Love at Second Sight

Chapter 19

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

~Erma Bombeck

***

As Savannah made her way through the corridors to her bedroom, she was immensely unsettled. Three days ago, the questions Yvonne had raised had shifted something in her. They were crumbling her resolve of not staying with him, not wanting to be with Zac.

She opened the door, took off her shoes, freshened up, changed her clothes and dropped horizontally on the bed. She was tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Had been for the past three days. It was getting more and more hectic inside the kitchen with the regular meals and planning the arrangements and execution for the gala. They had to be in complete sync as a team during the gala. Everything had to happen swimmingly, without any hitches. They'd been trying to rehearse all that during the regular drill. It was clear as crystal, who would do what. She'd divided them into teams of two—including her—and assigned various food courses to each team.

Today, accidentally she'd added extra sugar into the dessert she was making. Lily was so shocked. Apparently, she'd truly believed Savannah couldn't err. She was barely able to focus. Millions of scenarios and possibilities had been swirling through her brain all through the day. So many what-ifs had made an appearance.

What if Zac actually really wanted her? What if he wasn't trying to just make up for what he'd done? What if she was just yet another person he'd said that to, because she wouldn't give in? What if she moved on even though? What if he didn't let her go? What if his feelings never changed? What if they did? What if, in future, he found someone else, someone better than her? What if she was still in love with him then? What if she gave in to this now and it didn't end well? What if he never wanted anything to do with her thereafter? What if it did end well; where would that take them? What if she could, eventually, give him what he wanted? What if he realized halfway that she wasn't who he thought her to be? What if, someday, he got bored of her? What if he left her again? But what if they both were really meant to be? What if they were not? What if this was just life throwing lemons again? What if he broke her heart yet again? What if she wasn't able to piece it back, like she'd earlier?

Tons and tons of what-ifs. Jesus. She wished it would just stop. All this mess. Emotional mess.

This is what happens when you let your feelings get tangled up with your job, her hindsight bias told her. And it wasn't completely wrong, was it? After all, if she had maintained her distance like she had decided on doing initially, this would never have happened. If she'd drawn the line at their employer-employee relationship, and not let it escalate to friendship or anything else, this would never have happened.

She dragged her palms on her face. She was exhausted.

And, why was she even having second-thoughts about her resolve. She had decided she wasn't going to stay here, with Zac. This wasn't her life, wasn't what she wanted, wasn't what she'd planned out for herself. This wasn't what she was. Then why was she having doubts about it now? She always stood by her decisions even if the world turned upside-down. Then what had changed now? Why couldn't she think straight? What was stopping her? What was making her rethink and reconsider her decisions? Was it Zac? Were her feelings for him ultimately getting into the way?

No. Once she'd decided, there was no turning back. She wasn't going to stay here, and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't—wouldn't—give Zac another chance. So—she had to find a way to say goodbye. It couldn't be face-to-face. She knew she would cave in to whatever he asked of her if he looked at her with so much affection and adoration in his eyes.