever he thought was funny about it.' Tubbo nods, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Guess someone had to give you a nickname, considering you give everyone else one," he smirks. I grin proudly, remembering who was responsible for Tubbo's nickname. 'Yeah, but mine are cooler.'

Tubbo shrugs, and the fact he even debates me being wrong makes me wish I could punch him. 'Wilbur was an asshole and I'd never fuel his ego by saying it to his face, but people like him made my life worth living, even if it was short. We're like brothers.'

"I get that," Tubbo smiles, and the understanding look he gives me with it makes me think he has a similar bond with someone else. "You two seem like you would've been, based on what you told me. Karl and I are kinda like that."

'Exactly.' That smile widens just a little more, almost as if in realisation, and I find it contagious. Maybe at the memory of what I used to have, or at the fact someone understands what it was worth to me. 'And now you have Karl again.'

'So let me go back to Wilbur.'

—————

Can't tell me Tommy wouldn't say something like that...

Also something I wanted to mention here about the 'platonic devotion' thing mentioned earlier by Bad:

He can't confirm the guessing because plot logic, but I did model the Lost Soul's designs off of the Devotion's, as I actually came up with Devotions first. So yes, Lost Souls basically represent platonic soulmates, and by that logic, Tommy and Tubbo are platonic soulmates.

Isn't that cute at least..?

(Also I remember someone asking me before about what aromantics would do in this world, and I like to believe y'all would be like Tubbo and just have platonic ones instead lol.)
I've always thought of TLS Tubbo as aromantic tbh, so it fits pretty well. :)